Just For A Laugh : LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON

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LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON
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> > > >A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence
2 k$ z' A8 B0 e, Z: O> > > >and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on
> > > >little TONY.
1 l+ T$ P' v: j3 t> > > >He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."
/ E$ v. g. w5 z& r# `> > > >The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your
>thinking."
' k: r/ k+ g  X7 }- }5 \+ ]> > > >Then little TONY says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women
, k2 i8 t! @! M% L- {> > > >sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the
> > > >sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the
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+ D+ ]7 q: r, u( q& c( |. e> > > >top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice
. x6 }: v( x+ X8 I$ f$ y* p>cream.
& g% S9 r# Z( h% J* [, Z% H> > > >Which one is married?"
" m2 K/ q1 r0 u> > > >The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the
; K! v8 w+ N3 @" T> > > >one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
> > > >To which Little TONY replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with
& `# n; y& \) j- [1 K  T1 {> > > >the wedding ring on', but I like your thinking."
> > > >
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> > > >
: }/ {, T  J  |# Q5 Z, H1 W> > > >LITTLE TONY ON MATH
> > > >
> > > >Little TONY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
> > > >"Why?" asks the father.
9 m; N2 W7 t5 k! R1 S> > > >"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3', I said '6'," replies TONY.
> > > >"But that's right!" says his dad.
> > > >"Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?' "
> > > >"What's the 法克ing difference?" asks the father.
! R' }& S8 a% O" C& y> > > >"That's what I said!"
> > > >
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> > > >
) g+ I' Q- L+ j5 p/ X> > > >LITTLE TONY ON ENGLISH
> > > >
> > > >Little TONY goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are
> > > >going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an
& n+ ?* U! Y3 z> > > >example of a multi-syllable word?"
9 |. ^# A$ Q2 y6 k> > > >TONY says "Masturbate."
$ k$ f3 w4 q. v> > > >Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little TONY, that's a mouthful."
> > > >Little TONY says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
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' F3 _3 F' t6 T/ Y& n1 L! G( v' |> > > >Little TONY was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed
: k' I& M. S" @9 i, \2 N' d> > > >to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a
% I! N  N9 a( p8 B0 s6 a> > > >piss!!"
; v- g( ^* z* ]: N4 L( R- s> > > >The teacher replied, "Now, TONY, that is NOT the proper word to use
> > > >in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate'.
> > > >Please use the word 'urinate' in a sentence correctly, and I will
- O1 F7 h( q" i8 g, L3 l3 G$ a  [- n> > > >allow
) w" }/ l. [! s> > > >you to go."
> > > >Little TONY, thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an eight, but
, c1 A8 I2 V, Y> > > >if you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!"
> > > >
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
> > > >
, S. f6 v/ \  T& Y5 C+ i/ ?$ E: I> > > >One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a
( ~0 U* Y- V- R7 y  t+ p$ ?& R5 A# Q> > > >show of hands from those who could use the! Word "beautiful" in the
0 z3 [1 p6 ~# V. l/ D: O$ h> > > >same sentence twice.
> > > >First, she called on little Suzy, who responded with, "My father
- G: i" w) j+ a1 ?> > > >bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."
* ~0 g- w5 q3 b1 [> > > >"Very good, Suzy," replied the teacher. She then called on little
> > > >Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out
> > > >beautifully."
> > > >She said, "Excellent, Michael!" Then the teacher reluctantly
> > > >called on little TONY.
> > > >"Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she
> > > >was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just 法克ing beautiful!"
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GETTING OLDER
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' G' F) X" s( U> > > >Little TONY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar
+ m' q9 p* z; D* n; ^4 K> > > >after another. After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him
> > > >said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It
1 t3 B8 F3 A* @* B3 }6 ^3 q> > > >will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."
1 d. f; a( E8 A4 j/ F> > > >Little TONY replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."
> > > >The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"
& ~2 E& j% L4 [5 @> > > >Little TONY answered, "No, he minded his own 法克ing business