Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:
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CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
9 P4 C  F" @2 H0 I; @CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

/ L( U/ ]  a8 f* tBULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
8 N) n# {% V5 }7 ~+ ?+ u0 c, qBEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
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VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
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8 W7 y0 K. }/ X* j% }# G' }P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

7 E" L6 K9 O" j2 aBROKER -- What my broker has made me.

STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
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STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
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, H( q/ O4 B7 Q2 c# h6 {: lFINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
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MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
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6 J* R0 L7 \  sCASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

/ D, e/ J7 \/ w# T9 eYAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
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WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
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If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
5 M; _3 ~* R/ G  v2 kWith Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
2 H7 K9 Q. H% S4 X" z! VBut, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
0 e: D* w0 ^  w6 ~/ o5 \- w- rBased on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

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What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
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                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
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& Z& d7 z( D0 [& M0 ?5 mPoliticians and diapers have one thing in common...   
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) i0 ~- `- t4 e1 L/ Y. F8 `! g                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵