Just For A Laugh : LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON

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LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON
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- n( j' X) s: p, w6 H" j> > > >A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence
> > > >and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on
. K3 n5 ]  C( H. m% G> > > >little TONY.
# R  W: v: I. w! R9 G2 V/ l> > > >He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."
> > > >The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your
9 A( |2 E1 M( H' P* _3 C! @( r! s& c>thinking."
; Z) j# U1 _* X> > > >Then little TONY says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women
> > > >sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the
4 g: O! x- u- w7 D1 ^1 f/ H7 p> > > >sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the
>
9 q: b; t- r3 d# \; ^( g> > > >top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice
>cream.
, t6 N3 S0 w5 C3 S> > > >Which one is married?"
> > > >The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the
  u6 J5 q& ]% p/ e2 S& \, d> > > >one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
% Z+ ~+ v0 u# k3 @5 a. m> > > >To which Little TONY replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with
> > > >the wedding ring on', but I like your thinking."
> > > >
> > > >
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0 u) `! Q$ E, f4 {8 w> > > >LITTLE TONY ON MATH
> > > >
> > > >Little TONY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
> > > >"Why?" asks the father.
> > > >"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3', I said '6'," replies TONY.
> > > >"But that's right!" says his dad.
> > > >"Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?' "
$ I0 d) m* c6 C/ ^7 D- B> > > >"What's the 法克ing difference?" asks the father.
4 X4 P: N2 Q+ z( _> > > >"That's what I said!"
> > > >
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON ENGLISH
> > > >
# v% g9 V! q. |5 D( n> > > >Little TONY goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are
0 c9 j9 C* Q/ R! U> > > >going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an
- M2 K6 |% f1 g( d  L3 p. `> > > >example of a multi-syllable word?"
- |3 i& V, {% i> > > >TONY says "Masturbate."
0 V7 v' T# }0 R; u" \  z> > > >Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little TONY, that's a mouthful."
> > > >Little TONY says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."
> > > >
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
> > > >
> > > >Little TONY was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed
; T! t, U9 ?8 b) C> > > >to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a
3 e" {5 u% j4 E% v* ^> > > >piss!!"
> > > >The teacher replied, "Now, TONY, that is NOT the proper word to use
> > > >in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate'.
7 B" M1 o! ^& ]; h! P) c> > > >Please use the word 'urinate' in a sentence correctly, and I will
, w$ }! f5 G  D3 ?+ B+ Y> > > >allow
' W! \" q2 W- Y4 K" W7 P> > > >you to go."
> > > >Little TONY, thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an eight, but
5 L) {' k# @) y/ Y' r4 L> > > >if you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!"
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> > > >
> > > >
% T6 s1 I% [, B3 g4 n# O, |> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
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> > > >One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a
1 O) \2 ~* l. I6 M0 G% d! ~5 }> > > >show of hands from those who could use the! Word "beautiful" in the
% r8 ]. d1 ?8 \6 S. l> > > >same sentence twice.
> > > >First, she called on little Suzy, who responded with, "My father
> > > >bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."
* a3 d; D4 n& X1 e> > > >"Very good, Suzy," replied the teacher. She then called on little
> > > >Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out
> > > >beautifully."
6 [  q9 m9 N" [+ A> > > >She said, "Excellent, Michael!" Then the teacher reluctantly
* _( n  g# m+ P" A" w( R" ^# U> > > >called on little TONY.
> > > >"Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she
$ K4 ?9 u  Y9 j0 w- o" Y> > > >was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just 法克ing beautiful!"
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GETTING OLDER
> > > >
6 d* C. g( {2 p2 |> > > >Little TONY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar
> > > >after another. After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him
> > > >said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It
) ?# m, ~! p0 Z9 S  x# ~! O> > > >will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."
7 U9 @5 q2 z: ?0 i> > > >Little TONY replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."
> > > >The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"
> > > >Little TONY answered, "No, he minded his own 法克ing business