Just For A Laugh : LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON

sweetspot

LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON
> > > >
> > > >A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence
3 p2 i  d' F' G$ W8 R> > > >and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on
2 B* W) S" P2 u> > > >little TONY.
$ {  p. ^. C+ s0 |( ]8 g> > > >He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."
; O; E! Y) V4 n/ p  C  e> > > >The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your
, S" X9 k+ E5 v4 s9 b>thinking."
> > > >Then little TONY says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women
> > > >sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the
> > > >sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the
>
6 E  a" U7 _. D7 P$ l6 {> > > >top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice
! Z, T) {4 b& f! t: Q. x>cream.
. R& L; i$ V' a. H> > > >Which one is married?"
> > > >The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the
> > > >one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
, z% r, Q' ?" D' }% c3 L8 @4 R> > > >To which Little TONY replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with
> > > >the wedding ring on', but I like your thinking."
> > > >
> > > >
% r4 D. t7 W. X2 z7 \> > > >
> > > >LITTLE TONY ON MATH
& G9 B( _: J  ^  {2 k> > > >
> > > >Little TONY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
> > > >"Why?" asks the father.
> > > >"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3', I said '6'," replies TONY.
! ~# P0 h- M+ S> > > >"But that's right!" says his dad.
. R, E& D; P/ e) \/ L9 j> > > >"Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?' "
; W( n. o1 I* d4 f& {> > > >"What's the 法克ing difference?" asks the father.
> > > >"That's what I said!"
0 l, ^( ~; b6 g! E' [  L9 ^. m2 [> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
3 F2 k$ S0 R$ i> > > >LITTLE TONY ON ENGLISH
4 H# a9 a  D7 K/ u- h* j> > > >
- i4 m# `- w, m6 C; a; _> > > >Little TONY goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are
* f0 o: v! {9 F' v> > > >going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an
# T3 D9 A: x0 a: V4 U> > > >example of a multi-syllable word?"
/ q/ D+ }" T5 p- X% F" l/ @> > > >TONY says "Masturbate."
% D6 w" K7 N; }) L/ p: g> > > >Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little TONY, that's a mouthful."
> > > >Little TONY says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."
> > > >
& D# ]7 d# U5 r, k" S> > > >
> > > >
; C' L/ N7 d2 N& x2 x0 x> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
> > > >
> > > >Little TONY was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed
> > > >to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a
. s8 |  \' x/ C- ^5 q2 T  X. Z6 y> > > >piss!!"
> > > >The teacher replied, "Now, TONY, that is NOT the proper word to use
; F" c4 f" T& U: {9 p> > > >in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate'.
> > > >Please use the word 'urinate' in a sentence correctly, and I will
, l  q2 s" o0 n0 Y> > > >allow
> > > >you to go."
! a% c6 E; j2 ^5 r! k> > > >Little TONY, thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an eight, but
& F( v& g  V9 B" f5 F* _> > > >if you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!"
> > > >
' F4 L* l* v5 n: t. M% w, X5 x. v> > > >
& }, l/ s! C: v4 ?! g0 _8 S6 Q> > > >
> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
7 K  _4 i) `- @' o  k$ a> > > >
> > > >One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a
> > > >show of hands from those who could use the! Word "beautiful" in the
/ _1 e% ?) j2 `* @8 T3 u# M$ w& L> > > >same sentence twice.
7 i9 K8 m/ `5 b# m> > > >First, she called on little Suzy, who responded with, "My father
> > > >bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."
> > > >"Very good, Suzy," replied the teacher. She then called on little
> > > >Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out
$ E6 i3 q: y3 [# H( L# W% i1 c> > > >beautifully."
8 X2 W8 Y" r7 Q0 L* ~> > > >She said, "Excellent, Michael!" Then the teacher reluctantly
> > > >called on little TONY.
> > > >"Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she
0 m( Z+ h7 Y8 K  \> > > >was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just 法克ing beautiful!"
> > > >
( o6 v& P- F6 H' ]0 t( j> > > >
' B1 _% T# ?) P5 B, j, R> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GETTING OLDER
> > > >
$ {1 F8 P. s- y6 u> > > >Little TONY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar
+ w1 [: q8 t2 ]- |> > > >after another. After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him
  k) F2 V9 k2 A$ ]> > > >said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It
> > > >will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."
> > > >Little TONY replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."
) r* T- j# E: N6 ?> > > >The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"
8 i% x9 R' N; v# a  @> > > >Little TONY answered, "No, he minded his own 法克ing business