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[其他] 办公室新政策(ZT搞笑))

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鲜花(47) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-8-15 08:41 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
老杨团队,追求完美;客户至上,服务到位!
Dress Code:   k- J* l- G& N/ [' p9 m
1.        You are advised to come to work dressed according to your salary.   ) P# S2 k( [6 n4 m7 @. A
2.        If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we will assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise. 0 J1 A7 ^; Y; ?" C
3.        If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise.
' `4 @; |( J4 k( x5 G" q4.        If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise. 9 O4 h1 x# N0 L1 W2 G1 X  a
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Sick Days: 9 f4 a; i! G9 D
We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.
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Personal Days: : n" J* `& N1 C' N
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturdays & Sundays.
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' I9 R) W1 f% X; pBereavement Leave:
4 O: t- U3 a& P  e# O1.        This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers.   3 ^* I+ u$ D9 h  r, z3 m
2.        Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend the funeral arrangements.   
) E: E' Z1 I: z+ H' d3.        In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late af ternoon.   4 p6 Z, U+ R/ f! g
4.        We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early. / x/ C4 m5 b* u. E- M
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Bathroom Breaks: 9 P1 f1 ]' i: b, A
1.        Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls.   
4 w' ]. B/ _6 J2.        At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken.   
8 B" ~& J: _4 f. o3.        After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders" category.   ' y& r  W. K& }
4.        Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the company's mental health policy.
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Lunch Break:
2 c- V$ _4 J2 i5 I7 R1.        Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy. 1 q5 ~. o' i) U
2.        Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure. 3 s* l$ a( k% a" [& o3 S/ o
3.        Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
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3 F& g: [( B, K7 y% G" vThank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplation s, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere. ( @1 Q7 B6 l1 b  g1 g1 u& N, ~

# ?1 W1 f) y' R: [The Management $ f. F  x- k* K$ P& E1 G! `  `
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Pass this on to all who are employed.
鲜花(3) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-8-15 10:16 | 显示全部楼层
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-8-25 06:39 | 显示全部楼层
鲜花(6) 鸡蛋(1)
发表于 2008-8-25 21:01 | 显示全部楼层

这一句实在是太油菜了!

老杨团队 追求完美
Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the company's mental health policy.
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-8-26 21:44 | 显示全部楼层
not very understand.
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