Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:

CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
* Y- Q* A/ K1 u2 @- bCFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

. y0 y- t( r3 S; G7 GBULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

5 L* z2 ?" {! f+ s" r8 g. ]8 bP/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

+ Z* o4 j$ Y  D  FBROKER -- What my broker has made me.
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8 R& H6 n( K* G9 m) c6 [STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

  d. J6 |, s+ ~8 N' v# [STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

- T& d' \; K; J# M* V4 _/ lFINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
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MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
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9 i7 F2 o5 [/ q3 B# H6 YCASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
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YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

, C7 c: H1 }( e) y: @" kINSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
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( G8 ~6 X; n1 }PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.

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6 y1 {7 Y& l( f% d, kIf you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
; [. h; G5 K  ~With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
& q( v0 h' W  B; tBut, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
$ U0 p) R3 m' ^9 D. H" S  PBased on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
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5 \# h/ R- ^& A3 c- h: IWhat is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
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                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.

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/ v# H: m  a% q5 C& _Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
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$ M- E0 x" H1 t& x) J, d2 D                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵