Just For A Laugh : LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON

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LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON
> > > >
> > > >A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence
> > > >and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on
( S( h( a, A# n0 b6 M1 U> > > >little TONY.
> > > >He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."
$ Y- c+ Z# ^6 h3 j- `% M1 }, p% k. U> > > >The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your
2 T) R: f7 |$ B9 [8 s- d: e, ~>thinking."
> > > >Then little TONY says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women
> > > >sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the
> > > >sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the
>
1 ]& {! p7 ]5 i! {8 m> > > >top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice
>cream.
> > > >Which one is married?"
> > > >The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the
1 F- v/ X  o- s# T> > > >one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
> > > >To which Little TONY replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with
> > > >the wedding ring on', but I like your thinking."
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$ x+ I% R! g' F; H; x2 [; Y> > > >
) M" P7 `' S3 n> > > >LITTLE TONY ON MATH
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> > > >Little TONY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
, l; Z9 J/ h' t0 Q+ g> > > >"Why?" asks the father.
& Q9 j) {$ F4 T* l, W" p> > > >"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3', I said '6'," replies TONY.
& `/ Z$ X1 ?: ?2 T# w0 Z> > > >"But that's right!" says his dad.
3 b! S" y$ o# [# G. t- H> > > >"Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?' "
8 k+ M& C$ ~/ G% I> > > >"What's the 法克ing difference?" asks the father.
! T9 m4 e9 ^' `. q! q2 v" \> > > >"That's what I said!"
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> > > >
> > > >
> > > >LITTLE TONY ON ENGLISH
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> > > >Little TONY goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are
> > > >going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an
9 z9 e& l% b. z# ?/ O- m7 p8 }! w> > > >example of a multi-syllable word?"
, n3 Q" \. A3 @> > > >TONY says "Masturbate."
9 C! n3 U/ [/ r# x5 s" d1 u> > > >Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little TONY, that's a mouthful."
" h7 i" O1 x4 g& C  r> > > >Little TONY says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."
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> > > >
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0 w: i; |% z. l% `> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
> > > >
7 X1 k5 i& p3 m> > > >Little TONY was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed
> > > >to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a
* r( p, u# B# Q% B> > > >piss!!"
> > > >The teacher replied, "Now, TONY, that is NOT the proper word to use
& a$ X2 h8 S6 q1 N/ d1 J) H) q9 Z8 x> > > >in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate'.
> > > >Please use the word 'urinate' in a sentence correctly, and I will
% X: n6 ^; w; X4 T; `> > > >allow
5 ^5 M; e! n1 a% [6 N, k> > > >you to go."
; K8 l7 m0 m& e8 l: H> > > >Little TONY, thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an eight, but
> > > >if you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!"
5 n/ @6 Z: k/ ~* [; v> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
> > > >
$ p& w; j! l' |$ i; w; [; ^> > > >One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a
> > > >show of hands from those who could use the! Word "beautiful" in the
! b# \2 U* S' T> > > >same sentence twice.
> > > >First, she called on little Suzy, who responded with, "My father
+ b+ \5 D1 v1 Z6 y5 {( f> > > >bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."
> > > >"Very good, Suzy," replied the teacher. She then called on little
: n' E$ `# @$ H3 f9 w> > > >Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out
> > > >beautifully."
, d3 L, r& ^# }* ]! V. ~> > > >She said, "Excellent, Michael!" Then the teacher reluctantly
; c) y3 _  G( e> > > >called on little TONY.
2 O2 s# g' Q! g8 z7 Y2 i% m0 @7 I> > > >"Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she
> > > >was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just 法克ing beautiful!"
> > > >
> > > >
0 U* F# I' ~; k6 H> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GETTING OLDER
> > > >
> > > >Little TONY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar
> > > >after another. After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him
0 w9 E% N+ N7 C  F1 a" X$ M> > > >said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It
> > > >will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."
> > > >Little TONY replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."
> > > >The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"
. p  i4 Y2 H; p4 ?% B( L> > > >Little TONY answered, "No, he minded his own 法克ing business