Just For A Laugh : LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON

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LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON
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% A; G: w$ r" g/ Y. F> > > >A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence
" y  m. C# |$ P* k3 A6 _, ?> > > >and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on
/ }' r, S1 h$ K> > > >little TONY.
> > > >He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."
> > > >The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your
>thinking."
( P3 o" Q! n5 {2 i; F* i> > > >Then little TONY says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women
> > > >sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the
; K* m8 b4 z" _( ~> > > >sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the
>
1 A/ V* s4 Z, t0 y* T2 V2 b4 n$ d> > > >top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice
$ {" j' F+ @, K>cream.
  y# l. j6 o9 j' Y& U% E> > > >Which one is married?"
> > > >The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the
> > > >one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
> > > >To which Little TONY replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with
5 |  z2 b. B3 O! X1 R" S> > > >the wedding ring on', but I like your thinking."
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON MATH
> > > >
> > > >Little TONY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
, ?* G: K/ }9 B; d8 Z  N8 g; \% G2 k> > > >"Why?" asks the father.
> > > >"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3', I said '6'," replies TONY.
8 b. N) u; T; y: E  t> > > >"But that's right!" says his dad.
( y+ d4 L* t# V8 i# e4 L" U& P> > > >"Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?' "
> > > >"What's the 法克ing difference?" asks the father.
, \. D8 v- F2 ~4 J; a> > > >"That's what I said!"
> > > >
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: V+ B  a6 M/ k" |" q  }' i> > > >LITTLE TONY ON ENGLISH
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> > > >Little TONY goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are
> > > >going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an
# B/ m5 b. A* F6 V> > > >example of a multi-syllable word?"
> > > >TONY says "Masturbate."
> > > >Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little TONY, that's a mouthful."
  T+ w7 F7 W" s8 ?8 {> > > >Little TONY says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."
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1 X) i- K" a% Z> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
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# r. S. H9 L2 b0 _6 _) J> > > >Little TONY was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed
* A# ]. j  l5 W& ]6 S> > > >to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a
> > > >piss!!"
! M3 d6 L: t$ m8 D2 T> > > >The teacher replied, "Now, TONY, that is NOT the proper word to use
> > > >in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate'.
> > > >Please use the word 'urinate' in a sentence correctly, and I will
> > > >allow
! f; l, K# n- g5 N> > > >you to go."
> > > >Little TONY, thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an eight, but
% P7 R4 a9 n2 y! A$ M; A> > > >if you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!"
> > > >
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! X. G5 W* r, d# u1 c> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
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) {" f/ Z, z% t3 B4 b; c> > > >One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a
% h' l9 ?( N/ |$ g6 Z> > > >show of hands from those who could use the! Word "beautiful" in the
( \! Y2 v: E# n/ a5 S> > > >same sentence twice.
> > > >First, she called on little Suzy, who responded with, "My father
" Q* T- m0 ~' s. L* ]/ F0 c> > > >bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."
* w% X5 W1 p% z, q+ D# |> > > >"Very good, Suzy," replied the teacher. She then called on little
> > > >Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out
> > > >beautifully."
7 E5 |. {& V+ K! z- E% s> > > >She said, "Excellent, Michael!" Then the teacher reluctantly
: ^9 s! |7 {8 b; |+ p> > > >called on little TONY.
; k2 k4 k2 Z& a& _: l> > > >"Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she
> > > >was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just 法克ing beautiful!"
> > > >
> > > >
/ {* Z7 x6 o' q5 L> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GETTING OLDER
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  F1 @9 O4 }& @/ A+ R9 z' X- b> > > >Little TONY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar
> > > >after another. After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him
> > > >said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It
( b$ e& `* g9 x) a  e4 d" [> > > >will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."
> > > >Little TONY replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."
> > > >The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"
" H, J( O# j) u  s, ?: k> > > >Little TONY answered, "No, he minded his own 法克ing business