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NEW RULES FOR ENTERING ALBERTA
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1. Bring your own house.* X/ R6 Q5 l/ C& m* I
1 ?8 h/ D/ k5 X" P! T; g 2. If going to the Oil Sands, bring your own house, school and
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6 a% O4 j8 f3 N 3. If going to Edmonton , wear your flak jacket. This is the murder' r- i( E1 L9 t" v% Z; Z
capital of Canada .
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4. If driving to Edmonton, it is also the auto theft center of Canada .
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& a+ ^6 {4 q7 E( @; j 5. If you are bringing drugs, head to West Edmonton Mall, the drug8 [* J( X9 T+ k j3 a
capital of Canada .$ ~6 L% @. x% p6 h: {8 q
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6. If you are looking for work, look no further. Minimum wage is$ F" ~; b) N. Q9 Z
$8.00/hour.
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8 @0 H& s2 ~( y 7. If you work downtown, parking costs $10.00/hour.* ]6 u4 Z! g. D. T( J2 r
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8. If you are able to buy a house in Calgary , why not spend the money
4 }9 Z$ r# S8 D8 ^1 Bon a 15 year holiday ?; R1 H, O; L8 G- u& J* ^( V
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9. If you drive a Hummer, look out. We sit amongst the highest gas* R. j8 n7 M6 U+ j8 \) F; m
prices in Canada . (So much for The Alberta Advantage)
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8 q/ S9 i1 m$ a( o. N1 G10. In Edmonton we have 5 hospitals. 10 years ago we had 7. Don't come
) C9 G+ x! \5 \* Y8 nhere sick.5 c! E4 t- B* }, x- M
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11. In Calgary, the population has exploded. The last road was paved 12
7 G. Z3 S, x3 M1 q. Myears ago. Calgary is a no-parking zone.! Y3 [. n5 r; |& Z5 v! G. d* [7 a
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( @( C8 y. A; O7 H4 H" k THE NEW RULES FOR DRIVING IN EDMONTON :
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1. You must first learn to pronounce the city name, it is: " E-MIN-TIN "./ n- b, a4 ?- o/ C' d8 e# [# J
1 [7 G( U) h- y3 E% ]2. The morning rush hour is from 5:00am to noon. The evening rush hour# X8 ]! M4 \ C( f4 ]% v/ W
is from noon to 8:00pm. Friday's rush hour starts on Thursday morning.7 C# |0 `5 B% u; h2 P
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3 . Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Edmonton now has its0 L k3 W& ?& ~8 _$ Y1 h3 [ z# h
own version of traffic rules. For example, cars/trucks with the loudest/ `) w+ V; n. \3 A! r
muffler go first at a four-way stop; the trucks with the biggest tires F& Y/ ?5 u; E: ~& `
go second. However, south-west Edmonton , SUV-driving, cell
9 {$ \2 g, a- p4 V: _phone-talking moms ALWAYS have the right of way.
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; w( v) ~/ z5 G6 q4 . If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended,
E4 j4 e( C+ Z0 h/ ucussed out, and possibly shot.
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5 . Never honk at anyone. Ever! Seriously! It's another offense that0 _8 N6 G) B: u, }3 k' I& E3 {7 {
can get you shot.7 C6 A% h) j- r' q* G$ Y Z0 U
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6 . Road construction is permanent and continuous in Edmonton . Detour
9 K4 P% f4 R* v2 X4 p, ?barrels are moved around during the middle of the night to make the next
# G, X6 `; q% B; Q. y& @/ C1 mday's driving a bit more exciting, but nothing ever gets finished, and
7 C4 C/ a+ e3 _! U: ]1 c5 kmore construction starts everyday.
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, {: z# K8 x; E) ]2 J 7 . Watch carefully for road hazards such as drunks, skunks, dogs, cats,
! D2 p( g9 d; k9 R4 Udeer, barrels, cones, cows, horses, mattresses, shredded tires, garbage,
4 m8 F& p5 H+ F0 x2 n2 X( R- i0 Isquirrels, rabbits, crows, and coyotes feeding on any of these items.
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1 w+ K8 p& Z2 J1 i8 . Calgary Trail, Gateway Boulevard, Highway 2 and the QE2 are all
% @' }1 B" r# Wthe same road.( n! q. T; L0 t `) y& P# ]8 w
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9 . If someone actually has their turn signal on, wave them to the0 @4 Q0 K8 ~* ?3 t2 ^$ i: M
shoulder immediately to let them know it has been "accidentally; x6 i/ p0 X1 [4 V6 E+ X2 h* G
activated.". w, I' M7 }- w8 ^' c! Q% F
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10 . If you are in the left lane and only driving 110 in a 80-90 km
s; \3 m+ r7 ~# Q4 K' pzone, you are considered a road hazard and will be "flipped off"
5 z2 `- Z# ~7 S# }7 i' ?5 l7 iaccordingly. If you return the flip, you'll be shot.
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11 . For winter driving, it is advisable to wear your parka, toque, fur
# i) w& {- {0 ^lined mittens and mukluks. Make sure you have a shovel, food, candle and
+ X5 [0 m' H. s7 C2 `+ S' Nblankets in the vehicle, as snow removal from the city streets is
/ q4 e* W5 p+ v+ @virtually non-existent until the spring thaw. |
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