办公室新政策（ZT搞笑））

又见炊烟

Dress Code:
- ~4 C# G1 A) u& u& R/ r) H1.        You are advised to come to work dressed according to your salary.   
  @( J1 q5 o' k1 k2.        If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we will assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise.
3.        If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise.
4.        If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.

. A% d* h/ M9 n; ?; ]  k* [Sick Days:
$ V- U6 h; A, @. l* a5 CWe will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

Personal Days:
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturdays & Sundays.

  V& J6 \! G0 |0 a  V" K- ?& [* a; wBereavement Leave:
, [! c! {; _% W/ I2 ^$ a" G6 Q' v1.        This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers.   
% M0 _; Z! k5 [9 r1 m7 O5 r" Q7 d2.        Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend the funeral arrangements.   
3.        In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late af ternoon.   
7 ^9 i2 A6 p$ t4.        We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.

Bathroom Breaks:
1.        Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls.   
2.        At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken.   
7 V* W0 i" c# l* C3.        After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders" category.   
6 B' U8 M* ?0 i, v: J- X# Q4.        Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the company's mental health policy.
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$ m9 `- N$ }$ g4 k; kLunch Break:
1.        Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy.
  `0 B8 S. X; B2.        Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.
) l8 f4 y4 y) ?8 ]/ f4 W  s/ a3.        Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.
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Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplation s, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.

1 p& m$ ]: C! N6 q" |( OThe Management
( d* @3 Q; H$ h0 i5 a  j
& c: R: |, g, t; d% NPass this on to all who are employed.

Eunice.kk

喜玛拉雅

眼镜腿

Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the company's mental health policy.

celina

not very understand.