Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:

CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

5 O, P  B' }7 i5 o5 hBULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
' b: v6 ]! t# UBEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

; Z3 N2 z# F& W  DVALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

9 u8 b/ O2 p8 K. i5 Z7 `BROKER -- What my broker has made me.

& e3 o- X  F2 QSTANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
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STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
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CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
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% o: a% W, A$ S" B4 H  qYAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

6 P" b# u* e, {( |9 `2 DWINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
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INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

9 a4 X. d' p+ s0 A2 R. y6 @PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
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2 r8 n3 h8 r7 ~( \If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
9 H4 X( ~; p7 [; M% k' EBased on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
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3 j2 L# t/ O, Z' P) V. L9 R1 oWhat is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?

' x7 o- e% W9 L3 ?                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
     
                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵