Just For A Laugh : LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON

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LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON
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$ n) C4 \4 ]; S; v4 D% K> > > >A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence
9 w, e9 x' k0 U$ S& H> > > >and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on
9 w  |, b; q6 O) W; I> > > >little TONY.
> > > >He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."
> > > >The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your
>thinking."
> > > >Then little TONY says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women
> > > >sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the
9 Z+ g) v0 V" y& ~( N9 E8 q' d> > > >sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the
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> > > >top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice
+ D; b. n9 o) s! r' X' H>cream.
, S1 u+ V' R5 Z( A> > > >Which one is married?"
1 p6 d/ w: N' Z- H0 F3 H1 m> > > >The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the
1 j  S$ R( e+ @6 X> > > >one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
> > > >To which Little TONY replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with
  z5 b) ^7 Y7 |- i9 J> > > >the wedding ring on', but I like your thinking."
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON MATH
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> > > >Little TONY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
> > > >"Why?" asks the father.
, X' q9 @- O* N3 K: a9 \> > > >"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3', I said '6'," replies TONY.
, Q9 B0 V. A& m" \+ S> > > >"But that's right!" says his dad.
> > > >"Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?' "
' m7 Y3 \( L( O8 w; q  j> > > >"What's the 法克ing difference?" asks the father.
+ ^7 I0 @" p5 c> > > >"That's what I said!"
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% `. w2 f  T# O> > > >LITTLE TONY ON ENGLISH
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> > > >Little TONY goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are
> > > >going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an
> > > >example of a multi-syllable word?"
> > > >TONY says "Masturbate."
) f% J( e- g7 W8 w  m( Q# n+ _3 B% b> > > >Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little TONY, that's a mouthful."
> > > >Little TONY says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."
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& V0 B* e9 W5 Q3 m7 T+ K" w> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
> > > >
> > > >Little TONY was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed
> > > >to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a
> > > >piss!!"
> > > >The teacher replied, "Now, TONY, that is NOT the proper word to use
> > > >in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate'.
> > > >Please use the word 'urinate' in a sentence correctly, and I will
# }$ u  f% g) H, L$ h# k9 X& c$ N> > > >allow
> > > >you to go."
/ H# L* f$ j% J: i# Z+ y> > > >Little TONY, thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an eight, but
9 _$ ]: Q" k* S( y5 y> > > >if you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!"
7 f; K4 i8 Z6 e- u> > > >
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> > > >
> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
> > > >
> > > >One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a
> > > >show of hands from those who could use the! Word "beautiful" in the
# j! Q  ~) c. f+ x* o" y> > > >same sentence twice.
- g! R" D0 t# l, g9 v; x  ]> > > >First, she called on little Suzy, who responded with, "My father
" K: j5 Y0 F7 Q1 \  h7 t( ^> > > >bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."
> > > >"Very good, Suzy," replied the teacher. She then called on little
6 a9 Y& \" J$ q0 e6 T' J> > > >Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out
. h8 Y3 D9 N( {! X> > > >beautifully."
) h7 |+ Z" J4 [* c/ B> > > >She said, "Excellent, Michael!" Then the teacher reluctantly
> > > >called on little TONY.
3 L% V9 ~& L/ Z$ l+ B/ B8 b> > > >"Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she
> > > >was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just 法克ing beautiful!"
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% p* P: _! e* H0 F: B9 l- Y> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GETTING OLDER
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6 w0 I: _1 t1 ^5 w2 H# k! u> > > >Little TONY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar
> > > >after another. After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him
1 J! w1 @1 V4 }% m& w0 j> > > >said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It
' e: m8 W6 s$ ?* K& F> > > >will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."
: d+ r+ h9 o4 V" F+ ]$ t' M/ z> > > >Little TONY replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."
% [% d& H0 S: |& X+ j* e4 w+ O9 k> > > >The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"
7 I5 [* _7 P- d, x" {9 `> > > >Little TONY answered, "No, he minded his own 法克ing business