Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:

CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
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BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

8 h# C6 Y, }" M6 j  ^% _5 A# WVALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
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2 _* k8 X7 j- x6 ?" U& J$ y1 g- bP/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
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BROKER -- What my broker has made me.
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7 C! y/ U3 O! ?9 p: f" {  OSTANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

4 J3 w$ a6 P9 e# N6 w% Z: A+ e  x1 h) xSTOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
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, g% S8 v( m6 {5 S! eFINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
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MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
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YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
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WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

* E9 w6 Q# g- X# P' q( T, yINSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
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7 y# Z5 ~  B) t0 O8 [PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.

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0 q7 L" \; p3 l+ m; nIf you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
' P) t$ ~5 s6 }# i( ]With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
- x. `/ Z. S8 q9 s3 BWith AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
3 l9 S9 R. w8 {  z! X. _( MBased on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

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What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
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                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.

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$ \9 P' T) @' \Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
     
0 F1 \/ }8 G$ N2 V- m# ^5 a                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵