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THE NEW RULES FOR DRIVING IN EDMONTON:
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; l6 `0 ~3 y: t2 \9 z1 l1. You must first learn to pronounce the city name, it is: 'ED-MIN-TIN'.
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2. The morning rush hour is from 5:00 a.m. to noon. The evening rush! O3 Q: B+ D# h, T
hour is from noon to 8:00 p.m. Friday's rush hour starts on Thursday
8 ^ l Z( q0 ~+ Hmorning.
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3. The minimum acceptable speed on most freeways is 130 kph. On the QE2,% g9 S, e) `; L& l0 @" {
you are expected to match the speed of the airplanes coming in for a. X' v- I. ~( [, {
landing at the airport. Anything less is considered 'Wussy'.
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) u- g( H# P, v( j& F7 R7 `' X4. Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Edmonton now has its
5 Q; g6 Y" e6 N& S% down version of traffic rules. For example, cars/trucks with the loudest
+ q/ R7 w* F% f" }! G8 i( N+ amuffler go first at a four-way stop; the trucks with the biggest tires
$ O( v, ]9 e5 l# ^' W7 l1 |go second. However, in Southwest Edmonton, SUV-driving, cell' n$ M, T: U, O8 I/ R1 N" o
phone-talking moms ALWAYS have the right of way.0 |2 |3 q4 v/ F4 N9 E
5 X5 U' G6 b/ |% @5. If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended,
- q5 a# o# g$ ?, K4 o. Ncussed out, and possibly shot.
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6. Never honk at anyone. Ever. Seriously. It's another offense that can
/ G' r% p# R% a3 O" tget you shot.5 s8 t8 E4 J/ z5 ~; A
3 e! L2 T2 K1 q& ^$ l9 M8 g7 \7. Exception to Rule #6: If you are the 4th car back from a light that! l- L& ]" f( h( I
has turned green, you must honk your horn to alert the vehicle first at
; m& Z# S# Y i; C+ cthe intersection that the light has changed. Vehicle 2 & 3 won't shoot# V* ] _4 L/ ^- W
you as they are too busy trying to figure out how to ram the first
+ K, M# N% c9 [+ E7 l8 a6 U% Evehicle through the intersection.
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0 }# J: \- S- X$ R8. Road construction is permanent and continuous in Edmonton. Detour" q1 o0 y. Z f0 P5 r E2 P
barrels are moved around during the middle of the night to make the next
, U& n0 Y# h4 P- S5 _/ dday's driving a bit more exciting, but nothing ever gets finished, and
3 w4 E3 H: f- A- a6 f+ I" [- ~& j' Umore construction starts everyday.1 {, I; {4 {. u$ u2 v& b' M7 o
- J8 e0 L5 e7 l6 k/ A9. Watch carefully for road hazards such as skunks, dogs, cats,* q0 R4 K7 g) p
deer, barrels, cones, cows, horses, mattresses, shredded tires, garbage,
1 C0 I9 \. w) {squirrels, rabbits, crows, and coyotes feeding on any of these items.
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, h" h4 \. |! Q: |& ?10. Calgary Trail, Gateway Boulevard, Highway 2 and the QE2 are the same: y" N, {4 Z' M0 P ]
road. In the same manner, Whyte Avenue, Sherwood Park Freeway and Wye1 k' ~& K c% }6 M" V
Road are the same road; Wayne Gretzky Drive, 75 Street and
0 [, U @& H, {" ~4 ?66 Street are also the same road; got it?1 i+ n+ F2 X9 S! r) {1 _4 m
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11. If someone actually has their turn signal on, wave them to the- I2 U8 d6 U6 [
shoulder immediately to let them know it has been 'accidentally, R z8 M' ]2 n" a8 i
Activated.'
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! q! s# [$ u9 X6 g12. If you are in the left lane and only driving 110 in a 80-90 km zone,
- P6 g) f. C% eyou are considered a road hazard and will be 'flipped off'% u: }2 u# [0 M" B- o" R& h6 o
accordingly. If you return the flip, you'll be shot.% F7 I# t% u3 F1 t4 g% e
0 u$ e" Z3 A$ k9 T$ y( R13. For winter driving, it is advisable to wear your parka, toque, fur
* I7 G& v4 L! g v6 f- i$ alined mittens and mukluks. Make sure you have a shovel, food, candle and5 w9 {! ?* O) E
blankets in the vehicle. |
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