Just For A Laugh : LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON

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LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON
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> > > >A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence
> > > >and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on
+ s, n8 n5 x$ ^  v6 x& i> > > >little TONY.
> > > >He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."
> > > >The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your
>thinking."
> > > >Then little TONY says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women
> > > >sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the
( @! V& m: @- W5 G. l" p" K> > > >sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the
>
> > > >top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice
3 c( L# g# t- o5 ?( W. b, ]8 ]) c8 @>cream.
> > > >Which one is married?"
' z. @+ o$ x( _5 x> > > >The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the
7 f' v& e6 \4 K# d# h3 O2 O* |, ^, z> > > >one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
> > > >To which Little TONY replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with
" f8 r0 R2 a8 I, x8 z# L5 j> > > >the wedding ring on', but I like your thinking."
> > > >
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON MATH
> > > >
> > > >Little TONY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
3 r, a4 E  m2 G0 x1 x7 j> > > >"Why?" asks the father.
8 p) U$ c( z: F! X9 p& R0 }> > > >"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3', I said '6'," replies TONY.
% C! h3 r8 l9 X$ s0 t> > > >"But that's right!" says his dad.
1 `, P; v1 ~- b' I% |7 w( H> > > >"Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?' "
/ n4 J! s( M  X; n3 O* e> > > >"What's the 法克ing difference?" asks the father.
' j5 D" R6 M/ o& q! ?5 w6 B> > > >"That's what I said!"
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> > > >
> > > >LITTLE TONY ON ENGLISH
> > > >
> > > >Little TONY goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are
" J5 O; v0 j) j/ T- u- B4 K> > > >going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an
. K, I9 U- N  H+ R2 D+ t2 `* ?/ q. p> > > >example of a multi-syllable word?"
) {, Z8 B$ O$ M+ F& l> > > >TONY says "Masturbate."
, u8 q6 o4 `" I( @' @> > > >Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little TONY, that's a mouthful."
( a! E0 A9 p  ~) k- ^$ _, N- T; j> > > >Little TONY says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."
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/ A% X" a" B- U7 `' w, G> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
> > > >
> > > >Little TONY was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed
. l" J# O& t$ ]: N> > > >to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a
. Y! x# ?0 E& s/ {> > > >piss!!"
> > > >The teacher replied, "Now, TONY, that is NOT the proper word to use
> > > >in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate'.
> > > >Please use the word 'urinate' in a sentence correctly, and I will
> > > >allow
> > > >you to go."
8 a9 p( [- d0 l3 u1 u4 \: M, }> > > >Little TONY, thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an eight, but
> > > >if you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!"
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
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/ @* m$ c; \5 n, {> > > >One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a
> > > >show of hands from those who could use the! Word "beautiful" in the
% C& K; t5 k( z3 ^/ g0 w5 v> > > >same sentence twice.
1 l1 y: p' B* h6 J0 f8 L7 I8 N> > > >First, she called on little Suzy, who responded with, "My father
> > > >bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."
  I5 r, C3 a/ ]/ G, {. S% \> > > >"Very good, Suzy," replied the teacher. She then called on little
> > > >Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out
> > > >beautifully."
% r3 K5 a) d# y/ G. I# m6 f3 R> > > >She said, "Excellent, Michael!" Then the teacher reluctantly
  v' k+ ~6 ]+ n> > > >called on little TONY.
* ~2 A' W( b8 T. @9 f> > > >"Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she
> > > >was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just 法克ing beautiful!"
> > > >
> > > >
; q, ~  S2 E3 f0 d> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GETTING OLDER
> > > >
> > > >Little TONY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar
> > > >after another. After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him
> > > >said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It
> > > >will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."
! I- V, p5 v0 O. }$ Z  _> > > >Little TONY replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."
> > > >The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"
> > > >Little TONY answered, "No, he minded his own 法克ing business