Modern Definitions

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The Washington Post publishes a yearly contest in which readers are asked to invent alternate meanings for various words.
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- i9 \6 i* Z) u6 W/ Z1 w# [& `The following were some of this year’s winning entries:
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- T. P  f* {  ~1. Coffee (n.), a person who is coughed upon.
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2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have .

' b% c0 v) r1 Z& _  f3 G8 C3. Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
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: I# |# ?* Y5 ~; j/ f: l4. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.

5 n/ X; r! _% i; D$ D5. Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent

) o5 E" c8 `- Q4 i6. Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightie.

/ N2 w8 Q& r6 c, z: F. I7. Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.
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, I& G" e+ f2 F" P. O* k8. Gargoyle (n.), an olive-flavoured mouthwash.

9. Flatulence (n.) the emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.
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% `- H3 o, }2 ^* T10. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.
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- U" p0 M, J  s6 Q- l11. Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.

12. Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified demeanour assumed by a proctologist immediately before he examines you.
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13. Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddish expressions.
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# j0 w( o" }! s2 W4 T14. Circumvent (n.), the opening in the front of boxer shorts.

2 F9 S9 }4 P# `9 `4 X) w/ f3 L( B15. Frisbeetarianism (n.), The belief that, when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck there.

16. Pokemon (n.), A Jamaican proctologist.