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NEW RULES FOR ENTERING ALBERTA
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1. Bring your own house.
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5 m9 c0 ?. j9 P5 w6 X4 a 2. If going to the Oil Sands, bring your own house, school and
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& s6 \. K' T* o0 d% P 3. If going to Edmonton , wear your flak jacket. This is the murder6 U1 I1 Q( z+ H& u- R! P7 X$ v& s
capital of Canada .$ i' l2 V5 U0 L2 K( a, h
" p, T; k: |6 }: X9 y- V8 \( c 4. If driving to Edmonton, it is also the auto theft center of Canada .& `! ~) L; V0 _, @ x* R K
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5. If you are bringing drugs, head to West Edmonton Mall, the drug- m/ s3 M$ n1 [. c; X
capital of Canada .4 P# [- e5 `6 A0 A s. h; `7 J
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6. If you are looking for work, look no further. Minimum wage is
: J$ i( `8 u3 `0 V$8.00/hour.
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: ]+ ~9 r$ m& w$ K4 V 7. If you work downtown, parking costs $10.00/hour. U5 o( u8 Y# G
7 c& F" e; \) s) x4 R1 z- P 8. If you are able to buy a house in Calgary , why not spend the money2 w9 F+ b3 l8 i q, ^) k
on a 15 year holiday ?
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9. If you drive a Hummer, look out. We sit amongst the highest gas/ a- T: B* y1 |& A8 K9 [) z
prices in Canada . (So much for The Alberta Advantage)
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5 u# U1 @( k! Y# L/ T& [10. In Edmonton we have 5 hospitals. 10 years ago we had 7. Don't come, O/ g* w% b1 I+ f1 m/ U
here sick.
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& \5 y" G' D1 Z; i. n11. In Calgary, the population has exploded. The last road was paved 12+ n/ n& o `' ?; j
years ago. Calgary is a no-parking zone.4 S$ U: j/ T8 c$ g: K1 |
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THE NEW RULES FOR DRIVING IN EDMONTON :
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1. You must first learn to pronounce the city name, it is: " E-MIN-TIN "., \- u0 |' J4 J; e% N. j; `0 K
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2. The morning rush hour is from 5:00am to noon. The evening rush hour( B5 @0 x0 i; J3 f( H6 ^
is from noon to 8:00pm. Friday's rush hour starts on Thursday morning.4 j: P$ Y5 h5 V
9 B6 F& C3 _6 G- }6 v( C2 _3 . Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Edmonton now has its P# w+ H6 W3 E* M1 E& i" |0 `, t. P
own version of traffic rules. For example, cars/trucks with the loudest" x: R, t9 L* r
muffler go first at a four-way stop; the trucks with the biggest tires9 K: f& k" y B" [6 e u, U- Z: s1 c+ v
go second. However, south-west Edmonton , SUV-driving, cell5 w5 o! }- H% F; E$ \4 z m" f+ E: y
phone-talking moms ALWAYS have the right of way.2 Z. Y! S$ a9 A* M# U# h
+ O6 |# E9 D( B9 Y8 O4 . If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended,) e! C( t/ p: I( Z! m
cussed out, and possibly shot.3 N0 K8 B* \! C9 r- G; X- U u$ r
, _5 l& o/ m+ u2 O( j" p3 L8 N5 . Never honk at anyone. Ever! Seriously! It's another offense that' i2 i$ s8 [0 w' {: R6 r
can get you shot.! u! s# d4 W ]! U& h* g) C
! M! l- A% M0 X4 m' q' t4 s6 . Road construction is permanent and continuous in Edmonton . Detour" C" V' b7 {& }- \/ `& A) K
barrels are moved around during the middle of the night to make the next
1 Y8 d7 @. i; Z c- }* Nday's driving a bit more exciting, but nothing ever gets finished, and
7 r9 T: W' U# L; ymore construction starts everyday.4 m" G% Z" L; p6 ?
/ z% \2 O0 R4 G 7 . Watch carefully for road hazards such as drunks, skunks, dogs, cats,
* O' \0 X j" O1 Y3 W2 pdeer, barrels, cones, cows, horses, mattresses, shredded tires, garbage,+ M) u2 ]. z( D; T2 V& R( K5 C
squirrels, rabbits, crows, and coyotes feeding on any of these items.* g, D/ k8 A. W
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8 . Calgary Trail, Gateway Boulevard, Highway 2 and the QE2 are all
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- t4 V5 } x0 \1 C9 . If someone actually has their turn signal on, wave them to the+ J7 [: N, A4 |! V
shoulder immediately to let them know it has been "accidentally
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10 . If you are in the left lane and only driving 110 in a 80-90 km& F) u! l: y0 u: ]5 Z
zone, you are considered a road hazard and will be "flipped off"
# J; ]: l/ q! t8 u. ]1 L' faccordingly. If you return the flip, you'll be shot./ N3 r8 r+ L& B% Q5 P; i+ v( e b2 X5 _
7 D3 S6 \+ |+ ?0 Z11 . For winter driving, it is advisable to wear your parka, toque, fur5 R/ V' \( U% j# ] p3 R2 b
lined mittens and mukluks. Make sure you have a shovel, food, candle and: `: G9 u6 ~) k3 t
blankets in the vehicle, as snow removal from the city streets is
) B! E! q9 L* A% X+ Ivirtually non-existent until the spring thaw. |
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发表于 2007-10-11 19:09
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发表于 2007-10-11 19:51
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