Crazy English! Zt

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Crazy English!
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0 M9 S9 C. P# {* aWe'll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes; But the plural of ox became oxen not oxes.
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One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese, Yet the plural of moose should never be meese.
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' m0 T' y: |: t! h# i) U! H% TYou may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice; Yet the plural of house is houses, not hice.
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/ q( R- _4 B  J# q1 j$ r1 |; NIf the plural of man is always called men, Why shouldn't the plural of pan be called pen?

If I spoke of my foot and show you my feet, And I give you a boot, would a pair be a beet?
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4 h( W) D. `: V+ F, ~0 d4 @+ r/ dIf one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth, Why shouldn't the plural of booths be called beet?
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8 T+ M9 j. F% @% }4 a, G5 y7 MThen one may be that, and three would be those, Yet hat in the plural would never be hose, and the plural of cat is cats, not cose.

# L' k& Y8 n/ E' _$ s1 a2 S3 }We speak of a brother and also of brethren, But though we say mother, we never say methren.
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, S! o) q, W8 N% DThen the masculine pronouns are he, his and him, But imagine the feminine, she, shis and shim.

2 m( h$ j* `' V" I- MLet's face it, English is a crazy language!

& m! @8 ?3 C- k+ s1 E. U8 s* EThere is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in a hamburger; Neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England.
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" o& q8 h9 y' `- b; bAnd why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, Grocers done groce and hammers don't hamm?
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9 z! V7 W+ S0 v& lDoesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends, but not one amend?

  H/ l5 m& F* K5 n( E- d$ W. PIf you have a bunch of odds & ends, And get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?

. X: Y1 w9 I+ M0 l0 MIf teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught?

( \+ N8 k' O  Y, l! j& W' O8 p' g6 F. GIf a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?

In what other language do people recite at a play and play at a recital?

Ship by truck and send cargo by ship?
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; U  I7 B, [, x9 Y1 U. O* ?! G( G; ~Have noses that run and feet that smell?

1 J" K+ T+ u( g' x* {  ?* dHow can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?
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# b6 x1 L7 R8 A5 \You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your
- ^1 G! K1 a5 m( r* c2 H9 eHouse burns down; in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which an alarm goes off by going on!

  z* p- ?" a% J: K8 L& zSometimes, I think all the folks who grew up speaking English Should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane