黄西在David Letterman Show上的台词[英文]

十年移民路_

Hi everybody. So... I'm Irish. I read a report recently that a man reaches his sexual peak at age 18 but I didn't know this... until I was twenty five. So the world will never know what a stud I was. No one took a bite out of this peach when it was ripe.

I'm not good at sports, but I love parallel parking... because unlike sports, when you are parallel parking, the worse you are, the more people that are rooting for you.

I'm an immigrant and I used to drive an old car with a lot of bumper stickers that are impossible to peel off. And one of them said, "if you don't speak English, go home!" I didn't notice it for two years.
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I worked really hard to become a U.S. citizen and I have to take these American History lessons where they asked us questions like:

* j( V) H+ \$ G1 Q4 c% X3 @6 ]8 r"Who's Benjamin Franklin?"

0 i( J" T' x3 M; \8 \7 y9 }! eI was like; ahh... The reason our convenience stores get robbed?

And the second one was:
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9 ]$ v& u- `( ^$ z7 p7 I: F: I+ {"What's the 2nd Amendment?"

& h6 k0 f0 c- Y, H0 w1 GI was like; ahh... The reason our convenience stores get robbed?
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"What is Roe vs. Wade?"
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9 R3 ~# P0 u( _I was like ahh... Two ways of coming to the United States?

' t* c7 a5 ?: Z; i) Z! oI have a family now, but I used to be scared of marriage. I was like wow... 50 percent of all marriages end up lasting on forever!

I just had my first child last year. I was really amazed at it. I was in the delivery room, holding up my son, thinking to myself, "Wow... He was just born... And he's already a U.S citizen."

So I said to him, "DO you even know who is Benjamin Franklin?"

Now I have a sign in my car that says ”Baby On board.”
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7 k( W2 S" F) u8 y! B' r5 G* XThis sign is basically a threat. It just says that I have a screaming baby and a nagging wife and that I am not afraid of dying anymore.
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Thank you very much!
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: p. h7 k, O/ o' w0 J" E" z- d==========================
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Implicit explanations to audience with culture difference:

/ R/ }* Y/ o4 M# \6 J6 ^1. Ben Franklin's picture is on the US $100 bill.
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! H: H, O/ i' y0 D! @5 n* v2. Second Amendment refers to the US Constitution for the right to keep and bear arms.
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"Roe vs. Wade" is a famous court case that you'll learn about in history class that deals with abortion.

' d7 q( f6 E" U/ fJoe Wong used this case in a form of a question: What is Roe vs. Wade? To which he cleverly delivered the punchline "Two ways of coming to the United States".

Roe is used as a play on words to describe "row", as in using a boat to "row" to the US.
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8 y4 \! m$ T# \# _5 }  C) g. Z# ~The denotation of wade was used, the definition meaning "to walk in water".

billzhao

the first passage is funny. I did not fully comprehend the humor until I looked for the exact meaning of stud, which means:
a young man, esp one who is thought to be very active sexually and is regarded as a good sexual partner 小伙子（尤指性慾旺盛堪为性伴侣的）.

cyz0116

THANK YOU VERY MUCH FOR YOUR SHARING. IT IS REALLY USEFUL. JOE WANG IS A FUNNY GUY AND HAS ACHIEVED AMAZING ACHIEVEMNET.

billzhao

朝阳

this guy is really cool.

cyz0116

50 percent of all marriages end up lasting on forever。
% }( p6 `+ R( d怎么理解？
) N: x  t& I+ v+ N; {! C: ^2 ~50%的婚姻最终走向永恒？

Tara2009

6# cyz0116

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不离婚，白头到老

朝阳

50 percent of all marriages end up lasting on forever。
怎么理解？
50%的婚姻最终走向永恒？
cyz0116 发表于 2009-5-6 10:12

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我觉得JOE的意思可能是不离婚的比例这么高，（因为他害怕婚姻）可能他离不了婚吧。

Tara2009

8# 朝阳
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2 H. a6 C" E* S3 a/ E  s我觉得他的意思是离婚率太高了。

billzhao

同意朝阳的意见。原来没有认真看，觉着就是离婚率太高了。但是这样就没有什么幽默了，好玩的对方可能是为了迎合一些不爱结婚的美国人。从一而终对一些年轻人是来讲，不一定是梦想，却有可能是噩梦

Tara2009

表情僵硬。看第一遍没觉的，越看越觉的离专业演员差好大一截。

陕西闺女

东瞅瞅,西侃侃.