Just For A Laugh : LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON

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LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON
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> > > >A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence
2 v2 W6 }& o6 D$ m( t> > > >and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on
> > > >little TONY.
5 R7 `3 V4 ?. B3 v4 S> > > >He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."
$ E& ~7 x1 D5 e, T8 Z- Z> > > >The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your
>thinking."
> > > >Then little TONY says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women
  ]- H% d! M0 C$ X( ]0 E> > > >sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the
( e) D: `# o( L" [$ F> > > >sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the
>
> > > >top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice
>cream.
' W4 C3 \$ ~, P( K: U> > > >Which one is married?"
> > > >The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the
> > > >one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
> > > >To which Little TONY replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with
> > > >the wedding ring on', but I like your thinking."
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, c) C( c- z% c  E* v> > > >LITTLE TONY ON MATH
> > > >
> > > >Little TONY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
> > > >"Why?" asks the father.
8 e1 W9 ~: V4 n) f- w> > > >"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3', I said '6'," replies TONY.
2 F2 m; O9 j9 x1 ~5 A& w> > > >"But that's right!" says his dad.
6 Y/ n5 O6 J6 Z# m  U5 _4 F> > > >"Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?' "
$ M! |8 G$ G" z> > > >"What's the 法克ing difference?" asks the father.
/ j/ ]9 x0 U& i4 B> > > >"That's what I said!"
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, s8 H7 W* H; L. J& j: e> > > >LITTLE TONY ON ENGLISH
> > > >
> > > >Little TONY goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are
0 D( O6 a0 c/ k. @# e9 R6 n> > > >going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an
> > > >example of a multi-syllable word?"
> > > >TONY says "Masturbate."
0 Q7 P& `6 E  o- G1 L> > > >Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little TONY, that's a mouthful."
6 q, ?( w! n$ q- z> > > >Little TONY says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
> > > >
> > > >Little TONY was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed
6 Z1 E, j( u' P+ l" R> > > >to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a
9 k) ^8 k+ }5 E0 o( z, K> > > >piss!!"
7 F. ^! ]4 \) \: W# X# N> > > >The teacher replied, "Now, TONY, that is NOT the proper word to use
> > > >in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate'.
> > > >Please use the word 'urinate' in a sentence correctly, and I will
- K% J$ v2 z9 Y& y9 r6 p> > > >allow
> > > >you to go."
* }7 Y* ~5 j" `  E" H> > > >Little TONY, thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an eight, but
9 `" u- r& \6 \+ K# T* Z0 ?7 N> > > >if you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!"
> > > >
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
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> > > >One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a
5 E/ Y3 A+ S, _* R- f- Z* h$ T> > > >show of hands from those who could use the! Word "beautiful" in the
> > > >same sentence twice.
) _2 S# ]. X9 x0 k* E! M> > > >First, she called on little Suzy, who responded with, "My father
( q; t2 w4 o) y' e$ v> > > >bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."
3 ?3 q6 m0 M+ m0 g" L) T3 ?( _> > > >"Very good, Suzy," replied the teacher. She then called on little
> > > >Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out
> > > >beautifully."
> > > >She said, "Excellent, Michael!" Then the teacher reluctantly
7 @% p+ P  Y2 `( j& ?> > > >called on little TONY.
> > > >"Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she
& D! x( c4 J, J6 y- v/ k/ y$ L> > > >was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just 法克ing beautiful!"
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GETTING OLDER
> > > >
> > > >Little TONY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar
9 V3 Y# {5 U& |5 p> > > >after another. After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him
> > > >said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It
3 x. u, E2 y) c; |( A$ e+ G7 w/ b> > > >will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."
) z8 F' k/ M, ]/ F' E- \7 v- \( E> > > >Little TONY replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."
> > > >The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"
> > > >Little TONY answered, "No, he minded his own 法克ing business