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The Washington Post publishes a yearly contest in which readers are asked to invent alternate meanings for various words. 3 n/ o0 r* @% s9 v" Z
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The following were some of this year’s winning entries: 5 ^. i! ?; [4 l
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1. Coffee (n.), a person who is coughed upon. / _# {+ J$ \7 W; H4 I8 r
$ h- {! d. D4 q0 a5 z2 U* P2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have .
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8 O( {/ _3 g( X. ^5 j3. Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach. 2 Y E" k1 U1 e
) A% W; _0 v* k# t2 b6 Z$ W9 w+ D4. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk. 2 W# o+ L. X( e0 m& t4 x* g
R( X- @4 N- X! O5. Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent
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6. Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightie.
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7. Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.
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8. Gargoyle (n.), an olive-flavoured mouthwash.
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: h& m5 D4 \' R% C9 `9. Flatulence (n.) the emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.
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6 t, v3 T, E5 i" t; [10. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.
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+ j/ W! v6 C: n" e11. Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam. & Y. x- o% A8 r9 c6 v
; I/ i$ M, u9 G7 [% |+ q& R12. Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified demeanour assumed by a proctologist immediately before he examines you.
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13. Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddish expressions. 9 s. P* V4 e( x: _) R! N
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14. Circumvent (n.), the opening in the front of boxer shorts.
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15. Frisbeetarianism (n.), The belief that, when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck there. . L/ t' c2 k$ Q1 \
1 t6 j1 `$ d6 C/ X* |" h4 n16. Pokemon (n.), A Jamaican proctologist. |
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