Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:

/ x% h- z, l5 E- N% t% |! UCEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

( D1 S6 J* k* s' z3 cBULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
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. i! w; P! d7 L' `5 g# [VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

- _6 _' i8 s* h( v- }- l( yP/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

" w" d/ \, l& Y+ _- }  ?& o$ IBROKER -- What my broker has made me.
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0 u8 l! X+ t: a; ]8 F, g+ RSTANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
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: C3 x9 h0 O+ D: v% Y! K! o2 I8 p5 ^STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

& j' G: M- I* c; S: L; cFINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

4 Y5 S& d! `: a3 H+ s8 t3 DMARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
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YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

( n, n& i0 Q$ J/ Z+ z# vINSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
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PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
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If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
& U0 y7 h+ j+ Z2 l- U, W! v, ]* FWith Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
2 T* T" H, r# `5 M( t% HWith AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
3 b8 W/ q9 L; i7 E  RBut, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

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& f% B. ~: a2 ^1 V1 AWhat is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
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! [& e5 o! B7 B5 O# A- F                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.

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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
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( e8 s$ G6 }" L                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵