Just For A Laugh : LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON

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LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON
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> > > >A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence
8 G% o. B+ q/ M  h> > > >and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on
' _" B( _8 x( F* R8 X$ _8 L> > > >little TONY.
0 F( `# K3 k' k/ L% {9 f3 u- y> > > >He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."
> > > >The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your
- g8 B* J2 B1 c2 z! U% a0 Y>thinking."
' A6 b0 U, x+ u9 W2 e> > > >Then little TONY says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women
> > > >sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the
> > > >sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the
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> > > >top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice
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7 W2 y& e" _* a. ]6 G% P& M; x> > > >Which one is married?"
  i! ?  i6 `) L! x! I8 a> > > >The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the
> > > >one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
> > > >To which Little TONY replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with
> > > >the wedding ring on', but I like your thinking."
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> > > >
> > > >LITTLE TONY ON MATH
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> > > >Little TONY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
' ^- Y' m' M5 \1 a1 F) P$ P, y> > > >"Why?" asks the father.
% {! Y. W6 |6 E% j* }9 E> > > >"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3', I said '6'," replies TONY.
> > > >"But that's right!" says his dad.
1 e( l8 u# d( N+ S) z8 s> > > >"Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?' "
> > > >"What's the 法克ing difference?" asks the father.
$ l2 O0 [4 H# W/ w7 N& U" m( s> > > >"That's what I said!"
> > > >
> > > >
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON ENGLISH
> > > >
> > > >Little TONY goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are
! Z" {' l4 [, ~/ M> > > >going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an
> > > >example of a multi-syllable word?"
> > > >TONY says "Masturbate."
6 V% Q) J; x+ @; Y0 u7 I> > > >Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little TONY, that's a mouthful."
> > > >Little TONY says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."
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, |3 f' @8 q- [& a> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
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0 b+ }# X1 C6 A6 J! T> > > >Little TONY was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed
4 a1 f. m! S# }1 @2 ^! d> > > >to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a
> > > >piss!!"
> > > >The teacher replied, "Now, TONY, that is NOT the proper word to use
> > > >in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate'.
> > > >Please use the word 'urinate' in a sentence correctly, and I will
) I& Y0 e# _$ u; P> > > >allow
> > > >you to go."
  t# v: O' C% A2 ^8 \> > > >Little TONY, thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an eight, but
> > > >if you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!"
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
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# e! h/ O8 Q, ~0 y/ B. b> > > >One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a
# Z. t5 @& L7 X% ^> > > >show of hands from those who could use the! Word "beautiful" in the
/ e: M0 p" C6 V; D" A+ X5 d2 V9 A7 X> > > >same sentence twice.
4 ~+ \3 {* t9 C> > > >First, she called on little Suzy, who responded with, "My father
1 I% ^) s; \4 i. g0 }- J> > > >bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."
& Q* G% k6 [4 P; ]6 T9 [& r8 ?> > > >"Very good, Suzy," replied the teacher. She then called on little
5 D6 S1 R* V6 H/ n% |> > > >Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out
) i8 }3 e; o$ {> > > >beautifully."
$ v* k8 Z5 o2 t* K$ Z8 q% y> > > >She said, "Excellent, Michael!" Then the teacher reluctantly
, V& V) a3 u- N; z> > > >called on little TONY.
> > > >"Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she
' o5 `* o+ V, i: Y9 B  G4 l> > > >was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just 法克ing beautiful!"
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GETTING OLDER
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1 i8 q9 c1 w( t1 K, f8 V% t7 ~4 T> > > >Little TONY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar
$ T/ I  t, c6 j> > > >after another. After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him
> > > >said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It
> > > >will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."
> > > >Little TONY replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."
> > > >The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"
> > > >Little TONY answered, "No, he minded his own 法克ing business