Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:

CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
; u' R3 t, G9 V) o9 O# LCFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
- D6 B3 ~" t4 t: u  \* TBEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
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VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

# p& Z3 e; d+ Q% J6 o7 ~2 l" BP/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

BROKER -- What my broker has made me.

; D3 h& L0 ?; W8 G7 O- Q  mSTANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
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STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
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9 u5 @  N8 j9 g8 G* z/ A' _5 @# AFINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

" e, P( C0 j" G9 ^" H. C& ~MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
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CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
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) V8 x9 T+ Z: W5 @; `% E& g" R1 _* |YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

5 n8 U, N! C9 |6 q1 ^7 K9 J0 ^WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

* G: l1 L' b( hPROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.

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& ^, v8 m5 {8 H  f- m8 \5 m  t7 HIf you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
9 f* F) W. }0 r% _& `& mWith AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
; D* U4 _( G4 _8 f2 v# `  e  u* JBut, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
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% ~9 F- |3 n4 {& s+ AWhat is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?

                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.

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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
     
                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵