办公室新政策（ZT搞笑））

又见炊烟

Dress Code:
1.        You are advised to come to work dressed according to your salary.   
3 {# N% c4 N% y& h: D+ s2.        If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we will assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise.
  K; g1 q' M+ d3.        If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise.
4.        If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.
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. U& ^' S4 _8 Z9 NSick Days:
( _2 \! r9 A3 N+ jWe will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

Personal Days:
1 t3 x6 P- A3 D7 gEach employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturdays & Sundays.

Bereavement Leave:
1.        This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers.   
2.        Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend the funeral arrangements.   
3.        In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late af ternoon.   
; F' G. t0 [7 O: I4.        We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.

Bathroom Breaks:
1.        Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls.   
) W0 w  R" y5 A& r3 z2.        At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken.   
3.        After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders" category.   
) y1 q# L5 Z& z( M, b9 x) ?4.        Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the company's mental health policy.
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Lunch Break:
0 V) v$ }% \  T; I' o' V" s1.        Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy.
7 ]" H6 F7 r" U' ]1 p2.        Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.
3.        Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.

, I5 Q# G, I& zThank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplation s, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.

& N' z$ T  |( f2 x3 @1 o9 Q! ?The Management

) A7 `) ]% F6 Y# `! d! S$ {Pass this on to all who are employed.

Eunice.kk

喜玛拉雅

眼镜腿

Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the company's mental health policy.

celina

not very understand.