请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

alberta2007

I just wrote a poem
7 c+ L- ]% I+ _3 ]9 eBesides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
However,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
Thanks a lot!!!


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Formerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
" K' s: M9 h' k              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
8 R4 P2 D- w# K9 p2 W; [              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
" t) `* z- A) R              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
. Z7 l: }& ~& M" P7 LHowever, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
/ R9 q# q6 v% [6 z7 f% l- m             somehow I lost myself inside again
& k& C0 h' h4 {7 H2 I8 z; J8 D, ~8 b* M( eNow,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
Finally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
4 |# k+ K' g# U. ~4 R* G8 E* f$ F2 rBasically, I almost finish this poem
               I am 一个人de精彩
) o) D5 `; I: C  @               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
But........         
% A- o$ u& O4 {" T4 [- O4 q& SIronically? Isn't it?

yoyoke2004

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”
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卖糕的，写外国诗就得忘中国字吗？
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Justing

Somehow I'd fall in love with you
; v. h  R; p' }$ W6 ZSomehow I'd find something wrong with us
2 `$ z. p; A# v$ A/ ~1 N. ESomehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
Somehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
Somehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
  O7 C4 M- S2 S5 T" X, @Somehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness

Somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
Somehow I realized you were still in my heart
* l- g7 X5 v8 s- \3 ^! qSomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
Somehow I lost myself inside it again

Somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
Somehow I discern that I am still in love with you
: Y  d, E% z7 x6 ]Somehow I am the only brilliance of myself
Somehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance

lington

However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
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However, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday
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4 L6 b4 Y* J" r: x: F4 B8 h; nsomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
=====================================================================
somehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...

alberta2007

我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

Justing

原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

哦，这样啊，那就改回去吧，我以为是虚拟语气呢。

三思

劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲，这是什么体啊？