请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

alberta2007

I just wrote a poem
; E: W. c7 A0 W' U& wBesides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
1 b$ L. B! B# U  z& THowever,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
Thanks a lot!!!
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Formerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
' ~" R! S& n; Q- ~% q- S. J/ k6 O              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
6 a0 m2 t9 s2 h' y              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
! R% h% y- x( z; Q' K5 J: E              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
0 ^- h# x/ S% Z! `- R              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
             somehow I lost myself inside again
Now,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
, D3 R1 |! Y- g+ @- M; R             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
Finally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
6 w2 T: v& A  @2 _4 h+ KBasically, I almost finish this poem
               I am 一个人de精彩
               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
But........         
& B: e' J' J# }: NIronically? Isn't it?

yoyoke2004

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”

1 Q7 J9 g+ t# o8 o) l卖糕的，写外国诗就得忘中国字吗？
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Justing

Somehow I'd fall in love with you
Somehow I'd find something wrong with us
Somehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
! [6 r# L7 M) T1 v0 k. i, S. gSomehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
3 C- W$ {7 W' e  h/ E3 D9 v; fSomehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
4 A1 v. e3 k, m, ASomehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness
8 d9 _+ C) [) M! {0 \- q4 k
+ o. J: ~6 ^. F( \" ySomehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
7 f" n  t/ `7 R2 s& KSomehow I realized you were still in my heart
Somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
' h7 K  o# H6 WSomehow I lost myself inside it again
% f3 G/ Z: j/ ?. h) G- l- b7 y
, u3 K& h! X$ M+ \1 VSomehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
% ]  B4 y  S, ^4 [1 _9 tSomehow I discern that I am still in love with you
9 R, b& J. C! B9 xSomehow I am the only brilliance of myself
2 m- h: g8 m- o, W) l8 d7 w9 pSomehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance

lington

However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
================================================
" M1 k5 R9 a9 L2 }However, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday
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3 J# T! ?" V  O, ?2 Y/ Z/ a& lsomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
0 w0 C" K! Q# |6 h$ z=====================================================================
& K& T9 T% F* q! L. C4 Q; ^  Ysomehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...

alberta2007

我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

Justing

原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

9 H, j6 i; n8 L0 q! D2 X2 K. [哦，这样啊，那就改回去吧，我以为是虚拟语气呢。

三思

劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲，这是什么体啊？