Modern Definitions

l8eac

The Washington Post publishes a yearly contest in which readers are asked to invent alternate meanings for various words.
! p) F" t  M! B- L3 X
$ B3 T4 `1 H0 d+ X% \The following were some of this year’s winning entries:

1. Coffee (n.), a person who is coughed upon.

5 b0 e- l  c3 a5 X$ C; m1 {) r2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have .

3. Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

% F4 e$ o' _4 s0 W4. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.

' L2 n; s) J) z5. Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent

! u! {6 O; M+ f( F7 G# m, c6. Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightie.

7. Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.
$ c2 z" u" i6 U0 R  |9 k8 q
) f- _& g: x& {; C8. Gargoyle (n.), an olive-flavoured mouthwash.

9. Flatulence (n.) the emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.

  W2 i6 [/ F) A! Q  ~# I10. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.
2 Y& V/ t  {  J! |9 y" x5 t
. n4 }$ s' W3 l. ]11. Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.

$ G) o* z# P: D1 W' {9 V% X12. Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified demeanour assumed by a proctologist immediately before he examines you.

13. Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddish expressions.

, w$ N9 X" p8 @& X9 Z14. Circumvent (n.), the opening in the front of boxer shorts.
' n: o+ T1 J8 F* ~) g! v# p
' e; @2 }+ S) \. l. D' g7 u* P8 j6 M. H15. Frisbeetarianism (n.), The belief that, when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck there.
* C  O" c0 i6 R( U: s
16. Pokemon (n.), A Jamaican proctologist.