请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

alberta2007

I just wrote a poem
Besides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
* J5 q& l5 B4 m( ?However,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
Thanks a lot!!!





5 a0 ]: B* c4 x
4 o' i- S- d, D$ N9 l, [  ]
6 d0 f$ @% _. g' LFormerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
0 u- P4 N6 a; o4 I& Q              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
* M) X# h; M9 f              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
! N# E1 O- ]5 g4 W              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
* v5 a* J8 K+ AHowever, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
' o1 n/ ^* `% X& o* H. [2 s) e             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
+ J4 C2 _- M- V2 z# D: e8 Y! @             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
             somehow I lost myself inside again
Now,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
Finally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
' ^9 `" j8 x0 Z3 n! A8 n* L& nBasically, I almost finish this poem
               I am 一个人de精彩
, g$ Q1 x9 t/ N' {" @0 G0 n0 }               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
But........         
Ironically? Isn't it?

yoyoke2004

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”

卖糕的，写外国诗就得忘中国字吗？
7 S( t1 ?9 l4 K4 y

Justing

Somehow I'd fall in love with you
  d  Z7 f; o4 ?+ v* d$ NSomehow I'd find something wrong with us
6 ?* q& R$ F3 r1 \Somehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
Somehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
: |5 L5 S( k( ~5 ?( m$ Q  nSomehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
Somehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness

7 y; A2 }& L- J* x% n. j9 C* CSomehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
6 f+ f1 I4 u) c( [Somehow I realized you were still in my heart
* ]6 e. g% p& g4 K& a( ?: u7 Y% ?Somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
% a3 U( y$ f5 ~' xSomehow I lost myself inside it again
* O+ ~- t- p5 z; V
Somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
. W9 ?; h6 _5 Q0 U. DSomehow I discern that I am still in love with you
Somehow I am the only brilliance of myself
Somehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance

lington

However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
3 X" I" W! l) V# Q================================================
6 ^4 Q% i0 s3 p  F* [. YHowever, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday

& P" W: E+ Q" T7 y% c+ T) Vsomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
9 C5 p3 K8 y4 p2 F* I9 X=====================================================================
9 Q. u% ~% |+ t+ Y* T) P5 Rsomehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...

alberta2007

我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

Justing

原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

8 ~- Y3 [/ w. g8 d9 ]哦，这样啊，那就改回去吧，我以为是虚拟语气呢。

三思

劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲，这是什么体啊？