Modern Definitions

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The Washington Post publishes a yearly contest in which readers are asked to invent alternate meanings for various words.
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. `' `# \( d5 ~" m- K8 a1 IThe following were some of this year’s winning entries:
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* R) H5 u7 g  X3 G1. Coffee (n.), a person who is coughed upon.

! q' J; K8 z( F0 E) U2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have .
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3. Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

4. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.
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5. Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent

6. Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightie.

7. Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.
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, r: _& q" K, c% M# f6 }4 w9 `8. Gargoyle (n.), an olive-flavoured mouthwash.
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9. Flatulence (n.) the emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.
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10. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.
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% i& n% I# v! C0 Z; [11. Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.

0 }0 y$ I7 X7 T) I) n12. Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified demeanour assumed by a proctologist immediately before he examines you.
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13. Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddish expressions.

14. Circumvent (n.), the opening in the front of boxer shorts.
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15. Frisbeetarianism (n.), The belief that, when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck there.

  t2 _% g$ q6 A7 _( L" n7 R+ x16. Pokemon (n.), A Jamaican proctologist.