Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:

2 Q# F2 L: i9 r: m7 ICEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

* d2 n7 J  I% F1 r9 Q) |+ `BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
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VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
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! |4 ^! S" u1 W+ B% a- {P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
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4 A' x* [  y6 n& Q" j0 d- yBROKER -- What my broker has made me.
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' y9 \. u$ N5 r6 jSTANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
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. Y+ L5 B+ u7 SFINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
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MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
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' u: t/ n/ U$ i7 {. O$ W( @. HCASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

/ V8 ]& j# p: v% OYAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
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WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

3 i$ h: S9 ?& d; m: C+ jINSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

4 _& X) n/ l2 yPROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
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If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
% H4 F1 A) I" H, Y3 t2 O  xWith AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
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" C$ x  i( G3 E5 R4 I$ \What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
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3 j& o3 L7 R. N5 D: y. {                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.

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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
     
7 ~" P6 N9 d8 [3 I                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵