Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:

CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
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; Z5 y. S6 ~2 I9 E: ^3 b2 f5 \BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
. F3 Y! h9 l7 \9 j0 }BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

6 m+ [2 ~$ g/ e) D: yVALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

# e0 d$ i! k" B3 d5 p. s2 K& OP/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
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4 u3 f1 O, F5 Z% `$ V5 p% `BROKER -- What my broker has made me.

STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
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  I3 X" r7 a# l) Y7 h( V  y- @STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
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" k% P/ D1 ^# v& JFINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

, D. V' y, O& Q7 m* jMARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
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CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

& B$ P5 p7 V6 t8 QYAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

3 R5 h5 t9 i, u; O. nINSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.

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  W0 _- w6 E8 o+ a) T% QIf you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
3 W( O7 b! |- N$ CBut, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
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What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?

                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
     
8 @  Z& I% Q$ |: w( i" P                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵