请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

alberta2007

I just wrote a poem
# B; Z$ t% c) h& ], O: wBesides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
However,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
Thanks a lot!!!
3 @! V8 k; p; i


" i; E& {. l: F0 C

$ {, O( n. W; U# y( G* c+ @1 i

Formerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
4 N( d1 H7 ]3 |6 \              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
5 ^6 t0 K, k0 n7 g" ?              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
! z% z- j; W2 N: ]- |              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
( e% t0 ]- L4 k7 u+ |# R, A3 b1 r              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
6 ~) w3 ^' O# T# O6 v1 N             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
             somehow I lost myself inside again
Now,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
! H# M& s# E% O7 W1 X, o             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
! V8 x. T4 j- J* ?' mFinally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
Basically, I almost finish this poem
               I am 一个人de精彩
               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
3 ~% |1 E  @! W" }# f  @But........         
! {% N( n) o! s. N% X1 z  VIronically? Isn't it?

yoyoke2004

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”
! [3 \$ q& @  b. F+ g0 R
3 @/ a$ d) }) G) F/ r. f卖糕的，写外国诗就得忘中国字吗？

Justing

Somehow I'd fall in love with you
0 Q7 s4 [- X8 |3 G& f! Z. ?8 cSomehow I'd find something wrong with us
" p% R4 w# B1 D$ O! hSomehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
  ]1 E9 @, A0 uSomehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
9 G, m7 R% O- S4 |4 l' u8 PSomehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
2 W) e; w6 P( [9 o4 k$ \0 y2 M- FSomehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness

Somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
Somehow I realized you were still in my heart
Somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
3 f" m+ S# s0 l* T$ |  k. vSomehow I lost myself inside it again
" u3 z+ X$ ^* E( ?$ n
Somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
2 g) s9 t& T7 O) F" l' y2 P+ nSomehow I discern that I am still in love with you
Somehow I am the only brilliance of myself
7 f* Z2 w, b. D2 @9 uSomehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance

lington

However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
================================================
However, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday
0 U# n) ~8 o8 d1 I! u
somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
=====================================================================
somehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...

alberta2007

我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

Justing

原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

% s  L' K. `8 e哦，这样啊，那就改回去吧，我以为是虚拟语气呢。

三思

劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲，这是什么体啊？