Just For A Laugh : LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON

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LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON
> > > >
> > > >A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence
> > > >and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on
+ h& E/ W! z5 y7 G% X2 U, W4 z> > > >little TONY.
> > > >He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."
> > > >The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your
>thinking."
7 P, k! g2 b; B; N0 r> > > >Then little TONY says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women
3 e4 [7 \& g  y0 ]> > > >sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the
> > > >sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the
8 O1 v8 [; d; a( L. {! f, [& s>
5 A( K& F' E, ]  J9 m! c5 ]> > > >top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice
>cream.
> > > >Which one is married?"
' u% n, J; f' M6 [9 Y" b& {) d> > > >The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the
+ _. J. k7 T: s, v# |0 a4 S> > > >one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
4 C7 f+ R5 k5 Q> > > >To which Little TONY replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with
( Q& V8 R' O' _1 Z/ v. j  C! r$ n% H! _: {> > > >the wedding ring on', but I like your thinking."
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> > > >
> > > >LITTLE TONY ON MATH
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) f: D. t; Z2 U> > > >Little TONY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
; e' @: e( Y( e! n4 S6 r> > > >"Why?" asks the father.
1 q% a( U: g1 h6 g2 Z3 _8 V, R# w" I: ~> > > >"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3', I said '6'," replies TONY.
% |9 s* r6 @) ~& ~# Z> > > >"But that's right!" says his dad.
> > > >"Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?' "
5 h+ y/ _9 A: @' ]6 u> > > >"What's the 法克ing difference?" asks the father.
$ W8 D7 k0 P# q0 p! k* a8 h1 \8 z8 b> > > >"That's what I said!"
> > > >
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5 S6 p* G* q2 A/ [7 y$ e+ ^> > > >
> > > >LITTLE TONY ON ENGLISH
> > > >
> > > >Little TONY goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are
4 R+ A, L  s0 `7 D  \> > > >going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an
' D+ f/ h" c0 o; `> > > >example of a multi-syllable word?"
> > > >TONY says "Masturbate."
> > > >Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little TONY, that's a mouthful."
) v3 f* U$ h; t0 a. b; V> > > >Little TONY says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."
> > > >
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> > > >
. t6 R5 e6 ^" E$ a5 G> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
> > > >
* j8 O( K( x) b3 u> > > >Little TONY was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed
6 H. E/ E4 i; S3 E> > > >to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a
$ X# A( I& r- R% s* t4 Y4 Y> > > >piss!!"
( s: }0 b9 q4 Y1 [) V> > > >The teacher replied, "Now, TONY, that is NOT the proper word to use
: g! @" O/ _2 @; ?> > > >in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate'.
6 o* V5 n( b: [> > > >Please use the word 'urinate' in a sentence correctly, and I will
1 L) Q" a; c$ A; E> > > >allow
) f3 S( n* w# f* V2 o> > > >you to go."
> > > >Little TONY, thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an eight, but
! l, z& Q. [$ S$ _. v0 h5 ^$ j: }> > > >if you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!"
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> > > >
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+ b4 q  ]- j3 f6 }0 z! s& h" F> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
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( i7 ^' b$ E7 e& ?! s% v# M4 j& ^0 L/ @> > > >One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a
> > > >show of hands from those who could use the! Word "beautiful" in the
> > > >same sentence twice.
% g2 I, V" w& ~5 b; z- u> > > >First, she called on little Suzy, who responded with, "My father
5 w+ Y: J% m; ^; D- b> > > >bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."
> > > >"Very good, Suzy," replied the teacher. She then called on little
" j8 U. i% q; L  B* X4 j7 c5 P; U> > > >Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out
8 h8 O. U% m; U' q" q& j8 v> > > >beautifully."
> > > >She said, "Excellent, Michael!" Then the teacher reluctantly
> > > >called on little TONY.
# Y, |3 p, Y$ U4 j( w> > > >"Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she
> > > >was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just 法克ing beautiful!"
> > > >
> > > >
2 a$ e% q+ m2 N$ ~. {> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GETTING OLDER
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> > > >Little TONY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar
> > > >after another. After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him
1 s( l, K0 r, ~4 Y6 s4 e> > > >said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It
. `0 p, A6 |/ I6 F5 g> > > >will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."
> > > >Little TONY replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."
> > > >The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"
" M% b- y+ q2 Q! c> > > >Little TONY answered, "No, he minded his own 法克ing business