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我今天刚写的英文诗, 高手给提提意见

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鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-12-21 12:21 | 显示全部楼层 |阅读模式
Falling in love9 u" X6 ]1 Y+ |/ C. S( V9 W
2 x) u7 ~: M  y6 k
I fell in love with you
+ r3 J- ]3 s7 q' j) K  JAt the first week we met
7 \) ~3 n! }5 D( W6 |7 V4 l! W9 A, ?7 X- l6 `* c/ r
You have charm, you have looks
/ Q+ ~2 z0 Y1 t5 s! Nwith full of pimples in face' B' L0 e/ T  o, V4 i% k
As spotting sky at a summer night
2 f$ w8 [0 F) l; |4 ?0 hThey are shining stars6 T6 y. n0 d4 T! d) y* f
/ {& }, v3 U9 J& Q$ b7 _2 c' E9 y* K
Your lip is so big7 L; i5 m/ g* e4 n1 }
And that’s good for a kiss) m" D# r$ j5 d; g$ W" ?+ }' Y, }
Your body is chubby
5 g8 a; H9 |7 \And that is good for sex8 J5 v7 D  Y  V
. c& d/ ]* A/ q0 W
I was deeply in love/ X4 Q% _4 c( ?( `0 W' H  D/ M
Everything from you is positive
# Z# g3 Q8 [8 _5 l: `$ x' g/ h/ ZYou blame me everything and everyday! o/ D( F  D; i) V$ [2 w/ \+ `
And I think all girls sound like; ]. E0 O- H, U8 |4 d' [
% p2 m9 \6 g& ~0 u9 x8 {
You could not stand my eating
  J4 t5 g9 M7 H$ Q% r; {Saying no good for making funny sound- v2 k/ a0 K) o' |, f. m
I think you are perfectly right
& Z( y. e7 W! F! k3 M. r+ J0 D6 OEating with sound is a pig
8 U# B$ d: X, g7 x( Z# Z
1 e; s0 n" T  R  R/ }! Q  QI fell in love with you $ T1 Z, E' M; P  l7 y  R! o4 g) t
Become a fool to think% J) |6 U2 C, S
All trouble things you did) L; a, G/ ^1 N/ n5 q/ u8 g2 G
And that is the price for love
9 j! |2 O9 a; U/ X! e4 [3 [: Z7 `+ I. V8 Q% g
you are deeply in love
0 s# N) m% n! }$ a, ^' g: CEverything from me is negative
0 @: d& x2 G4 ?( o"My man should be like this,, t: g# J7 I) S1 h6 l
and I am helping you to improve'
; Z: h" G4 g" A$ ?/ ~+ w  E8 `0 B; {1 x$ F* l
You are loving me / T6 z. }8 X# t) f
or that one in your mind?
8 X7 E# l3 d: A! |My mind is like a mud
4 U- }* l6 D. N3 Rcan be shaped whatever you want* I; V# c8 u9 O5 j4 a( L/ _
3 c6 W% ~- {# @4 L
unfortunalety not my heart
; Y" Z; @/ Q  a! M; A$ ZIt is slashed by you ( c: \* I) Z1 L% O/ p5 [! v
and I am seriously hurt
0 b4 K8 R$ o' d7 n! Y# ^' R* o( y3 N
I will never love another
7 d- g' l1 N' p4 q! DIf my heart can be fixed
鲜花(657) 鸡蛋(3)
发表于 2008-12-21 19:53 | 显示全部楼层
my english is so poor, can't understand your meaning.
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发表于 2008-12-21 19:57 | 显示全部楼层
这个,能不能叫情人眼里出西施,连小痘痘都升级作STAR了=。=
鲜花(40) 鸡蛋(1)
发表于 2008-12-21 20:46 | 显示全部楼层
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 楼主| 发表于 2008-12-22 17:44 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 冰山上的来客 于 2008-12-21 19:53 发表 ! n, r0 G+ b5 K# V  j
my english is so poor, can't understand your meaning.
/ ~7 b7 s; d9 f+ n9 }

" t% r3 d0 X- v9 d: `7 q咱可是请高手指点, 你都不明白, 我看就算了吧
大型搬家
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-12-22 18:06 | 显示全部楼层
配上卡萨布兰卡的旋律就可以唱了,呵呵
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 楼主| 发表于 2008-12-22 21:34 | 显示全部楼层
楼上, 卡萨布兰卡的歌好听吗?
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发表于 2008-12-23 19:24 | 显示全部楼层

楼主的诗很雷人

强!强!强!SEX!SEX!SEX!: e. S7 h7 f0 j' ~' |1 f6 ~# u
不过像我这种对中文诗都没有什么研究的人,对贵作就更不敢胡言乱语啦!顶一下。
大型搬家
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-12-24 07:04 | 显示全部楼层
sweeite,
; p& h) `* [; _% w% Ai am sorry to say that ur poem sucks.
! p% ~$ o: ]8 jAnd this is something I change. Whatever left r too sucky to be changed
$ _9 `& f$ g, [, ^! S6 |6 H& G) F: L
with the charm,( x+ A7 c# U% E0 j  a1 k" M
with the simles.8 T, H* b* H5 O. Y( M
I fell in love with you
6 W. b: z( v8 s4 fIn the first sign.
$ c# |% g9 k$ `6 gAs spotting sky at a summer
% G, r; j+ j, F$ {/ U: G: O; C2 l2 K, B! R6 F7 e1 ^# L
Your lip is so soft
2 h2 o3 C& y% ythere is not honey can sweeter than ur kiss# F* j. Q+ i( j+ t
Your body is so sexy/ V  u: V0 G) A% ?- ~
And I cannt image the moment I  touch u.9 W- o/ ?5 H0 L  l8 L
( s. _3 X/ D6 F' z+ v
I am deeply in love* M6 ?& l) m5 d( k
Everything from you is so charming
2 J  n* l2 A# [7 C1 c" h% d7 jalthough You r so picky for me
5 n! {$ Z3 R* o4 i, Q; I! S$ uAnd I take them as ur buttefly feelings.
鲜花(0) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-12-24 07:16 | 显示全部楼层
THis is the poem in SNTC S2 and it is not a good one 2.
8 |7 U: m1 ^) b- oBut u can copy the way how she ranges the poem
8 i: {" v2 N; \, z, f7 ~9 a1 M" z1 O) J/ {3 f

  I2 r+ Z, ]2 z. V% t. ^His hello is the end of her endings
3 y8 ]( H, M; }  j7 \  wHer laugh is their first step down  the aisle2 r- W6 V( ^2 [- o. R
His hand would be hers to hold forever$ d1 z7 L6 \0 `0 v; r
His forever is simply as her smile 3 e6 b8 O% L+ @* [$ f
He said she was what was missing
5 o5 \" Q1 L$ z9 KShe said instantly she knew; ]% _- W# F. G  P9 n' s
She was a question to be answered6 o0 v/ M: f5 ?$ S2 g  x
And his answer is
, k: ]0 o0 L1 eI do
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 楼主| 发表于 2008-12-24 14:37 | 显示全部楼层
Rain bow, you are so right. You improved it , and now it is much better. Seems you also like poems. that is good and wish to keep in touch with each other. Merry Xmas7 }3 C' ?( u. f$ y

7 n: J; p# p$ j7 U9 i$ GBelow is my new one, any comment?
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 楼主| 发表于 2008-12-24 14:38 | 显示全部楼层
It’s amazing how I felt2 }, I$ f  t2 g- G5 \# X

: t+ H2 ]8 {( |* {  \It's amazing how I felt - g( a3 ~1 l) j9 J
when I was with you: W, P# M9 v7 n7 X) M
My heart beat so fast; G* M' V0 A8 f6 h! u2 X
I looked at you and thought
  a, N& d( ?; j* t: jHoly Jesus, you were so cute1 i/ ?+ A$ |+ y' Z# Z5 r

" g8 p2 E- S5 v* m- O* ~" pYou left me without a word+ \& }% n* C2 [0 O  `8 N
I have nothing except my emptiness
$ v9 A( \# G' _! h$ G5 T8 w# T! @My mood is like a cloud
" |4 i2 m6 |8 B6 JHow could it be dispersed?
! @% l8 w# ~, T& u2 f' {% t
: W* Z3 z* D: v; _Feelings bite my heart
9 Z+ R2 {- A6 Y. eYou are the right one I wait
8 y7 [( C& S' X; v3 `In the depth of my soul; c- y9 p; a2 k' [3 C4 c
I will love you till I'm dead
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发表于 2008-12-24 15:24 | 显示全部楼层
同言同羽 置业良晨
闻一多怎么说来着,诗歌有音乐美,建筑美,绘画美
: ]; a0 d( k3 x& u你的就是白花文,而且很多英文的用法根本不地道8 _6 N; }$ S4 o  R2 K) f
就和用中文写一次$ A/ v" M' e  ]. v$ G
阿,我爱你
7 ?' r, r: U  J你让我心跳好快* Y6 f; o  K4 e" }. N+ w
你让我脸发热" f+ N5 O7 W& g* S" d* l
我爱上你的大嘴唇1 c( `7 h/ u. h+ E& q/ k
XXXXX
1 z  e& h  q+ d  M# P8 O不知道你能不能受得了这样的中文呢?
! ]% U% ~  k, w, |9 Z7 U6 |3 x% Q8 B6 q4 K# j: ]0 r
如果你写得如此白话文的话,不如向你喜欢的女子写封LOVE LETTER& F& C* T& m2 Q9 L  `
至于,你最缺乏的意境,强烈要求你参考我给你贴的诗歌, 看看别人怎么用最白话的文字,写出有绘画美,建筑美和音乐美的东西
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发表于 2008-12-24 15:31 | 显示全部楼层
楼主的湿,绝对要赞一个,那叫做雷死人不要钱!强就一个字!!!!
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 楼主| 发表于 2008-12-24 16:03 | 显示全部楼层
原帖由 therainbow 于 2008-12-24 15:24 发表 $ m6 @0 a$ z1 n2 W# q1 D1 [
闻一多怎么说来着,诗歌有音乐美,建筑美,绘画美
, J7 C* t' U# B; a2 L9 x" {你的就是白花文,而且很多英文的用法根本不地道
% A2 O" \# m+ ^. r就和用中文写一次* w. E: d- V0 J. c. s* @# _
阿,我爱你
7 J" d+ u, f8 x0 U( Z" d你让我心跳好快
, z6 r( q5 B, z) Y/ \& g你让我脸发热
" u7 c. U) L4 j3 w! _7 e& T, i: G我爱上你的大嘴唇: j) L  X  c" Y: p
XXXXX3 y% ^4 i5 q& r
不知道你能不能受得了这样的 ...
! ~% u  R4 S" l! f$ i5 I5 \3 v
) g' ]6 `9 R2 r( j" M4 u
靠, 你要是不爱女人的厚嘴唇和性感的身体的话, 难道你会爱女人的脚趾头和胳胳窝不成?
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发表于 2008-12-25 00:13 | 显示全部楼层
恩,我无语了
鲜花(5) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-12-25 07:37 | 显示全部楼层
同言同羽 置业良晨
这也叫诗,勇气大大的.
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鲜花(1115) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-12-25 12:22 | 显示全部楼层
Match the following Song! Casablanca.
, G0 B/ K+ O! A9 ]
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鲜花(14) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-12-25 16:55 | 显示全部楼层
鲜花(120) 鸡蛋(0)
发表于 2008-12-31 02:08 | 显示全部楼层
码字能连句,转行也成诗。。。
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