weekend happyness

ares4p

A shepherd was herding his flock in a remote pasture when suddenly a brand-new
+ n2 G' L# w$ i& E7 aBMW advanced out of the dust cloud towards him. The driver, a young man in a
Broni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban sunglasses and YSL tie, leaned out the window
7 G# _, h- G9 x! B' ]and asked the shepherd, "If I tell you exactly how many sheep you have in your
flock, will you give me one?"
% k3 t0 `! L% V% C0 B$ p
The shepherd looked at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looked at his
5 u. A6 ~& a; Tpeacefully-grazing flock and calmly answered, "Sure."

The yuppie parked his car, whipped out his IBM ThinkPad and connected it to a
0 b) V5 B% G1 W4 N# D1 Xcell phone, then he surfed to a NASA page on the internet where he called up a
GPS satellite navigation system, scanned the area, and then opened up a database
and an Excel spreadsheet with complex formulas. He sent an email on his
Blackberry and, after a few minutes, received a response. Finally, he prints out
a 130 page report on his miniaturized printer then turns to the shepherd and
says,"You have exactly 1586 sheep".
" [6 u' I6 {* _- ~, t
"That is correct; take one of the sheep" said the shepherd.

" h+ i4 N  z& M5 uHe watches the young man select one of the animals and bundle it into his
) Z( w3 p3 z7 Q/ D- {- ^car.
2 I4 @& _& r; W: Q# n2 {* r
  u) i: u) a5 SThen the shepherd says: "If I can tell you exactly what your business
  W$ i5 p% F- t% b0 e0 e: y- jis, will you give me back my animal?"
% ?" W1 j0 @' F3 t! q+ \
"OK, why not" answered the young man.

$ ?% j# \# A- ]9 t5 ~"Clearly, you are a consultant" said the shepherd.

"That's correct" says the yuppie, "but how did you guess that?"

1 D& C, _$ ?7 L* S" v"No guessing required" answers the shepherd. "You turned up here although
nobody called you. You want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a
question I never asked, and you don't know crap about my business.... Now give
. x& I) u+ k5 X" R0 o' P* |me back my dog".

ares4p

a woman walks into a supermarket, and notices a male customer whose zipper is
undone. The woman kindly says" excuse me sir,but your barracks doors are open".
Not having a clue what the woman was talking about he continued shopping. A few
6 N# W. j/ O/ c! Dmoments later another customer approached the man and explained that his zipper
# ]  M0 a* @" x- owas undone. The man zipped up and continued his shopping. At the checkout he ran
. f2 \( T; B: u/ f2 S; c- [into the woman who originally informed him of his zipper.He decides to play into
her unusual comment; "excuse me maam, when you noticed my barracks door was
open, did you happen to see a soldier standing at full attention?" The woman
responded by saying " no, all i saw was a disabled vet sitting on two duffle
bags"

ares4p

Three couples were married and stayed at the same hotel for their honeymoons,
0 @- P' f4 a8 K+ F1 D" Rwhere they were all taken care of by Dave the Bellboy.

The first man married a nurse.
) a4 Y1 k4 u% a: J* S$ ?3 ?' q
Dave showed them to their room and thought to himself, "What a lucky guy.
Nurses are known to be hot to trot".
5 Y2 l; S; U5 _
7 Z' G7 R5 ^: y2 M% }The second man married a telephone operator.

Dave showed them to their room and thought to himself,?Wow, he's a lucky one.
, D, G% y+ v% t/ ?8 `$ _6 i# VTelephone operators have sexy voices and once you pop that top
button...A-bomb.?
- A& x1 G+ |1 p2 A
The third man married a school teacher.
% t% B7 e- v9 K$ t; g
Dave showed them to their room and thought to himself, "Poor guy, she's pretty
but teachers are just too frigid".

( i- g# Z) R& H* BThe next morning, Dave reported to work at 5:30 in the morning. He expected
! J+ p" u3 s9 b3 n' [/ E; C8 x# Qonly the teacher's husband to call for breakfast any minute and the other two
% `' l8 l) u2 f. W. R- {1 fwould call much later in the day.
- \/ E& C: ^5 v4 ?% Y
At 6:00 a.m. the phone rang. It was the nurse's husband wanting breakfast. The
: L4 M0 e( c9 F% enurse's husband opened the door and Dave stepped back in shock. The man's
: ^4 R0 [, j& {9 o' Vpajamas were still pressed and his hair nicely combed.
  X# Q$ n; E7 n" n( U
8 J3 y5 y+ z) a* l3 E  U4 C+ T; zDave asked, "What happened sir? You married a nurse.

The man sourly replies, "Son, don't ever marry a nurse. All I heard last night
' h# J1 `9 d: s9 u- l7 Twas her nagging voice saying, 揧ou抮e not sanitary, and you抮e not sanitary."
$ m( p' K0 l( E' u. m6 e: @2 b  w- p
At 6:30 a.m., the phone rang again.

! {, l6 {+ {% h7 F: h" e4 c6 @7 CThe telephone operator's husband called for breakfast. Dave brought it as fast
) ~: X+ H$ `: T; \  Pas possible hoping for the best. The man opened the door and Dave stepped back
in shock. The man's hair and pajamas were properly combed and pressed.
9 F( r8 g" {$ a. p
Dave asked," What happened? Telephone operators are supposed to be as sexy as
their voices."
; K/ e  A4 a* }
The man sourly replies "Son, don't ever marry a telephone operator. All I
3 Y% \6 T: T2 r# fheard last night was her nasal voice saying, "You're three minutes are up, your
5 Z  A7 r/ p. @$ f, ^( zthree minutes are up."
/ f. j! L& R+ r( \: W2 ]
Dave went back down to the desk, just knowing the teacher抯 husband would be
calling any minute.

Finally at 4:30 p.m., the teacher's husband called for breakfast.
, |! O3 G. ^5 S5 J1 r! w
Dave can't believe it but quickly took the breakfast to the couple抯 room. The
) Z' x! w) Z* y3 [* L+ h( Sman opened the door and Dave took a step back in shock. The man was wearing only
7 X) d5 H) o- Mhis boxers, his hair was a mess, and he had scratch marks on his chest, arms and
legs.
6 g8 [1 C/ ^- ^* E, S
Joe fearing the worst asked 揥hat happened to you? Did you have a
fight?"
; Y1 t9 q* \; l5 q. y7 I+ \
The man smiled and happily replied, "No. Son, when you marry, be sure to marry
a school teacher. All I heard last night was her sexy smooth voice saying "We
are going to do this over and over, until we get right."

billzhao

good job! thanks for sharing