Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:

CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
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8 y$ Q* q, M! a0 D6 ]% `! TBULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
$ w9 o7 Y- m. F/ a  P) I4 _8 oBEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
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VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
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P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
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BROKER -- What my broker has made me.
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  i( B0 ]" S/ T  p( f+ [, d$ O) Q6 oSTANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
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# ]9 q8 s9 e" ^8 _6 SSTOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
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' W8 j' p- |: s2 CMARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

' z9 N4 q; _  G) Q% V7 k% R2 {YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

8 Y/ E0 V( q6 @& [3 E$ g- F8 \WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
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1 Q3 k1 n; R/ @! e7 BPROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
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! z/ V' S& ^$ O7 m) EIf you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
  _1 h7 o! [$ Z" _5 M1 f  dWith Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
' x1 x  a0 {/ P! f+ FBut, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
8 v0 D* M6 u. wBased on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

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What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
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                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
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                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵