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CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
9 P9 Y5 B. h7 E+ ~7 ~9 s, qCFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
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BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius. + c% a8 i7 x/ k" u: L# F
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex. ' ~. o2 k$ }6 H3 z3 K( u
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VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
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& S- o7 M$ ?. i7 ZP/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
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2 _& `& f% \, |+ gBROKER -- What my broker has made me.
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/ y1 \0 u0 b) l% aSTANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell. # ~' y" E/ B" F4 _
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STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
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STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves. ; H# o4 p& H. l6 N
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FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected. ; s- w4 w% \% W, R0 }% S! h
# I, q3 Y9 A9 O" w0 t& dMARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks. ! B" R$ F: }3 A! w% ?* u. F9 F* W
- F$ O! C0 n. Q, J5 sCASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet. 8 i" {6 u% s* T' c, U
# r; n& q6 N+ R/ u7 ^7 ~YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share. * r+ ]0 ~ G! ?* m+ A2 r! o
% d0 n" l5 X8 X' f0 LWINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.3 X. J3 X. \: X' F
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INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse. ; H! U7 a3 k+ u7 g% ^0 Q
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PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
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" X3 ~2 l1 l2 Z r1 KIf you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.& |4 E1 d1 k8 J5 Z- d/ e
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
6 M5 w* y# m6 v cWith AIG, you would have less than $15 left.( v5 J9 `, [( y/ u) y& P! ?7 B
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash. , y: q9 V+ _5 k0 z' J% U) Q2 P
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.$ o2 x9 r% s6 A! f: T
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9 ?5 G% Z! I+ a1 B8 k) xWhat is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
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( D$ y0 ^8 D0 E# \0 Y A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
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( @8 t* u5 A u7 Y+ b: FPoliticians and diapers have one thing in common... . z% P' M8 E' Q9 ]; l
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...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason. |
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狗仔卡
发表于 2008-11-22 15:26
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