Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:

CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
/ `4 o8 B1 J! u9 n. i" C! ZBEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
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VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

" j# A9 z/ \9 w6 s  }; FP/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
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' K; \. Q" S( BBROKER -- What my broker has made me.

1 Q3 \% @- d9 v: S0 XSTANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
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MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

7 H+ k& q+ j. u  S8 HCASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
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YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

( _! I4 l3 j- G* _! y2 SINSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.

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: K# \4 d; d9 h  Q/ bIf you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
, y  F+ w- z4 ?0 w$ N( PWith AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
4 l/ t" I; P4 N2 ^5 l* A$ pBut, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
9 d) x5 ]5 I/ u: X9 SBased on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

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What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
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* t  t+ {, R# N9 \. b                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
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0 o5 a, ]+ }& r$ P7 q) wPoliticians and diapers have one thing in common...   
     
                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵