Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:
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CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
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% Z# q: v% s, ~( t) g% VBULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

! H# p( {7 I7 I( H+ S- _: T9 IVALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
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( l' o/ \' b, D+ s( l8 fP/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
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BROKER -- What my broker has made me.
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3 C% {& m9 i  X+ S7 eSTANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

/ f1 F, N# b  S. gSTOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
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. v5 P/ }% g! t# c0 P, Y3 I8 {STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
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CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
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6 Z3 t  ], K% N9 o1 EYAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
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WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

7 k. Y) c# p2 ?2 i2 QINSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
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, W, w7 I7 n1 s* CPROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.

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If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
  |' \$ r0 L; C9 MWith Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
3 ^: D$ n# j1 Q/ Z8 c4 h. uBased on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
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What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
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8 u7 J, D' z+ ~/ l                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
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+ D4 P; D7 {7 l1 \/ FPoliticians and diapers have one thing in common...   
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                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵