Just For A Laugh : LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON

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LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON
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7 V$ F, s# U; U0 C> > > >A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence
> > > >and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on
> > > >little TONY.
& O4 m0 \1 z$ ?7 ~> > > >He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."
> > > >The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your
9 g: U0 o% \  W! @. M: h>thinking."
4 P3 }& O$ L6 j) a> > > >Then little TONY says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women
> > > >sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the
> > > >sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the
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" W6 O. ?5 E0 c5 D! L' F3 G! i> > > >top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice
" `; l2 U9 J8 G* i  M>cream.
> > > >Which one is married?"
5 j# i" `0 J& V) F> > > >The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the
> > > >one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
  g7 o$ ]$ @/ i  V: |> > > >To which Little TONY replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with
2 z5 h+ U& ^" c# L( H. y7 _  A> > > >the wedding ring on', but I like your thinking."
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON MATH
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> > > >Little TONY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
> > > >"Why?" asks the father.
> > > >"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3', I said '6'," replies TONY.
; D2 q, i" k4 }% o# @7 p6 M+ J/ c" ]. U> > > >"But that's right!" says his dad.
* E- q" a  M4 V> > > >"Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?' "
) Q( }) q* \: d9 T' B& G# M> > > >"What's the 法克ing difference?" asks the father.
> > > >"That's what I said!"
> > > >
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3 j3 O2 a! g- S  w1 n8 S6 Z> > > >LITTLE TONY ON ENGLISH
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> > > >Little TONY goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are
> > > >going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an
& l( F; }# H& d> > > >example of a multi-syllable word?"
6 A* \( u& V  q$ U! ^6 o> > > >TONY says "Masturbate."
+ ^, t5 U$ h2 v4 R! K: w> > > >Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little TONY, that's a mouthful."
> > > >Little TONY says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."
> > > >
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
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* q9 Z) N' u1 p! w1 r7 y> > > >Little TONY was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed
> > > >to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a
> > > >piss!!"
> > > >The teacher replied, "Now, TONY, that is NOT the proper word to use
  i2 z! W/ z. y2 O* M# S0 a- o+ S> > > >in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate'.
> > > >Please use the word 'urinate' in a sentence correctly, and I will
> > > >allow
2 B& f/ p$ ]2 n> > > >you to go."
& G% C1 m, `! R( `+ r$ J> > > >Little TONY, thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an eight, but
2 _% q) d" Q+ f) i1 A% }> > > >if you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!"
> > > >
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$ n8 G2 T  F# b' y. ^> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
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> > > >One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a
> > > >show of hands from those who could use the! Word "beautiful" in the
> > > >same sentence twice.
> > > >First, she called on little Suzy, who responded with, "My father
> > > >bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."
> > > >"Very good, Suzy," replied the teacher. She then called on little
" [" v; U- W8 {; |& j2 [& m> > > >Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out
> > > >beautifully."
8 u* ^4 @9 E) J! ~2 [> > > >She said, "Excellent, Michael!" Then the teacher reluctantly
> > > >called on little TONY.
7 v* E: \# A1 a" o> > > >"Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she
> > > >was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just 法克ing beautiful!"
> > > >
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+ F6 U$ A+ g4 O$ m$ w/ Q9 I- R> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GETTING OLDER
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' B' r- T3 e& \> > > >Little TONY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar
> > > >after another. After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him
7 L6 f: S6 I2 F0 v  P> > > >said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It
6 w9 o0 K: M% T. }& S/ f+ V> > > >will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."
> > > >Little TONY replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."
' Z$ p, r* ?( C> > > >The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"
> > > >Little TONY answered, "No, he minded his own 法克ing business