Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:

CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
/ s6 L9 O# i8 s+ T7 E) o* ?CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
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6 h3 ^7 [+ V, F: n9 a6 g/ UBULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
8 }. `+ g8 n" c6 E& i3 IBEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

BROKER -- What my broker has made me.

STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

6 F# }( q4 R! qSTOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

( [# I- H3 u1 G; W7 F$ e2 _STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
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7 P2 o% ?4 r0 e1 @/ H& G9 v! t- Y7 y2 aFINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

3 h2 h; j: u5 M; T4 KMARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
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CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
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YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

' N% F3 O# b2 r+ x4 W$ V, lWINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
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INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
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" U8 s" l+ T+ }$ aPROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
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' }- U$ \# w8 T$ C) dIf you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
6 R1 N8 q0 p7 `/ FWith Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
1 Z5 Y( z/ v* ^& j2 |With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
$ w5 c7 Z- C, P8 [8 F$ pBased on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

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What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
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                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
     
                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵