我今天刚写的英文诗, 高手给提提意见

我在故我思

Falling in love
$ q" e: S% @$ ?' w3 t4 z# K
' H% [: [  `* L/ m$ YI fell in love with you
. D$ j& W% K- `/ R6 JAt the first week we met

) I6 p$ a  b# h0 T' [4 h/ Q1 B; y% jYou have charm, you have looks
# K: R6 L& X! m- p' {with full of pimples in face
) ]- w2 D7 Z8 z' U- z& G5 G/ n4 cAs spotting sky at a summer night
; J; F' j0 T* ~! J% T, EThey are shining stars

9 Q' Z" {$ Y5 e9 v! hYour lip is so big
0 h* S7 z6 U! l. p- i5 n5 \0 pAnd that’s good for a kiss
Your body is chubby
And that is good for sex
3 @$ [* @0 ]5 |) I2 f# ?8 [. O
: W2 W9 G6 ]& b' e' nI was deeply in love
Everything from you is positive
- \" U, n' O+ n  PYou blame me everything and everyday
And I think all girls sound like
# s4 w4 r8 ?" g; a3 d  M3 v- y
You could not stand my eating
Saying no good for making funny sound
I think you are perfectly right
0 R4 _' `2 l' \* C' ^) WEating with sound is a pig
  n* a& S$ y/ z% G) W- ^
# k4 z1 u$ ^8 k0 ZI fell in love with you
Become a fool to think
% S. C. b. w6 c8 j" q2 YAll trouble things you did
And that is the price for love

you are deeply in love
/ p6 ~2 I. s; g9 W3 Q. J4 K& ^8 yEverything from me is negative
"My man should be like this,
3 ^4 h6 T, d/ X9 x( c) c1 yand I am helping you to improve'

You are loving me
7 A0 p1 s* H, u1 b( Bor that one in your mind?
' s; {) P2 r1 A) ?: H6 [9 cMy mind is like a mud
# t( ]( G3 A; V* b0 j* ucan be shaped whatever you want
# R$ z: u9 e$ }+ T/ p
7 d, O6 `5 @. J: s9 @( Junfortunalety not my heart
It is slashed by you
1 n& Q) _. m! q. @: G* O% }and I am seriously hurt

I will never love another
If my heart can be fixed

冰山上的来客

my english is so poor, can't understand your meaning.

米兔丫

这个，能不能叫情人眼里出西施，连小痘痘都升级作STAR了＝。＝

犀牛图拉

我在故我思

原帖由 冰山上的来客 于 2008-12-21 19:53 发表
9 Y+ }9 b; P  j* G  Emy english is so poor, can't understand your meaning.

4 w4 ]  _. V: p8 t
6 F8 s9 z9 L7 E咱可是请高手指点, 你都不明白, 我看就算了吧

肆贰叁

配上卡萨布兰卡的旋律就可以唱了，呵呵

我在故我思

楼上, 卡萨布兰卡的歌好听吗?

raymont

强！强！强！SEX!SEX!SEX!
$ h; N+ F  j1 t5 \, v) ?; K% `/ w& p不过像我这种对中文诗都没有什么研究的人，对贵作就更不敢胡言乱语啦！顶一下。

therainbow

sweeite,
8 R. ?$ k$ u: N/ \3 r7 E) t9 yi am sorry to say that ur poem sucks.
And this is something I change. Whatever left r too sucky to be changed

% k2 |2 H! |, B- C- _( T( n- F3 e4 Qwith the charm,
with the simles.
: o: M+ N1 J5 ?; j: @* fI fell in love with you
In the first sign.
! e- z5 @/ e/ t9 o* ~8 AAs spotting sky at a summer

Your lip is so soft
% l! d$ l1 g( m% z( Hthere is not honey can sweeter than ur kiss
3 B- U/ G; R, \$ j4 S2 _- QYour body is so sexy
And I cannt image the moment I  touch u.

+ U, H  S4 G) u5 K( Q0 DI am deeply in love
% O3 c9 q) g4 z/ K9 A( Z$ bEverything from you is so charming
although You r so picky for me
! E* D" v. B" `% j* I( Q  |And I take them as ur buttefly feelings.

therainbow

THis is the poem in SNTC S2 and it is not a good one 2.
& p* o( f# d# Y6 A! [But u can copy the way how she ranges the poem
. p, K7 x, K, `3 m! ]! I

* R2 j: e/ q8 j. A) p8 JHis hello is the end of her endings
Her laugh is their first step down  the aisle
) x) ?. C' `9 A) I: K( pHis hand would be hers to hold forever
0 E: u3 x8 ~& B# S9 v2 a# O% l* o" QHis forever is simply as her smile
1 q$ j3 D) p* E5 |: w7 y# SHe said she was what was missing
She said instantly she knew
! b& `+ c0 S, e6 |5 {She was a question to be answered
- K- M" w$ O5 w' O( y; Q3 WAnd his answer is
7 `  H% M5 t+ U: }2 m6 rI do

我在故我思

Rain bow, you are so right. You improved it , and now it is much better. Seems you also like poems. that is good and wish to keep in touch with each other. Merry Xmas
0 A0 }. S# G1 ]6 l
/ M9 N* M' [7 o7 dBelow is my new one, any comment?

我在故我思

It’s amazing how I felt

It's amazing how I felt
when I was with you
! I9 ?* O% K9 eMy heart beat so fast
I looked at you and thought
, z1 W4 l/ o, J: X& M) J0 t& VHoly Jesus, you were so cute

7 p0 l: T* _9 H; r6 J) TYou left me without a word
I have nothing except my emptiness
My mood is like a cloud
How could it be dispersed?
; _8 c. s3 _' [0 O
5 @* F3 }; Q% aFeelings bite my heart
You are the right one I wait
In the depth of my soul
I will love you till I'm dead

therainbow

闻一多怎么说来着,诗歌有音乐美,建筑美,绘画美
5 M4 j" e" o/ \1 o) C你的就是白花文,而且很多英文的用法根本不地道
就和用中文写一次
- W) L" H8 p& q; p5 j% G0 p阿,我爱你
* H( k; `4 G+ l! a* q( M3 o8 B! p6 `你让我心跳好快
7 G! T1 E: S9 T$ a% v1 m1 ~你让我脸发热
7 R# r& k; U" e- m3 l6 {/ f$ U! q, b9 V我爱上你的大嘴唇
XXXXX
# f, P5 m# X7 @/ C! m不知道你能不能受得了这样的中文呢?
: [% H; b7 g' J4 r. \8 L- v6 g
如果你写得如此白话文的话,不如向你喜欢的女子写封LOVE LETTER
( |/ f' A% i( Z& T- n  A8 |0 N$ a2 q至于,你最缺乏的意境,强烈要求你参考我给你贴的诗歌, 看看别人怎么用最白话的文字,写出有绘画美,建筑美和音乐美的东西

蓝言雪

楼主的湿，绝对要赞一个，那叫做雷死人不要钱！强就一个字！！！！

我在故我思

原帖由 therainbow 于 2008-12-24 15:24 发表
9 r' g# M5 t* v/ e- F7 b! }闻一多怎么说来着,诗歌有音乐美,建筑美,绘画美
你的就是白花文,而且很多英文的用法根本不地道
  e) Z, ^2 G! u5 X8 C就和用中文写一次
阿,我爱你
& Z1 V( S- M+ n  `. U4 W你让我心跳好快
1 o, v& y& e4 d- R  F5 f你让我脸发热
我爱上你的大嘴唇
XXXXX
( [/ Z* g2 F! v+ @# G0 @不知道你能不能受得了这样的 ...

5 \3 d2 G# o2 \2 t
# H) H; Q& F% t靠, 你要是不爱女人的厚嘴唇和性感的身体的话, 难道你会爱女人的脚趾头和胳胳窝不成?

therainbow

恩,我无语了

ram

这也叫诗,勇气大大的.

费莫

Match the following Song! Casablanca.
3 J3 ~5 ~# x0 Y1 A% ]" U6 T

爱中成长

竟陵残雪

码字能连句，转行也成诗。。。