请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

alberta2007

I just wrote a poem
) x1 z: _: }, g# Q$ XBesides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
However,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
# b- _; s' R, oThanks a lot!!!
2 e1 M& e7 I% O% }8 u" S, ?


/ b) E5 z6 W/ z. @/ }0 g% L
7 E' ^5 n) ^4 q
9 H  |/ e% u# ?2 g8 W
. q: L1 z1 N1 R- Y
Formerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
. Y# _. ?* q5 G0 \" C. ?              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
: `3 Z4 x5 q0 s- e* P9 P# H. O* q9 H0 z              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
. ?; f8 U$ i: \! Q             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
+ S! V: }8 e# \) U" G             somehow I lost myself inside again
Now,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
' D: G! ~+ G# ?8 D- QFinally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
Basically, I almost finish this poem
* `; m9 A; r4 J2 D3 S9 N               I am 一个人de精彩
+ B0 }4 q' S( J+ e               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
- E) T2 G, f* j+ O; h7 |But........         
Ironically? Isn't it?

yoyoke2004

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”

) Z- t$ V7 n5 C! Q( x卖糕的，写外国诗就得忘中国字吗？
, Q  [: o" z" X% j* {& U( b
. G& F# V  _! d! u

Justing

Somehow I'd fall in love with you
( T$ f/ w  k9 l  J: o$ w1 cSomehow I'd find something wrong with us
( [1 t; b  o8 z( q6 d# a3 e2 w; iSomehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
Somehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
7 n; Z' f7 l+ Y4 sSomehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
Somehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness
) U# c( p& B2 I2 G( j
. @4 h. {2 a0 S! `3 Q& U+ @Somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
* s, j0 y+ b. S! ^3 k# m1 YSomehow I realized you were still in my heart
: \" E/ V: S( H6 ISomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
5 w5 t' K' g1 [2 A; XSomehow I lost myself inside it again
& U  I- p9 h; Q+ H0 B
Somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
Somehow I discern that I am still in love with you
Somehow I am the only brilliance of myself
2 T3 W) I7 ^) Z$ i  ^: cSomehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance

lington

However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
================================================
However, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday
6 E! ]' l. f. r4 L+ R
somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
; ?3 e; q8 \  p) g4 A+ i% |=====================================================================
5 v6 V+ c. S. ?. e0 i% psomehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...

alberta2007

我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

Justing

原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

# z. h$ ], I" V0 ]$ g  R哦，这样啊，那就改回去吧，我以为是虚拟语气呢。

三思

劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲，这是什么体啊？