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NEW RULES FOR ENTERING ALBERTA
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1. Bring your own house.
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2. If going to the Oil Sands, bring your own house, school and/ K$ \+ O/ T- N0 k
hospital.
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* g+ O" G5 S0 U! e4 n 3. If going to Edmonton , wear your flak jacket. This is the murder1 z& E' r, t( H) ?- J5 A2 f* W. U
capital of Canada .
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4. If driving to Edmonton, it is also the auto theft center of Canada ." W; D N. W6 T* H# W
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5. If you are bringing drugs, head to West Edmonton Mall, the drug
8 E2 d; {& i% D" L5 rcapital of Canada .
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/ M; Y6 M$ b, V! \' }1 P( p 6. If you are looking for work, look no further. Minimum wage is
4 D5 ^2 {- L6 W$8.00/hour. n. w4 T8 A" _' }
5 a! g; M8 p9 A5 r3 _ 7. If you work downtown, parking costs $10.00/hour.
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8. If you are able to buy a house in Calgary , why not spend the money
" i5 N; r; d4 won a 15 year holiday ?
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8 \5 |) W( c- t b7 w( w; F 9. If you drive a Hummer, look out. We sit amongst the highest gas, b6 P% N# y3 L3 d
prices in Canada . (So much for The Alberta Advantage)7 D9 D i, Q1 E/ _8 J% U
& v% X' p1 ], k' `) J# ^10. In Edmonton we have 5 hospitals. 10 years ago we had 7. Don't come
! W7 {/ {- }5 Chere sick.
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0 u" Y% R2 r+ \2 T3 y, b0 s11. In Calgary, the population has exploded. The last road was paved 12
. q4 P3 X( S7 W# Y, j) jyears ago. Calgary is a no-parking zone.2 S* ]/ b5 \2 J! b1 x" r
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THE NEW RULES FOR DRIVING IN EDMONTON :. c, M3 J# q X$ y* a
2 e; n1 q) D0 p; Z1. You must first learn to pronounce the city name, it is: " E-MIN-TIN ".
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2. The morning rush hour is from 5:00am to noon. The evening rush hour: h0 z0 U5 U$ U9 {- O% G* F
is from noon to 8:00pm. Friday's rush hour starts on Thursday morning.
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3 . Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Edmonton now has its7 r2 p/ e* u+ c* n
own version of traffic rules. For example, cars/trucks with the loudest
" U$ Q$ j" q ?muffler go first at a four-way stop; the trucks with the biggest tires
- l1 \6 E5 W" J. x7 Lgo second. However, south-west Edmonton , SUV-driving, cell
+ s' r: y, g% I! V" X& hphone-talking moms ALWAYS have the right of way., F, b. Q* L" q+ W! N1 X, ~$ E+ i( b
% \, c1 d( V, D# t# B5 y4 . If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended,
; S) }5 T8 X/ {cussed out, and possibly shot.3 K1 h* \3 K2 R3 Z
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5 . Never honk at anyone. Ever! Seriously! It's another offense that
/ P1 m& k7 M" Xcan get you shot.. S& ^% p) D d7 n) b. }
) u9 E4 T! |, R. t7 T8 r& G( a6 . Road construction is permanent and continuous in Edmonton . Detour* u- W( b6 H2 M/ q) I
barrels are moved around during the middle of the night to make the next" b9 V6 N z2 O7 D# Z3 W; H5 G
day's driving a bit more exciting, but nothing ever gets finished, and
u( _) t3 c! v' X2 q/ Rmore construction starts everyday., O! @' }% T$ q1 N o
9 o# R/ m: i: M# n# k" }' f2 b 7 . Watch carefully for road hazards such as drunks, skunks, dogs, cats,
1 R% _8 S4 F7 d( q9 _1 Z8 @deer, barrels, cones, cows, horses, mattresses, shredded tires, garbage,
" G1 ?3 G% H. V: b" [; @squirrels, rabbits, crows, and coyotes feeding on any of these items.
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& Y# i: Q1 r, A) W, \* C8 . Calgary Trail, Gateway Boulevard, Highway 2 and the QE2 are all( B2 W4 |. G( n7 I% N; o, [
the same road.* G5 k( P! x3 Q' T
% e( g, K1 I2 M" X9 . If someone actually has their turn signal on, wave them to the
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activated."
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10 . If you are in the left lane and only driving 110 in a 80-90 km
1 Z; E! @7 {: {( D7 V# Ozone, you are considered a road hazard and will be "flipped off"
7 b( e' j! T5 ~4 Gaccordingly. If you return the flip, you'll be shot.! P9 M9 G! u% @: X
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11 . For winter driving, it is advisable to wear your parka, toque, fur
- p7 P2 F) N6 B+ G8 d3 t* b6 Olined mittens and mukluks. Make sure you have a shovel, food, candle and
. C U4 y' n1 y- I: Y8 j- ^blankets in the vehicle, as snow removal from the city streets is
$ e4 i7 _. G1 O2 N# e( d. L: x0 i) Kvirtually non-existent until the spring thaw. |
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发表于 2007-10-11 19:09
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发表于 2007-10-11 19:51
