Modern Definitions

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The Washington Post publishes a yearly contest in which readers are asked to invent alternate meanings for various words.
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" w# {  ?3 ^5 CThe following were some of this year’s winning entries:
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1. Coffee (n.), a person who is coughed upon.
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2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have .

+ A" S8 p% ~; j8 [3. Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

4. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.

5. Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent

6. Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightie.
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% Y3 |4 u/ }, ~7. Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.

5 @' _7 r5 R8 R/ m9 M5 y* u; [8. Gargoyle (n.), an olive-flavoured mouthwash.
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9. Flatulence (n.) the emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.
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10. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.

$ `# ~$ ^: M# ?3 q11. Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.
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$ q* b% f3 O) n4 X5 i12. Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified demeanour assumed by a proctologist immediately before he examines you.

4 e+ ^5 w" c( G, l# B& D8 [6 o0 p13. Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddish expressions.
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14. Circumvent (n.), the opening in the front of boxer shorts.

  i1 T* _$ E0 H" P15. Frisbeetarianism (n.), The belief that, when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck there.

16. Pokemon (n.), A Jamaican proctologist.