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Modern Definitions

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发表于 2009-12-2 14:01 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
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The Washington Post publishes a yearly contest in which readers are asked to invent alternate meanings for various words. 4 H1 i* S/ M/ r5 g' i) Q8 W3 Q

# X" q( v# K1 S: L' f% {The following were some of this year’s winning entries: " j4 j; x1 s6 C1 P- n4 U2 l1 ]

3 G+ N0 O8 x( o1. Coffee (n.), a person who is coughed upon.
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2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have . 0 W/ U2 _4 O: w0 e

# q' y- d; b. t1 T3 V3. Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach. % m9 h1 ^4 J. p$ j

* i9 p2 t/ p- e7 b, W4. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk. 2 s: d3 {  K* j7 O

3 R5 g5 p- v, s5. Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent
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6. Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightie.
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7. Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.
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8. Gargoyle (n.), an olive-flavoured mouthwash.
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9. Flatulence (n.) the emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.   @: x. [0 ?8 H# X1 X
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10. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.
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11. Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.
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- R$ W# d5 I7 z) ^& }12. Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified demeanour assumed by a proctologist immediately before he examines you. 8 v* W0 V% C, V) O, L

& E+ m. b9 d+ G# r( G13. Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddish expressions.
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6 M! z' w6 L* h2 r4 `" l4 K14. Circumvent (n.), the opening in the front of boxer shorts. . h' ~" M* l' W2 S) G
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15. Frisbeetarianism (n.), The belief that, when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck there.
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% _9 O2 ?* {. A- z/ g16. Pokemon (n.), A Jamaican proctologist.
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