请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

alberta2007

I just wrote a poem
/ K4 X6 S# q. ~$ ]" ZBesides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
However,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
. m) T. C1 c8 j7 v; @Thanks a lot!!!
' _+ O+ e) W( ^' E# s9 t
. Z$ q1 e& r4 Y: Y4 @: m

/ a2 _/ T8 k! l3 [



  {: g3 @2 j3 K/ S; h4 h4 ^Formerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
8 n4 c3 J% H( ^3 L3 z& ?: V              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
3 S( [7 d# U' _" D* }              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
1 E% P6 a3 w  P! d# b. h. i; i              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
  D0 f4 K2 K7 p6 j$ qHowever, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
$ P/ l, w( e1 l1 H) H7 K             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
  H! e$ w( T0 p" c) ], s             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
( }: T( q1 `7 J' H* Q             somehow I lost myself inside again
( A2 X2 B7 k6 E/ p5 S. Z3 u2 l# wNow,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
+ C6 b5 N5 }3 y& j6 @* I             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
Finally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
( e6 g* ^4 P3 OBasically, I almost finish this poem
               I am 一个人de精彩
) ^6 I% F+ \/ Y* C               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
+ v0 ?2 N& v2 y: }$ Y  }But........         
: i0 N9 d9 n0 w: }; {! c: r; sIronically? Isn't it?

yoyoke2004

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”

卖糕的，写外国诗就得忘中国字吗？

+ W8 \2 [" e& }

Justing

Somehow I'd fall in love with you
, g" E$ l$ Z* \6 c- a5 a9 mSomehow I'd find something wrong with us
6 @; c" ?% o/ }. hSomehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
, J, h# }, Z3 F; r  }+ }Somehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
0 q& q- u- X- t# G5 f' k# Q+ nSomehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
" j+ E( h1 X; U0 J& d' [2 ]Somehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness
. v% G* k& Q3 c, Z
Somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
: s1 f0 ]- e5 V* KSomehow I realized you were still in my heart
Somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
Somehow I lost myself inside it again

Somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
. B8 L# T$ |( T2 F1 BSomehow I discern that I am still in love with you
Somehow I am the only brilliance of myself
0 m- `, j4 x& |/ N; X, ^, eSomehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance

lington

However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
================================================
4 ?+ o+ c* v) A3 eHowever, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday

somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
=====================================================================
somehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...

alberta2007

我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

Justing

原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

3 |2 G1 ?4 w# b3 S8 ^% i哦，这样啊，那就改回去吧，我以为是虚拟语气呢。

三思

劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲，这是什么体啊？