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THE NEW RULES FOR DRIVING IN EDMONTON:8 ?7 L& i; N- A; _' @& c
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1. You must first learn to pronounce the city name, it is: 'ED-MIN-TIN'.! s9 m/ ?8 y: y& L2 y; r$ e
. b8 s: x, J t$ B3 M* z& n2. The morning rush hour is from 5:00 a.m. to noon. The evening rush
+ L- Z- m3 o8 Thour is from noon to 8:00 p.m. Friday's rush hour starts on Thursday" u3 g( l# i* T
morning.1 K. s$ n+ _7 Q4 p2 J* ~" A
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3. The minimum acceptable speed on most freeways is 130 kph. On the QE2,
% h- G. X4 E+ x; ]; \, Qyou are expected to match the speed of the airplanes coming in for a
* O- d4 e/ j) J0 _ a {landing at the airport. Anything less is considered 'Wussy'.% D7 N; l5 E0 w9 N# D
1 M4 h% |2 s& `" U# z4. Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Edmonton now has its
7 c- ^. a' P; a- g7 Z/ R p3 c$ T) Bown version of traffic rules. For example, cars/trucks with the loudest% {7 u2 H+ h/ @$ S/ u
muffler go first at a four-way stop; the trucks with the biggest tires
3 G; a% R' R2 b) c. G8 vgo second. However, in Southwest Edmonton, SUV-driving, cell
. |9 |/ h0 @9 _; p hphone-talking moms ALWAYS have the right of way.
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5. If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended,
7 k- m' O x6 Z, Z2 o% Pcussed out, and possibly shot.
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6. Never honk at anyone. Ever. Seriously. It's another offense that can& ?; y2 f3 O" M9 d9 E
get you shot.
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7. Exception to Rule #6: If you are the 4th car back from a light that
# a. {" e% Y1 Z2 _has turned green, you must honk your horn to alert the vehicle first at' [6 ]( C- L/ e) A c1 o9 d
the intersection that the light has changed. Vehicle 2 & 3 won't shoot8 j: f+ Q" O* y, ?
you as they are too busy trying to figure out how to ram the first/ q; v/ [* r1 x$ }" l4 H% B9 H
vehicle through the intersection.% E! H+ B* F. z& _- E3 R
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8. Road construction is permanent and continuous in Edmonton. Detour( |! m% N" X5 l; U
barrels are moved around during the middle of the night to make the next0 P; n0 I; x; V. o" b
day's driving a bit more exciting, but nothing ever gets finished, and
8 B% W8 p0 |6 r7 y) \0 W# Tmore construction starts everyday.& g2 F$ t6 d# V- C( x( V$ [
- ?6 p$ w0 B4 K$ }2 p" ]9. Watch carefully for road hazards such as skunks, dogs, cats,+ o3 a) N" {, Z" p
deer, barrels, cones, cows, horses, mattresses, shredded tires, garbage,: `7 M- I6 o( ]7 X3 K
squirrels, rabbits, crows, and coyotes feeding on any of these items.
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10. Calgary Trail, Gateway Boulevard, Highway 2 and the QE2 are the same
+ Z7 d( ?& H9 \8 ?- t3 Droad. In the same manner, Whyte Avenue, Sherwood Park Freeway and Wye% }" A; Q: ~4 D+ z1 x
Road are the same road; Wayne Gretzky Drive, 75 Street and
9 w. A* Z' K& g0 Z66 Street are also the same road; got it?
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9 z1 C. ^; h6 F7 H11. If someone actually has their turn signal on, wave them to the& b9 {/ ?6 c* j8 q5 Q
shoulder immediately to let them know it has been 'accidentally
" x2 X* u% b+ ^4 Y2 P& ~Activated.' _$ \8 ?/ S& q, C8 g
" N1 R& q' n+ u+ N K9 g0 f4 ?12. If you are in the left lane and only driving 110 in a 80-90 km zone,; Y: D# d* L2 ?/ _( W! R( X) x! I
you are considered a road hazard and will be 'flipped off', M8 q0 U. h+ z2 [$ V' r/ f3 c
accordingly. If you return the flip, you'll be shot." ?# p- t; i2 j6 |0 \' X9 B6 X
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13. For winter driving, it is advisable to wear your parka, toque, fur
! g4 `5 Y/ a) a1 A) mlined mittens and mukluks. Make sure you have a shovel, food, candle and
' g6 p! \2 ^4 E* m" w9 Jblankets in the vehicle. |
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