Just For A Laugh : LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON

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LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON
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> > > >A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence
> > > >and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on
$ U0 x6 L' y& }7 R1 ^# y# {! K> > > >little TONY.
3 u! Y6 _+ N4 n0 Q> > > >He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."
3 a, J" X. C! q3 l> > > >The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your
' f: [0 |6 L. I; L>thinking."
* \6 I- C+ z8 G& W* S/ m> > > >Then little TONY says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women
> > > >sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the
> > > >sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the
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> > > >top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice
( z) z  t$ A: @) x$ L/ C>cream.
> > > >Which one is married?"
& |) V+ y: R2 B> > > >The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the
> > > >one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
( m0 J" i% b* C: W9 X8 D> > > >To which Little TONY replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with
> > > >the wedding ring on', but I like your thinking."
> > > >
> > > >
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3 Z( j+ B6 p) }% f6 y5 E- r> > > >LITTLE TONY ON MATH
> > > >
> > > >Little TONY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
> > > >"Why?" asks the father.
; O( H" E& r- G2 [; }/ t> > > >"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3', I said '6'," replies TONY.
> > > >"But that's right!" says his dad.
; J5 Z& H2 I2 L4 w& l5 B> > > >"Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?' "
8 k4 }6 t) ]3 V) x" F0 ^> > > >"What's the 法克ing difference?" asks the father.
4 k$ I6 V) _$ F/ H> > > >"That's what I said!"
> > > >
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  y* @& W, f, W> > > >LITTLE TONY ON ENGLISH
> > > >
/ S- e+ t7 q2 A3 [' _: g9 K> > > >Little TONY goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are
> > > >going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an
> > > >example of a multi-syllable word?"
  R# [  S$ ^( X> > > >TONY says "Masturbate."
) C) d( i( S0 ]' g: g> > > >Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little TONY, that's a mouthful."
> > > >Little TONY says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."
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8 p% ~6 b# ?+ P6 w( ^> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
> > > >
7 N% b: c' O" C: k> > > >Little TONY was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed
> > > >to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a
> > > >piss!!"
" I+ L) ]: p6 K3 v5 y> > > >The teacher replied, "Now, TONY, that is NOT the proper word to use
> > > >in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate'.
* E6 [- H; j. l# c> > > >Please use the word 'urinate' in a sentence correctly, and I will
> > > >allow
> > > >you to go."
7 m1 h- k. X2 B$ @) @! S> > > >Little TONY, thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an eight, but
> > > >if you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!"
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> > > >
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1 S. B  K. `! s$ V> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
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> > > >One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a
1 p8 i) I4 x/ ?2 e4 z1 f& @> > > >show of hands from those who could use the! Word "beautiful" in the
> > > >same sentence twice.
> > > >First, she called on little Suzy, who responded with, "My father
> > > >bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."
> > > >"Very good, Suzy," replied the teacher. She then called on little
& R2 P+ u( e2 d1 D' D) r. x+ S> > > >Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out
0 k) [5 W, N- h  M5 u" ~! r9 W+ i> > > >beautifully."
> > > >She said, "Excellent, Michael!" Then the teacher reluctantly
> > > >called on little TONY.
> > > >"Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she
> > > >was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just 法克ing beautiful!"
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> > > >
> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GETTING OLDER
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0 U! M5 q* E8 \9 G- e> > > >Little TONY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar
> > > >after another. After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him
> > > >said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It
% @6 r, D1 t" q2 d3 U7 U! E> > > >will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."
, U3 b+ p* X" ~0 C& Q> > > >Little TONY replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."
> > > >The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"
> > > >Little TONY answered, "No, he minded his own 法克ing business