Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:

CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
# n# u1 a# S1 Q/ t8 K
! s9 i+ d6 `/ {- I, e9 ABULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
- p' H/ i6 ~6 O% m% o2 p/ L
P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
7 ]$ A* ]. \' e- P: A; L
. u% ~3 o9 \7 m7 Z3 {! @- W8 KBROKER -- What my broker has made me.

STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

+ k* l" z8 O0 u& D/ q1 \) j/ tSTOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

9 a) J. w) W1 [STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
' D4 ?# t$ I' H- a' f5 ?
: n( d6 `" H: e4 j' DFINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
5 {4 X& m3 w( C5 j$ B
0 |9 s1 x) Q- P8 O1 M0 e) f6 e6 `( nMARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
- h4 w: r% P- ]0 c( o
CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
- N& }& e2 }! ?9 U9 ]+ {, w
+ S+ t7 _, s* D4 V" c( HYAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

2 @8 P* U1 a' j) w' IWINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
: N/ Z7 h. y( E& q
% c, Q* y. g2 g, C% w0 sPROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
1 O& ~" U9 V5 J! S# h, T
```````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````  
# u) [' W9 S3 XIf you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
& l2 X9 C, ~1 r$ ^* Q7 YWith Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
3 |' }; j$ k' l/ ^+ i" G' |With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
' m. l4 q% k) p- ^% L6 q3 mBased on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
& \; G% K; \9 c/ h; s
`````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````
) l- Q8 ~( u  T4 y
What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
+ }2 _/ G0 L( Y8 a
1 c$ e1 A) U% x( T# X                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.

1 y  `  e0 v* j: c3 C``````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````````
) P0 n/ F  l4 I3 i9 qPoliticians and diapers have one thing in common...   
0 f5 E! E) l# |     
, ^2 F( v" Y! u2 e                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵