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9 R* \. q( U- M1 s6 {' ~9 kCEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
0 A1 m4 j* R# M4 iCFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
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4 I$ U+ g( m5 H$ k2 d) w mBULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius. ' m! ~6 R2 W; D7 B) w
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex. 1 }/ d, Z2 a( j1 p( {
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VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
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- I4 n1 {2 w0 `" f, bP/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
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1 r. k3 W: e3 o3 i9 g z x" ZBROKER -- What my broker has made me.
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. K) R: l x, j2 J! x* A2 hSTANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell. , Q$ S+ t5 W& ]; P, r5 N# T1 a1 U# q
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STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
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STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
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9 N1 m! s( V5 }- O9 SFINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected. ; R0 X2 V% Q) w2 T1 u. z2 R! ^
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MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks. ( }" J a; X. H f5 ^) }" `
, H: q2 ]' H' m. R- X, zCASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet. 6 q- a7 K# X( A4 |0 b
% R0 D$ J& L; G& ]/ [YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share. ' L Z" Z1 b( d/ s+ {/ R: V( D3 y
- k# N" p, m( ]5 J9 a- d, EWINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
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INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse. # D$ i+ r+ V* h, V! |; P
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PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
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9 n3 Z% k- Y9 X! S- UIf you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.2 W/ e; W4 ?( `& _
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
: l1 Z% p, n3 @1 e z6 Y8 u8 FWith AIG, you would have less than $15 left.% x4 a) E$ l7 }5 m3 X
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash. " E. r/ N9 _! E- }) p% d4 R9 u
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
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What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
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4 V0 [! r) }8 w) K4 E M A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes., R y" L# I. K7 u- D
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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common... 2 X& ?. m( f; X6 G% t
- h/ u; f) j8 w6 g ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason. |
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狗仔卡
发表于 2008-11-22 15:26
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