Just For A Laugh : LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON

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LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON
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  z0 D: L7 M- @+ {; S! H> > > >A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence
" N' d  e1 ?5 N. d+ b> > > >and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on
% \9 L7 X5 w$ |" A3 C> > > >little TONY.
> > > >He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."
6 P9 d9 E) d2 W" l: t2 E3 K> > > >The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your
>thinking."
> > > >Then little TONY says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women
> > > >sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the
" W" `: t  r7 u+ C> > > >sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the
>
> > > >top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice
( o) {; N+ E0 u5 i>cream.
$ }3 f- Z$ I1 G> > > >Which one is married?"
) F, `* V0 B2 [0 y; w> > > >The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the
> > > >one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
+ t9 _* ^/ ?; R5 W: a( T- W> > > >To which Little TONY replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with
' D% f0 A* z- I> > > >the wedding ring on', but I like your thinking."
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON MATH
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> > > >Little TONY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
> > > >"Why?" asks the father.
2 ~8 o7 ^. \, \' |* p4 b- M> > > >"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3', I said '6'," replies TONY.
> > > >"But that's right!" says his dad.
  \* h2 k+ _9 H" \* Z6 R* k  r1 L$ K> > > >"Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?' "
> > > >"What's the 法克ing difference?" asks the father.
> > > >"That's what I said!"
> > > >
> > > >
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON ENGLISH
> > > >
> > > >Little TONY goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are
> > > >going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an
' F" R0 C% e2 l0 y> > > >example of a multi-syllable word?"
> > > >TONY says "Masturbate."
3 H0 r$ N& M! g7 |> > > >Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little TONY, that's a mouthful."
> > > >Little TONY says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."
> > > >
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
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9 Q" H+ ]+ }6 D* c> > > >Little TONY was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed
) X: b* _5 w  s) _8 N> > > >to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a
> > > >piss!!"
> > > >The teacher replied, "Now, TONY, that is NOT the proper word to use
> > > >in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate'.
> > > >Please use the word 'urinate' in a sentence correctly, and I will
> > > >allow
  `7 }  g$ t0 p0 C" o> > > >you to go."
> > > >Little TONY, thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an eight, but
, d* o8 D: O; u( j6 g! i7 [( S> > > >if you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!"
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
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> > > >One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a
> > > >show of hands from those who could use the! Word "beautiful" in the
& s3 c5 m4 o5 m( x1 ~% ~' B* w> > > >same sentence twice.
/ s5 F% q  U4 J7 N> > > >First, she called on little Suzy, who responded with, "My father
> > > >bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."
> > > >"Very good, Suzy," replied the teacher. She then called on little
> > > >Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out
# h# o* q  F6 h: I) D> > > >beautifully."
) z( i' E( q9 ]8 j4 t0 M> > > >She said, "Excellent, Michael!" Then the teacher reluctantly
3 `& g+ }/ e3 [$ k: V: }( z! R6 u> > > >called on little TONY.
> > > >"Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she
: t5 _" U( Y  ?% d' d* D" A> > > >was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just 法克ing beautiful!"
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GETTING OLDER
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1 m3 K4 I2 r8 p' w6 z( u) ^2 a> > > >Little TONY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar
> > > >after another. After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him
> > > >said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It
9 a9 h- p* |: M4 X. U1 g& y> > > >will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."
8 a* B) Q8 {$ b! g& ^: d> > > >Little TONY replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."
> > > >The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"
/ }2 _# m( W9 Y# ?* _- r9 E> > > >Little TONY answered, "No, he minded his own 法克ing business