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CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
. `! g% L/ p6 ]5 O: O6 zCFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
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BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
) f1 Q. X' [( D$ {* h3 cBEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex. : o7 x& L' x6 O* |* X7 k
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VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower. 9 `& p& D% ~ p/ C" @& [1 t6 i
+ e+ B9 g; D" p3 dP/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing. 2 F- C; Y: w9 h2 ]$ g% o% a
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BROKER -- What my broker has made me. * d1 m; V- T7 C) H2 a1 ~
& f* D8 T$ q' A- e Y1 U3 QSTANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
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STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
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STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves. : G0 t* }: z) W( O
r% \& @) o/ I/ vFINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected. 1 x0 A/ ?* J$ s: U5 \# G2 C7 y
' O. A! O7 Q2 F9 M' c. f1 tMARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks. ; a: e1 H) d; A
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CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet. 2 h" K4 x7 t: q1 I, A
" s3 E1 v3 G k0 J: f) a% NYAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
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7 i! X Y! F4 Z2 c( G s$ oWINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.* }! W3 F& x" ^5 F+ w1 [
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INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse. 4 Y& n* P& n6 {2 d2 ]) r1 W5 b
; Y; g2 D. L& c% _% LPROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.2 v6 |* M) `9 r; ]* @' i5 m9 O
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5 }4 E: t& c. K4 n6 J8 A4 RIf you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
& \) l4 E" j7 J) @! V$ D- lWith Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.9 |( p, {' z7 ^3 j2 J/ x+ t- H
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.* O1 R# C3 ]0 p- v! |: a' x
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash. ( V" e) r' ^ K! u3 p# N& I
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.. _' q) v5 a7 f0 M
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! e$ k) r" z2 X0 N, d: l3 {What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
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1 l6 L: h9 r4 v+ O q2 Y! { A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.* E6 y4 i" R) z3 X3 N' u4 H
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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common... % O, \# u' K: [
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...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason. |
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狗仔卡
发表于 2008-11-22 15:26
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