 鲜花( 3)  鸡蛋( 0)
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 POSITION:9 i' [- v' t {9 c
Mom, Mommy, Mama, Ma
% Y1 f- J1 h) ]' m4 yDad, Daddy, Dada, Papa, Pa
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JOB DESCRIPTION:3 A( v0 F t$ N
Long term, team players needed for challenging,6 C5 j2 \( J( }: g- Q& l
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permanent work in an often chaotic environment.
" I2 ^5 O* y+ dCandidates must possess excellent communication
' A# O) }* Z( o$ dand organizational skills and be willing to work
9 k o5 ~0 G4 a, n, qvariable hours, which will include evenings and weekends
5 q" N8 h& l1 H) n* land frequent 24 hour shifts on call.
3 o( ^6 R9 a: U* g8 [Some overnight travel required, including trips to O3 r" o$ A7 `4 |, c* f d
primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and 1 w5 u, V+ V$ H$ h: F
endless sports tournaments in far away cities! . ]3 M' Y( F+ i) b$ @* t
Travel expenses not reimbursed. 4 k% U2 E1 L3 x) }
Extensive courier duties also required.
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( x, Z s$ O8 [/ DRESPONSIBILITIES:
6 E, E& p& q# t* LThe rest of your life. 1 {! a4 j d1 H( }+ }4 Q _6 S
Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily, 5 V& l. V- E+ y7 K
until someone needs $5. $ S+ |. c" s) I% @; n! |7 Y
Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly.
7 O0 l8 \6 F7 p; r0 v5 |Also, must possess the physical stamina of a pack mule 7 z& v1 \ G) r8 r* n4 a
and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat
2 ^3 y* v: Y9 V9 r$ S( Zin case, this time, the screams from ; B% u( E+ ~6 C) d* t/ B
the backyard are not someone just crying wolf.
( K2 U+ u. C$ {5 Z, K4 uMust be willing to face stimulating technical challenges,
$ H3 d0 J1 {4 \/ J0 ?* J/ Tsuch as small gadget repair, mysterious ugly sluggish toilets }, m7 n* [& O' G1 ~6 f
and stuck zippers.
/ ]7 N" I5 _+ y6 J1 NMust screen phone calls, maintain calendars and
6 u* g7 o3 ]% H7 u) {. Fcoordinate production of multiple homework projects. 0 J% Z3 q6 Z: @6 b# x
Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings for clients of all ages and mental outlooks. * ?; ~2 a8 g# p( D! A( N$ v9 S1 h" Y, u
Must be a willing to be indispensable one minute,
( x; D% K3 W0 f/ X+ N5 f3 Tan embarrassment the next. % x9 x! m& \ E, C
Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a ' X7 B+ \7 B/ b' |# t, e1 a5 v+ |
half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices. * M. P y* O2 B! q6 p) u9 W
Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst.
# k0 L+ }9 U6 F! U: D& GMust assume final, complete accountability for
, M5 c5 ^* W) k* @, K7 \the quality of the end product. * O2 l. V2 j2 o2 W
Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and ) T0 L' \8 o: o3 s* G
janitorial work throughout the facility. , I! k; E0 j3 b1 k$ \) w/ f
/ |; ?! x% W7 }6 s$ |/ K8 f; v/ nPOSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION:
: s# C& C9 y% S4 D' iNone.
+ |' {8 N( c: j8 @- e7 W! K& aYour job is to remain in the same position for years,
: T1 H+ x n2 f& m$ Iwithout complaining,constantly retraining and
$ ^6 w& J" N, N# J' Zupdating your skills, so that those in your charge ! Q* C0 l! r# D, v
can ultimately surpass you.; f& y( u0 G3 v% m/ ^1 i8 E% G
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$ g: d# ~3 i% V4 q1 u( o" FPREVIOUS EXPERIENCE:
, x5 Z/ J5 `1 @4 a9 H+ [. N, w4 mNone required, unfortunately. ( h) m* X2 z3 d* {/ N, `5 T. s
On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.
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9 q, L# E( i" q8 i9 ~5 KWAGES AND COMPENSATION: 7 M0 t: N1 N5 N
Get this! You pay them!
5 h7 v. Z \4 p5 c9 o& s! N: K- AOffering frequent raises and bonuses.
+ f: O6 }; n6 Q! z" _& V' Za balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because 2 P1 t6 N9 W0 |4 v, q' v& ^! a6 H
of the assumption that college will help them
& g: M2 O, T/ v! ~( l, e* ^4 pbecome financially independent.
5 ~0 v* B4 J$ h0 [! T* M7 _When you die, you give them whatever is left. 3 L; ~8 B5 m o0 T. B5 s2 I+ \
The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that
* M9 D7 e6 k. Dyou actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more. 6 L0 K) d; \) X: x6 i2 p \: P: ]* y
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BENEFITS:
% _* w* n1 y+ Q; u9 IWhile no health or dental insu! rance, no pension, , f2 W# ^. x# m! \+ N: G! G
no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and
; H! k1 z# `# ~+ d7 o$ Pno stock options are offered,
4 |0 g5 j" i# Fthis job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth, 6 J3 y z2 M! w$ _4 l! W2 V m& c
z. e8 |( g2 tunconditional love, and free hugs and kisses / N% z, ]) l/ ^ C7 e9 L- ]1 O
+ M5 W1 Y2 p- R0 Q( Vfor life if you play your cards right.2 N9 p, N$ c1 X1 B: o
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** AND A FOOTNOTE: THERE IS NO RETIREMENT -- EVER!!! **
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' O- f( W3 D& M- }Forward this on to all the PARENTS you know, in appreciation for everything they do on a daily basis, ' e e7 G) `( H: b3 y
letting them know they are appreciated & r8 x2 B: _3 @
for the fabulous job they do...
& L- E- }3 X# [2 l& b4 ~4 qor forward with love
7 i0 e, v3 z8 ?* jto anyone thinking of applying for the job.
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