Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:
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( y5 W/ R3 y, SCEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

0 Q1 L4 e* L9 k& b) |- w- B9 iBULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
% w2 ~$ z+ X) y9 y( d3 t% vBEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
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VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
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P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
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BROKER -- What my broker has made me.
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+ v1 |( O) s4 C6 u3 kSTANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
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STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
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* |6 e8 T) T) l9 c" RFINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
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YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
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WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
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INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

* K4 j- M* W$ D7 rPROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.

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4 D' Z. k+ E; v% @If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
: D- D# Z/ z! o( w1 O0 i1 gWith Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
9 z/ t3 F  o. Q7 o7 _! xBased on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

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What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?

- R2 P% g7 O9 Z* n4 i) \                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.

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2 [2 e* o  @6 A3 Q. V5 M2 p6 rPoliticians and diapers have one thing in common...   
     
1 J5 y: h8 Q+ h* B' J                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵