Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:
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2 W- z( r* {. W' M+ i4 DCEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
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0 S+ Q8 Y! x! p/ K2 `% lBULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
& z& \8 m# @; _8 g$ Y9 L- xBEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

& z, r5 a. _: ]- r; k! UVALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

& l- F/ Y  ?$ D0 i! C' x: QP/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
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BROKER -- What my broker has made me.
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STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
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5 b5 ~$ |2 W0 n$ vSTOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
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3 k& U! _$ [/ ^. L( v+ K2 K  Z6 ]STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
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/ @- E8 X4 t' YFINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
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MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
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5 L4 u% z! e& ?0 ^CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
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YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
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/ F# d  e7 u: \( n1 MWINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
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2 J! O) N1 R% \# s4 IINSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
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) {2 y6 q2 l6 j$ U+ a% ]/ cPROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
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If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
& K: n: X% i6 z3 ZWith Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
# I0 J; q8 q* l  s+ sBut, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
; {/ n2 g- J& S& PBased on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
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What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
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                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.

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' T2 A% B) b# Z! Q7 b% CPoliticians and diapers have one thing in common...   
     
                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵