请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

alberta2007

I just wrote a poem
5 q/ e# [2 |  e, HBesides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
! V6 G4 w- R  f$ v% k% o+ UHowever,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
Thanks a lot!!!
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3 ~$ T$ L: v8 G" P) s5 k* bFormerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
0 E4 I2 p3 W; Z9 T" U" R              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
& Y# i  o0 L8 n2 c/ Y. K" l; e              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
6 S! t0 R" g2 }" u% j              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
7 B4 }" b& p& N4 w: yHowever, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
9 I  Q5 y7 j. W; g$ @9 j, i             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
             somehow I lost myself inside again
  e& q( I/ I3 R$ C9 ]+ hNow,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
- T* Z/ R8 \5 e" n; F. {Finally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
Basically, I almost finish this poem
4 Y5 ~5 w8 b5 U+ `# K2 K7 X               I am 一个人de精彩
               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
' e! p; h, ]- ?' `0 T3 V! p2 GBut........         
- j0 N6 Z7 t# P7 G: }# ^( pIronically? Isn't it?

yoyoke2004

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”
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卖糕的，写外国诗就得忘中国字吗？

Justing

Somehow I'd fall in love with you
Somehow I'd find something wrong with us
6 ~/ \  j! w1 x' g  J4 f) kSomehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
8 `3 [' C/ I& d* g2 }Somehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
Somehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
Somehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness
9 l8 L+ O% _, Z& r' q+ y
Somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
: g6 n6 g9 ?* Z! D4 c# k( E( o/ d8 t+ XSomehow I realized you were still in my heart
% w7 G& m& u2 R) }2 N; aSomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
Somehow I lost myself inside it again
- t6 |9 \# J( C1 `6 l- W. g8 P
, I: G* s. }" w1 ESomehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
Somehow I discern that I am still in love with you
" q: ~5 [0 V, C# u. Y% h8 N) TSomehow I am the only brilliance of myself
9 Q- f! \+ W1 Z7 w, ]8 ZSomehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance

lington

However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
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However, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday

: p1 s3 M0 _0 ]6 d; Tsomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
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somehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...

alberta2007

我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

Justing

原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
4 D7 j- E1 X2 \我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

7 i0 B# s/ {! j* w3 X) i% F哦，这样啊，那就改回去吧，我以为是虚拟语气呢。

三思

劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲，这是什么体啊？