Just For A Laugh : LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON

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LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON
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, @7 ]% U" `9 W, Z* A> > > >A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence
> > > >and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on
4 o0 K; B3 p# v> > > >little TONY.
# y$ p, i" N% }> > > >He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."
> > > >The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your
( I8 \) N( z1 D5 V9 T  w>thinking."
> > > >Then little TONY says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women
6 J1 R( c  _! X> > > >sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the
! V% c( s9 z2 M: u> > > >sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the
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9 H$ ?1 U- w( w5 h1 I> > > >top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice
>cream.
8 J& |, ~" D& o4 G6 j% ]> > > >Which one is married?"
8 Q" O' v* I& h. r) p. r% Z> > > >The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the
- e4 O$ b& {1 A5 b" Z7 x4 a& t> > > >one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
8 e% U9 n! [  r2 \+ E" @2 a> > > >To which Little TONY replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with
> > > >the wedding ring on', but I like your thinking."
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON MATH
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9 P+ y  R2 ~, L. |> > > >Little TONY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
% W9 Y4 i6 H% U> > > >"Why?" asks the father.
> > > >"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3', I said '6'," replies TONY.
+ e5 L. O" F; X  S; R# S$ Z( r& K> > > >"But that's right!" says his dad.
9 d. O$ r7 E7 t> > > >"Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?' "
> > > >"What's the 法克ing difference?" asks the father.
- ~5 Q- a& r' P* e! v) H# C& g> > > >"That's what I said!"
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON ENGLISH
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: {, B5 w! N* r$ ~5 X$ [# E> > > >Little TONY goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are
> > > >going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an
> > > >example of a multi-syllable word?"
; J  D8 a' l1 Q5 t3 _+ |% C> > > >TONY says "Masturbate."
> > > >Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little TONY, that's a mouthful."
> > > >Little TONY says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
> > > >
> > > >Little TONY was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed
> > > >to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a
* u8 B& O$ C: [> > > >piss!!"
> > > >The teacher replied, "Now, TONY, that is NOT the proper word to use
& F0 w% T! }; u6 h. t1 i( h> > > >in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate'.
> > > >Please use the word 'urinate' in a sentence correctly, and I will
9 j) X7 ]- u9 L> > > >allow
> > > >you to go."
> > > >Little TONY, thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an eight, but
> > > >if you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!"
> > > >
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
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0 y. G" ]# D0 e8 t0 D. u> > > >One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a
> > > >show of hands from those who could use the! Word "beautiful" in the
> > > >same sentence twice.
> > > >First, she called on little Suzy, who responded with, "My father
> > > >bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."
& O) I0 s% E# c; U" X: w* W- f+ A) m> > > >"Very good, Suzy," replied the teacher. She then called on little
> > > >Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out
3 q5 U9 x1 m' _) C2 b> > > >beautifully."
> > > >She said, "Excellent, Michael!" Then the teacher reluctantly
7 y; j4 l; S5 x> > > >called on little TONY.
. k! G( Q3 C* d7 v> > > >"Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she
> > > >was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just 法克ing beautiful!"
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GETTING OLDER
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- I$ `' [8 L- M. V> > > >Little TONY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar
# z, }9 k! B( A9 w> > > >after another. After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him
> > > >said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It
> > > >will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."
7 h/ T3 \2 l- K) R$ c9 f& n% ?> > > >Little TONY replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."
> > > >The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"
+ S2 f9 X% y! N* A3 A% t& V: h, B> > > >Little TONY answered, "No, he minded his own 法克ing business