Just For A Laugh : LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON

sweetspot

LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON
> > > >
+ V' X; W, x7 H/ m1 `0 W6 v> > > >A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence
8 W) b; g9 ]& ~7 ?> > > >and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on
> > > >little TONY.
0 n+ Y/ T4 e  s6 {- S& R& S> > > >He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."
. h9 f. U# N' a8 Y1 X: s8 x> > > >The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your
>thinking."
' {, j3 }  p) c0 p0 x: c* m> > > >Then little TONY says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women
> > > >sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the
> > > >sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the
! [& q; U! [5 ^6 a6 p3 d+ Z>
> > > >top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice
>cream.
; @' h3 L% K, G& \$ Y8 Q3 C* t8 u> > > >Which one is married?"
> > > >The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the
> > > >one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
- U! W! z+ d' E. W> > > >To which Little TONY replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with
' r8 D( w1 ?5 x1 s> > > >the wedding ring on', but I like your thinking."
> > > >
9 s5 D( Q. S* q0 r> > > >
  m' B  ?" P7 g9 n: i> > > >
0 P7 ~/ w% e  S4 a> > > >LITTLE TONY ON MATH
  |$ P8 a- f( d) U. i> > > >
" `% B* o7 _7 y> > > >Little TONY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
> > > >"Why?" asks the father.
> > > >"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3', I said '6'," replies TONY.
+ X9 m- k6 e5 n8 U4 Z$ M> > > >"But that's right!" says his dad.
+ |3 d1 X+ m3 Q& |2 ^, O> > > >"Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?' "
5 e9 M6 M5 T8 E* I$ t9 i/ s> > > >"What's the 法克ing difference?" asks the father.
& M+ o6 y. W1 T) R3 y6 I  S, s! n> > > >"That's what I said!"
> > > >
0 A, Z% @8 @  v% F> > > >
2 t" ^5 a) Q# ~$ k" Q. a& l9 z$ V% z> > > >
: Z& X/ y) _: F4 _$ Z. O> > > >LITTLE TONY ON ENGLISH
) R; e* |/ H3 a> > > >
& g6 t3 {& A/ E2 |6 a& \& w# a5 j> > > >Little TONY goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are
> > > >going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an
) Q6 ?% c2 z4 e$ {1 Y> > > >example of a multi-syllable word?"
> > > >TONY says "Masturbate."
> > > >Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little TONY, that's a mouthful."
" G" V2 }2 j; d' M* R. U> > > >Little TONY says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."
' W) f7 k2 u4 m3 `5 _  M, w> > > >
> > > >
0 T: q' y- w: z, ?. ?( C5 Q> > > >
> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
> > > >
> > > >Little TONY was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed
> > > >to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a
- b: K* I( I9 s; A> > > >piss!!"
( c8 n5 V; f  N8 R> > > >The teacher replied, "Now, TONY, that is NOT the proper word to use
> > > >in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate'.
. M5 s4 Z6 w: C4 u> > > >Please use the word 'urinate' in a sentence correctly, and I will
* G- T& _6 H0 |+ G( v+ i+ O/ D9 T> > > >allow
> > > >you to go."
9 C& }$ e) L" @> > > >Little TONY, thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an eight, but
> > > >if you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!"
> > > >
, H8 ?) @" N' A+ q; Y/ s# D> > > >
> > > >
7 U; p( ~2 g$ V% a3 A% N( x> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
> > > >
> > > >One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a
> > > >show of hands from those who could use the! Word "beautiful" in the
> > > >same sentence twice.
/ M8 ?/ D$ Q3 W2 |$ g* [> > > >First, she called on little Suzy, who responded with, "My father
> > > >bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."
. o0 k  ^& ?4 |> > > >"Very good, Suzy," replied the teacher. She then called on little
> > > >Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out
' F& l3 C5 n" S) P( n9 z' t> > > >beautifully."
> > > >She said, "Excellent, Michael!" Then the teacher reluctantly
> > > >called on little TONY.
> > > >"Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she
5 ~8 p8 J* X. X: W> > > >was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just 法克ing beautiful!"
> > > >
> > > >
7 O7 m" S1 z; X% n% w0 \  k> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GETTING OLDER
> > > >
> > > >Little TONY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar
( }' ~( L) I5 O> > > >after another. After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him
; \& l# `1 F" n0 ]0 X9 v9 A> > > >said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It
% T! b/ J+ A# w( H9 [# M) s, X> > > >will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."
1 _# H4 f8 O" N> > > >Little TONY replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."
' N# r  X" v0 x) S> > > >The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"
> > > >Little TONY answered, "No, he minded his own 法克ing business