Modern Definitions

l8eac

The Washington Post publishes a yearly contest in which readers are asked to invent alternate meanings for various words.
8 ]6 i7 T8 |9 O
The following were some of this year’s winning entries:

6 _( }% Z9 b. a+ v9 l& R1. Coffee (n.), a person who is coughed upon.

: d8 Q' y5 Y" c7 T* u0 x2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have .
$ H8 h4 D2 o& A* M) y4 b7 n
3. Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
+ C5 N5 `7 F" j8 G+ V* D
4. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.
; F- K& C7 `  T' e& ]
5. Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent
8 A8 P4 M9 X( O$ L  _
! f3 S0 F( y/ Z7 `: b& f6. Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightie.
, x( q; ~3 M) d4 J2 C7 q
7. Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.
: r: s7 F+ {9 Q, i6 |
* l+ N# l- [! G8 b" ?# {- Q8. Gargoyle (n.), an olive-flavoured mouthwash.
! t8 `  D' N  h6 G# H
" f  q5 k- K* s; ]8 G' H' q6 x' Z9. Flatulence (n.) the emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.

10. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.
+ [2 @# h2 ~# w4 G$ W9 U
9 y& r6 V3 C( v3 b) r8 F11. Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.
1 S( J0 J7 D+ B# B1 A' `
: N6 L) b9 \9 i+ G8 \12. Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified demeanour assumed by a proctologist immediately before he examines you.
# G2 i* k, m) ]/ O9 R) L  V8 E% |
$ T8 `3 L, f7 u5 J* B! R4 S: C13. Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddish expressions.

+ Q3 e! O( j+ K8 f, f$ k14. Circumvent (n.), the opening in the front of boxer shorts.

15. Frisbeetarianism (n.), The belief that, when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck there.
) i/ l* W" m! u5 e
3 {4 n& D- L* T1 \* k; O16. Pokemon (n.), A Jamaican proctologist.