Just For A Laugh : LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON

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LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON
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9 V% Q- _1 M8 h0 w, t# {5 d> > > >A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence
> > > >and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on
> > > >little TONY.
> > > >He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."
+ F, q, m- s  U; b4 `1 a* D> > > >The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your
6 W+ T/ O! o3 v8 W# S4 R>thinking."
> > > >Then little TONY says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women
8 D* X' Y5 R, n3 G% B& R; L0 e> > > >sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the
7 _0 S/ ?9 w8 \1 ^7 y0 U> > > >sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the
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> > > >top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice
>cream.
0 R8 y3 a; F' A2 j: `> > > >Which one is married?"
> > > >The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the
) L  l, O5 B5 _$ l8 f> > > >one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
4 L2 {+ \0 c. l0 R) P$ o' S# q4 V> > > >To which Little TONY replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with
. e8 M& }' S3 H/ K. k  W* l> > > >the wedding ring on', but I like your thinking."
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. v& E6 [- y- z8 b6 F' U  |> > > >LITTLE TONY ON MATH
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> > > >Little TONY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
. R9 W! I1 J6 H. Q' \& ~! D. m" P> > > >"Why?" asks the father.
) k* K; C  w- |& g- X' U7 m> > > >"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3', I said '6'," replies TONY.
> > > >"But that's right!" says his dad.
* Z, T* _, W3 h6 v2 K+ V' d> > > >"Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?' "
' L+ j. k5 b4 e) n; A6 m" m2 S( b> > > >"What's the 法克ing difference?" asks the father.
> > > >"That's what I said!"
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2 H6 v. K, a4 c- h, p5 E. y> > > >
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' Z5 P/ C. M- o2 n5 ^: y0 _7 Q> > > >LITTLE TONY ON ENGLISH
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1 |+ z( N4 d2 C3 @/ ?> > > >Little TONY goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are
> > > >going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an
9 _! a2 T: K3 U& ~  z+ g, R+ O$ D> > > >example of a multi-syllable word?"
' @% u0 i9 M4 O1 x> > > >TONY says "Masturbate."
# {- t0 K# S: w$ f& I> > > >Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little TONY, that's a mouthful."
5 P" G- c8 I/ t> > > >Little TONY says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
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> > > >Little TONY was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed
3 [5 S: ~- s; c+ x7 z> > > >to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a
6 T; x& e( e: `) x7 c* U% b5 G> > > >piss!!"
> > > >The teacher replied, "Now, TONY, that is NOT the proper word to use
$ W. z2 F0 h  i. U. R> > > >in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate'.
> > > >Please use the word 'urinate' in a sentence correctly, and I will
$ X8 `% _1 o3 E6 @  T! ~> > > >allow
> > > >you to go."
> > > >Little TONY, thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an eight, but
, \+ [. x/ [% {, Y( J' {, P> > > >if you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!"
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$ E8 f6 ?/ d# _6 `$ D1 ?8 u7 v9 \9 @> > > >
4 O9 X. M  O) ~- m8 P; I> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
5 f0 ~+ {6 w, G! X8 o# z0 ~> > > >
> > > >One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a
> > > >show of hands from those who could use the! Word "beautiful" in the
7 c7 }% x( R3 Z> > > >same sentence twice.
> > > >First, she called on little Suzy, who responded with, "My father
4 A* J3 ?* z7 g$ G9 T$ v' |3 t> > > >bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."
. }- \- U1 x- w1 z6 @& \2 Q> > > >"Very good, Suzy," replied the teacher. She then called on little
> > > >Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out
$ m+ [0 n( R3 L2 i; }; T9 f> > > >beautifully."
& v! c; J1 _' N) J) W2 T! t> > > >She said, "Excellent, Michael!" Then the teacher reluctantly
> > > >called on little TONY.
> > > >"Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she
# N; @8 Q! u7 T8 P> > > >was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just 法克ing beautiful!"
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, X  R  e8 J! k3 m> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GETTING OLDER
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" f$ A- g% V* A( w7 O> > > >Little TONY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar
6 p: _) S* G7 _9 o2 D! a; f5 e: `> > > >after another. After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him
6 `; a8 B" @% s! X  I2 N> > > >said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It
> > > >will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."
2 U6 m: w! d2 s0 X% C0 q) _0 \> > > >Little TONY replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."
1 T/ L0 f  u9 `# p$ V> > > >The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"
> > > >Little TONY answered, "No, he minded his own 法克ing business