Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:

9 P) p& \7 c! ?! f& a6 G. vCEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
" I* Z0 M" v& c  TCFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

8 z; ]/ o! J$ p! ~0 P4 A" WBULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

7 m+ v" ]5 w5 }$ G7 I1 WVALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
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P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
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BROKER -- What my broker has made me.

; U0 y4 Z5 ~8 ~( p9 tSTANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
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, Z6 G% I% }6 i) `; |STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
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" Y, T# z" b" m) B0 JFINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

% c4 U) w, L/ G& `# @MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
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CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
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YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
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5 }! v0 t& g3 E* K* {) lINSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
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PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
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If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
1 |9 l1 A5 h8 }7 E5 I  M/ D+ jWith Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
& \9 V2 t8 k# `$ ^. }With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
9 M4 |* z3 Q5 L/ ~  r- XBut, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
, g' p1 {8 L1 r$ ~4 [Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

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2 e" r. K" F& M% t8 r3 W& X/ X8 U$ xWhat is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
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+ v5 R, S3 v  y# N- ^- n                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.

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* K# d  F4 n' i; N7 H, LPoliticians and diapers have one thing in common...   
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                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵