Crazy English! Zt

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Crazy English!

We'll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes; But the plural of ox became oxen not oxes.

One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese, Yet the plural of moose should never be meese.
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You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice; Yet the plural of house is houses, not hice.

  z  q! g3 I, p: q7 |9 O& XIf the plural of man is always called men, Why shouldn't the plural of pan be called pen?
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& ?7 s2 e9 B/ M, D, a; v5 yIf I spoke of my foot and show you my feet, And I give you a boot, would a pair be a beet?
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2 K* |# C% n  g2 ~- AIf one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth, Why shouldn't the plural of booths be called beet?
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Then one may be that, and three would be those, Yet hat in the plural would never be hose, and the plural of cat is cats, not cose.
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& W' ~8 v' o5 @5 I- z- oWe speak of a brother and also of brethren, But though we say mother, we never say methren.

3 c/ d! m& P$ O2 ~8 |. q8 q4 }( LThen the masculine pronouns are he, his and him, But imagine the feminine, she, shis and shim.
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6 s1 f# v! z  {2 wLet's face it, English is a crazy language!

There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in a hamburger; Neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England.
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And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, Grocers done groce and hammers don't hamm?

0 U7 w) p$ ]$ N; J8 a! @# VDoesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends, but not one amend?

If you have a bunch of odds & ends, And get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?
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If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught?
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If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?

In what other language do people recite at a play and play at a recital?

5 l' j" W4 W$ pShip by truck and send cargo by ship?

' _* q  X* s$ s! Q1 J* u; ~6 pHave noses that run and feet that smell?

How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?

, ~% U# z3 v9 L& uYou have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your
House burns down; in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which an alarm goes off by going on!

Sometimes, I think all the folks who grew up speaking English Should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane