weekend happyness

ares4p

A shepherd was herding his flock in a remote pasture when suddenly a brand-new
BMW advanced out of the dust cloud towards him. The driver, a young man in a
, |& U5 t% J4 l5 aBroni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban sunglasses and YSL tie, leaned out the window
  n4 b0 C! ^& D- Gand asked the shepherd, "If I tell you exactly how many sheep you have in your
flock, will you give me one?"
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The shepherd looked at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looked at his
0 W) f' ^1 ?2 G4 A- S5 A7 Y* |peacefully-grazing flock and calmly answered, "Sure."
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# z$ Y! ~8 y# {; _# H, WThe yuppie parked his car, whipped out his IBM ThinkPad and connected it to a
cell phone, then he surfed to a NASA page on the internet where he called up a
GPS satellite navigation system, scanned the area, and then opened up a database
and an Excel spreadsheet with complex formulas. He sent an email on his
Blackberry and, after a few minutes, received a response. Finally, he prints out
+ Z! R; S  R0 i8 _" \a 130 page report on his miniaturized printer then turns to the shepherd and
says,"You have exactly 1586 sheep".

; f4 U1 _$ l/ `6 k2 P# T  U"That is correct; take one of the sheep" said the shepherd.
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/ W! I$ y5 }2 Y+ HHe watches the young man select one of the animals and bundle it into his
car.
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Then the shepherd says: "If I can tell you exactly what your business
is, will you give me back my animal?"

7 h; @# D+ _8 G8 [* j1 N* @"OK, why not" answered the young man.
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"Clearly, you are a consultant" said the shepherd.

"That's correct" says the yuppie, "but how did you guess that?"

2 t5 [0 O3 E- B/ y( i& P"No guessing required" answers the shepherd. "You turned up here although
2 X1 Q" x' _. U! Z  s/ N. ynobody called you. You want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a
8 O# ^2 E; _: S$ ~& aquestion I never asked, and you don't know crap about my business.... Now give
me back my dog".

ares4p

a woman walks into a supermarket, and notices a male customer whose zipper is
, A6 ]9 S5 u) e' G% Rundone. The woman kindly says" excuse me sir,but your barracks doors are open".
Not having a clue what the woman was talking about he continued shopping. A few
# k& [" T9 ^% G" T# Imoments later another customer approached the man and explained that his zipper
was undone. The man zipped up and continued his shopping. At the checkout he ran
% [) ~: j5 N9 a7 G" u9 W2 binto the woman who originally informed him of his zipper.He decides to play into
6 ~" b# B) K+ T: w; sher unusual comment; "excuse me maam, when you noticed my barracks door was
open, did you happen to see a soldier standing at full attention?" The woman
responded by saying " no, all i saw was a disabled vet sitting on two duffle
) x% R5 z$ m: D9 Q. p5 m0 Cbags"

ares4p

Three couples were married and stayed at the same hotel for their honeymoons,
where they were all taken care of by Dave the Bellboy.

" n/ U- `  p. \7 [: j+ WThe first man married a nurse.
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* d* W! L7 W8 ]$ tDave showed them to their room and thought to himself, "What a lucky guy.
( |# A1 i2 m6 ANurses are known to be hot to trot".
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8 w+ Q! r' O) L0 n5 S6 y+ TThe second man married a telephone operator.
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/ k* E& W% L0 p. nDave showed them to their room and thought to himself,?Wow, he's a lucky one.
4 F0 f2 g! a1 V' b7 WTelephone operators have sexy voices and once you pop that top
button...A-bomb.?
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+ C5 S6 U5 ]  EThe third man married a school teacher.
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* X( Z# h8 [6 N5 h) @Dave showed them to their room and thought to himself, "Poor guy, she's pretty
but teachers are just too frigid".

3 u* Y" u% a7 Z5 \* I' HThe next morning, Dave reported to work at 5:30 in the morning. He expected
only the teacher's husband to call for breakfast any minute and the other two
would call much later in the day.

At 6:00 a.m. the phone rang. It was the nurse's husband wanting breakfast. The
+ j0 C( s. a  lnurse's husband opened the door and Dave stepped back in shock. The man's
pajamas were still pressed and his hair nicely combed.

Dave asked, "What happened sir? You married a nurse.
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' }) p+ _! c& F6 O9 R* GThe man sourly replies, "Son, don't ever marry a nurse. All I heard last night
2 P3 X* y2 f. K8 |- X5 @: }4 _) owas her nagging voice saying, 揧ou抮e not sanitary, and you抮e not sanitary."
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; l4 G8 C7 j; a4 ]At 6:30 a.m., the phone rang again.
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: f2 d; V/ i* k7 X0 h9 d1 I3 i: OThe telephone operator's husband called for breakfast. Dave brought it as fast
; j) o0 _5 A3 {0 m5 sas possible hoping for the best. The man opened the door and Dave stepped back
& k! k1 [7 T9 e& s& F" gin shock. The man's hair and pajamas were properly combed and pressed.
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Dave asked," What happened? Telephone operators are supposed to be as sexy as
9 e6 A* x# ~* {$ ^2 ~  I- utheir voices."

8 J* y4 _5 p% eThe man sourly replies "Son, don't ever marry a telephone operator. All I
+ d: G9 o1 O% p, G3 ]6 Uheard last night was her nasal voice saying, "You're three minutes are up, your
three minutes are up."
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* \6 Y1 f2 |4 r& w+ [0 HDave went back down to the desk, just knowing the teacher抯 husband would be
. s& x3 d! ~5 ?" rcalling any minute.
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+ I) m6 X3 M0 t/ r" [: E& PFinally at 4:30 p.m., the teacher's husband called for breakfast.

) J1 M  ^! Y0 T& m1 GDave can't believe it but quickly took the breakfast to the couple抯 room. The
4 N" i( u8 y& w0 P: ]  V* ~man opened the door and Dave took a step back in shock. The man was wearing only
his boxers, his hair was a mess, and he had scratch marks on his chest, arms and
legs.

Joe fearing the worst asked 揥hat happened to you? Did you have a
$ R$ L; w8 u/ P- mfight?"
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; D, O% M6 X2 |& a+ y& mThe man smiled and happily replied, "No. Son, when you marry, be sure to marry
a school teacher. All I heard last night was her sexy smooth voice saying "We
3 B) I/ j( t( [8 Y' Care going to do this over and over, until we get right."

billzhao

good job! thanks for sharing