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NEW RULES FOR ENTERING ALBERTA
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1. Bring your own house.4 R- z8 d& i$ P: B
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2. If going to the Oil Sands, bring your own house, school and
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3. If going to Edmonton , wear your flak jacket. This is the murder0 |* x+ S; X c. x5 W0 j
capital of Canada .8 P! b: y, w$ U
2 x0 R& M6 s- S. }! M 4. If driving to Edmonton, it is also the auto theft center of Canada .4 I2 m! d: B; I+ ]# B9 I
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5. If you are bringing drugs, head to West Edmonton Mall, the drug
0 c2 ^0 v- E% U' w/ ?capital of Canada .
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" W6 b% G/ q2 F9 ` g2 o' Z 6. If you are looking for work, look no further. Minimum wage is
* k+ G( {# S6 H. ^/ m. `: }$8.00/hour. u9 n7 {! i+ C2 Q
# I, o, C1 o1 X/ o 7. If you work downtown, parking costs $10.00/hour.4 r6 h+ I& q3 L( `" d
* L$ b- n* Q) z: I4 _9 ~ 8. If you are able to buy a house in Calgary , why not spend the money' M, M. O4 I- \
on a 15 year holiday ?
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9. If you drive a Hummer, look out. We sit amongst the highest gas1 `; z+ q; i' P& k8 {. \. m' p
prices in Canada . (So much for The Alberta Advantage)
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10. In Edmonton we have 5 hospitals. 10 years ago we had 7. Don't come
9 Y, w/ I9 A$ ^5 S7 D) {& ~0 L' ~here sick.
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11. In Calgary, the population has exploded. The last road was paved 12
4 y2 D" ^) Z$ J3 G6 b1 r- [+ Byears ago. Calgary is a no-parking zone.# F7 J4 h, f, R5 g0 o# z7 k
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7 ~. S2 H# d) x2 R' h THE NEW RULES FOR DRIVING IN EDMONTON :
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1. You must first learn to pronounce the city name, it is: " E-MIN-TIN ".
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7 W2 b3 v( N# j. X/ h7 V3 L2. The morning rush hour is from 5:00am to noon. The evening rush hour( F* C, T! G J
is from noon to 8:00pm. Friday's rush hour starts on Thursday morning." w& Z& v6 E* P
1 o N' T/ b$ Z0 ~1 `3 . Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Edmonton now has its
7 c. {+ d% ^/ r. r* t* t( Hown version of traffic rules. For example, cars/trucks with the loudest/ }) ?+ D+ m6 \/ V/ q+ g
muffler go first at a four-way stop; the trucks with the biggest tires$ }; |- S% a3 |" ?( W/ d. x @
go second. However, south-west Edmonton , SUV-driving, cell
. h7 b0 L L8 Uphone-talking moms ALWAYS have the right of way.
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6 j \& q/ N% ^* _* Y0 f4 . If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended,
* [0 D: }( I5 l" P* B8 bcussed out, and possibly shot.
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5 . Never honk at anyone. Ever! Seriously! It's another offense that
* [( W, o2 V* G- C, dcan get you shot./ M8 P2 c3 c% R" K! x; y
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6 . Road construction is permanent and continuous in Edmonton . Detour) S. F0 ^" x2 e" u3 t0 c
barrels are moved around during the middle of the night to make the next$ i; m, W; `% O$ Y( ?; k: n" X
day's driving a bit more exciting, but nothing ever gets finished, and) D% m" C: T7 b) \6 ]$ }
more construction starts everyday.
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; c9 a* m+ n( S8 b4 w 7 . Watch carefully for road hazards such as drunks, skunks, dogs, cats,7 `) [; E! v8 k* K5 }
deer, barrels, cones, cows, horses, mattresses, shredded tires, garbage,
3 v+ e# Y! L0 l& ?7 Z, }squirrels, rabbits, crows, and coyotes feeding on any of these items.
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4 D5 h. k* P! M8 . Calgary Trail, Gateway Boulevard, Highway 2 and the QE2 are all. f5 F' O4 p* Q2 ^( }
the same road.4 s8 I' C. z. a' ~6 c$ v* _% N
* v" ^7 j: g4 |9 L: [/ F1 l9 . If someone actually has their turn signal on, wave them to the% q; K! y" S. {- b9 G
shoulder immediately to let them know it has been "accidentally
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10 . If you are in the left lane and only driving 110 in a 80-90 km
( u h$ D: x# D }/ {$ z$ ozone, you are considered a road hazard and will be "flipped off"
/ t% O1 g/ g1 G& E0 `' H: taccordingly. If you return the flip, you'll be shot.
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2 v" Z3 M' P5 d11 . For winter driving, it is advisable to wear your parka, toque, fur- f* i/ i- s( Z! p, u8 \
lined mittens and mukluks. Make sure you have a shovel, food, candle and
4 z( J; o- V0 Sblankets in the vehicle, as snow removal from the city streets is
- Z: L& k3 |5 f3 X! q, `" B2 c) jvirtually non-existent until the spring thaw. |
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发表于 2007-10-11 19:09
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发表于 2007-10-11 19:51
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