Just For A Laugh : LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON

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LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON
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> > > >A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence
> > > >and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on
> > > >little TONY.
> > > >He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."
> > > >The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your
6 q* }/ U( D4 k- X* q& Z>thinking."
> > > >Then little TONY says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women
> > > >sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the
# ^! }4 q& V- u+ D. u7 D> > > >sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the
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> > > >top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice
' b% c8 b+ P6 ^1 ^/ F3 }' k; ^- A>cream.
, A: H( Y, F: H/ h: R2 c> > > >Which one is married?"
> > > >The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the
> > > >one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
: x% D: c- O/ V; w) Q3 ~> > > >To which Little TONY replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with
> > > >the wedding ring on', but I like your thinking."
> > > >
> > > >
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; \! W( M7 l* A8 N' {! K2 v> > > >LITTLE TONY ON MATH
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2 r" B" u! ?! W9 Z% Y0 \$ v5 M> > > >Little TONY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
> > > >"Why?" asks the father.
> > > >"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3', I said '6'," replies TONY.
  f# ?* d6 d+ S5 N5 j' s" @. `( U> > > >"But that's right!" says his dad.
8 k  k# f; E5 ?) p* e$ X# ?> > > >"Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?' "
2 q, f" m* i9 _* v( m; [> > > >"What's the 法克ing difference?" asks the father.
' U& X% J' O8 r. R> > > >"That's what I said!"
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/ n3 L* L4 ^( ^7 M> > > >LITTLE TONY ON ENGLISH
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> > > >Little TONY goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are
> > > >going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an
> > > >example of a multi-syllable word?"
> > > >TONY says "Masturbate."
> > > >Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little TONY, that's a mouthful."
> > > >Little TONY says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."
> > > >
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& s1 W- d4 {( v5 J' v3 A" B! ]3 z> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
> > > >
> > > >Little TONY was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed
+ v! n( x3 A- N5 n0 K" S/ E> > > >to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a
  K1 a2 X( l2 d9 v( u5 F> > > >piss!!"
9 n3 _* m+ ]+ K6 T> > > >The teacher replied, "Now, TONY, that is NOT the proper word to use
; z) n9 e" @/ c) F6 E3 E> > > >in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate'.
> > > >Please use the word 'urinate' in a sentence correctly, and I will
> > > >allow
> > > >you to go."
> > > >Little TONY, thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an eight, but
- p, V. M  N8 k* v. q- M/ Y> > > >if you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!"
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% ^- c8 R7 q& B3 B$ |4 ~( ^% }> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
> > > >
> > > >One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a
> > > >show of hands from those who could use the! Word "beautiful" in the
> > > >same sentence twice.
> > > >First, she called on little Suzy, who responded with, "My father
3 v; m1 D6 s' P/ M> > > >bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."
> > > >"Very good, Suzy," replied the teacher. She then called on little
> > > >Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out
. i# F$ R$ n$ X- `& ]$ \' @> > > >beautifully."
. M* a9 j$ K, |+ Z2 v1 L> > > >She said, "Excellent, Michael!" Then the teacher reluctantly
, Z6 b( L( Z  f* h# ]> > > >called on little TONY.
> > > >"Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she
$ I+ X6 h6 U; N  ~9 i> > > >was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just 法克ing beautiful!"
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5 p. {: L, P& T> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GETTING OLDER
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! I9 B( {; O9 ?4 O) U) b> > > >Little TONY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar
! p* M& v0 {5 g# [/ N9 e4 m* T> > > >after another. After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him
" c5 R$ e( P4 e! d> > > >said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It
2 T, U) L7 z) t> > > >will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."
> > > >Little TONY replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."
> > > >The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"
> > > >Little TONY answered, "No, he minded his own 法克ing business