Just For A Laugh : LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON

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LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON
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" Y# `0 x4 z- l! ~; o> > > >A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence
> > > >and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on
( H, |! Y& Z, `5 A> > > >little TONY.
- L% ~7 l. f, S1 E  w9 [: S> > > >He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."
# m% A" v$ c! G6 P4 A' o: u* r3 b> > > >The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your
>thinking."
$ r8 v5 }' ?" q" Y" ~> > > >Then little TONY says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women
> > > >sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the
) T+ N. @( v* W5 o/ `3 l> > > >sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the
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. y- q& ]$ W9 `- G* r+ x> > > >top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice
; S8 S, L; `) u) i% d) V>cream.
& d* U  z# x( H> > > >Which one is married?"
. h7 H5 j  C- r/ e> > > >The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the
> > > >one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
> > > >To which Little TONY replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with
! J! ?* H! e( [. a) Z> > > >the wedding ring on', but I like your thinking."
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; b6 P( v! x( z; W, ]1 @> > > >LITTLE TONY ON MATH
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+ E$ c+ m+ N2 P9 Z* _> > > >Little TONY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
> > > >"Why?" asks the father.
" V0 t% c+ _! z> > > >"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3', I said '6'," replies TONY.
1 [' M. V4 w# p8 Q' `> > > >"But that's right!" says his dad.
4 ^2 }$ R" e+ O- D- J/ t> > > >"Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?' "
> > > >"What's the 法克ing difference?" asks the father.
> > > >"That's what I said!"
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/ e! A$ D: b. d' O> > > >LITTLE TONY ON ENGLISH
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* Y9 q5 ~$ u& T0 H: K% _* Z( |6 ?> > > >Little TONY goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are
0 D( P+ b1 Q# r> > > >going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an
! c0 J% [$ ?+ t& D/ ^8 N, T" [0 r> > > >example of a multi-syllable word?"
6 Q: u7 q' l- p7 ]% C> > > >TONY says "Masturbate."
2 i5 s: o! @- |2 {  ]. n/ e> > > >Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little TONY, that's a mouthful."
- @1 u( |: M4 ~5 k& Y- g& V+ n> > > >Little TONY says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."
> > > >
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> > > >
> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
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( D, u& y: ?5 t; C' n- l; C* V- b> > > >Little TONY was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed
> > > >to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a
) N4 `  J9 H, T" O1 F8 ~) f# Y" s> > > >piss!!"
9 H/ D5 O  I9 d7 ]/ D& g5 m> > > >The teacher replied, "Now, TONY, that is NOT the proper word to use
8 a8 e3 A  p9 g8 s> > > >in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate'.
> > > >Please use the word 'urinate' in a sentence correctly, and I will
/ G  N6 @% T( ]% Y5 |> > > >allow
- v  H; ^8 ]! [: p. Z> > > >you to go."
> > > >Little TONY, thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an eight, but
> > > >if you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!"
> > > >
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( H! W2 G9 P  o! n% h> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
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: y& j, A6 H  X& B  e> > > >One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a
  G3 }! C9 ?" @. L> > > >show of hands from those who could use the! Word "beautiful" in the
> > > >same sentence twice.
> > > >First, she called on little Suzy, who responded with, "My father
> > > >bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."
4 O1 A. g2 a5 E; |& R> > > >"Very good, Suzy," replied the teacher. She then called on little
8 _  D% A: j% p2 j0 P! _; S> > > >Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out
> > > >beautifully."
> > > >She said, "Excellent, Michael!" Then the teacher reluctantly
> > > >called on little TONY.
> > > >"Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she
> > > >was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just 法克ing beautiful!"
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> > > >
5 M% q: p# r6 Y9 T2 Z> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GETTING OLDER
> > > >
/ k) f  I$ ^  ^  ]# G6 `> > > >Little TONY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar
. r& E: p5 M9 n/ j> > > >after another. After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him
> > > >said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It
6 ?7 s% O/ E: T" T" J, Q9 a/ V> > > >will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."
- R8 x3 N6 X  s. J( Y: T> > > >Little TONY replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."
> > > >The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"
5 ^; D5 L& o5 z5 @( Z> > > >Little TONY answered, "No, he minded his own 法克ing business