请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

alberta2007

I just wrote a poem
Besides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
! J) m5 m& I5 V0 ]$ fHowever,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
* p7 J6 _) c' s' U$ T7 T' OThanks a lot!!!


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$ j; c" J" o3 \" I8 QFormerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
# v4 n* a* U" w6 ], I3 |              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
6 W4 L" z( B2 ]: U/ ?              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
% a' B% S( @4 I- J. J( k              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
8 G: L* N) e5 E( P4 x8 n              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
7 l' i) A- G% z% d" ^              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
* u1 z9 w9 d3 G! h: p             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
, f" v9 _3 }0 H6 W9 k3 D# E9 B             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
             somehow I lost myself inside again
$ n6 G! t6 \& R6 zNow,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
Finally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
0 e  j, \+ w  C: [7 Q0 K& IBasically, I almost finish this poem
8 d) |9 v4 `! i% w  m               I am 一个人de精彩
               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
+ F  L. P3 Y1 O" eBut........         
: d, ~$ U2 \/ Y# _7 o9 mIronically? Isn't it?

yoyoke2004

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”
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卖糕的，写外国诗就得忘中国字吗？
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Justing

Somehow I'd fall in love with you
Somehow I'd find something wrong with us
Somehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
4 H6 d) a! K1 |; s# cSomehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
Somehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
Somehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness

- _2 H3 [' f% g3 a0 ASomehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
; ^. C; q$ ]+ I8 i0 d) a. }) ESomehow I realized you were still in my heart
Somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
! j  I+ i5 t; G  \Somehow I lost myself inside it again

! {; P; Q  \9 f9 l! u  A" uSomehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
Somehow I discern that I am still in love with you
" s5 H8 I; e, @0 e7 mSomehow I am the only brilliance of myself
Somehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance

lington

However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
================================================
  ?  P/ s( b7 L+ G, ]/ i: X/ WHowever, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday
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6 \# \  f5 C1 f/ k1 Osomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
=====================================================================
somehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...

alberta2007

我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

Justing

原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

哦，这样啊，那就改回去吧，我以为是虚拟语气呢。

三思

劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲，这是什么体啊？