请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

alberta2007

I just wrote a poem
' M, ]: Z9 D/ V# W1 xBesides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
6 @! q9 t+ R( P# JHowever,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
7 c8 `/ U3 q. F" |% x5 X4 KThanks a lot!!!
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Formerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
9 q% \5 c$ u' ?2 ~2 D: _% Y& I              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
2 f# X" z2 g  I  I- [1 P              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
) A1 \% D1 C! j! E' S2 l              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
( C; q0 W6 v5 P0 C, q2 B; k! F$ aHowever, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
' U$ }& @# l: c+ b             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
+ v( N- N4 K( I( ^2 p             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
             somehow I lost myself inside again
Now,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
0 D  v% E9 n+ [5 U+ f" iFinally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
Basically, I almost finish this poem
               I am 一个人de精彩
+ N. B8 j( h& ^" ]" W               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
9 o' }! Y8 y# Z* h/ CBut........         
! |" ]7 ~" M6 q$ {. qIronically? Isn't it?

yoyoke2004

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”
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* v0 B% `0 O! d/ B卖糕的，写外国诗就得忘中国字吗？
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Justing

Somehow I'd fall in love with you
5 r! @* R! W4 i3 _6 j9 H7 r$ OSomehow I'd find something wrong with us
Somehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
Somehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
/ g; P! C# ^2 A* d6 [) CSomehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
% n! Y: a% m0 L& y) w& ISomehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness
/ m; n3 i: ~/ C" M1 M0 x
* T0 s7 E) ?6 L4 t9 P: ZSomehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
Somehow I realized you were still in my heart
Somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
2 l1 h: j9 q) j: f$ B4 D9 SSomehow I lost myself inside it again
" t& E# ^1 ^5 w  n; ~: b" }
% ?  L+ N" s+ ?% X# H- b; oSomehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
7 t' |/ M1 f* T( a8 C; w3 l7 {Somehow I discern that I am still in love with you
* T$ d" l( I+ G9 o" ^8 MSomehow I am the only brilliance of myself
Somehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance

lington

However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
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However, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday
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2 w  z4 j+ v# ^; y. K5 V) R+ q! msomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
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4 [* @5 _9 a" ~# F! K1 A  Wsomehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...

alberta2007

我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

Justing

原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

, r) |7 Q  ~% K! r哦，这样啊，那就改回去吧，我以为是虚拟语气呢。

三思

劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲，这是什么体啊？