Just For A Laugh : LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON

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LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON
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$ Q( g5 I+ `) ^5 a" T- A+ u> > > >A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence
! r3 h6 T* L- G  _" j; B> > > >and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on
> > > >little TONY.
" ]7 q) T/ @7 A# A9 z+ @> > > >He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."
> > > >The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your
>thinking."
6 e0 C! V3 b; l; X$ U> > > >Then little TONY says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women
: }7 Q7 }& X! q2 A6 `1 f: L> > > >sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the
: L4 f1 u. F' T  {7 ^. H$ f> > > >sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the
>
$ ~6 E6 v( V' ^6 V$ W$ l: }> > > >top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice
>cream.
> > > >Which one is married?"
7 G) \1 l  Y3 v% |> > > >The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the
4 Q$ O" D+ e! d! _> > > >one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
8 i1 _1 P% f4 ]& Z- g5 V! W" _- B> > > >To which Little TONY replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with
> > > >the wedding ring on', but I like your thinking."
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: R2 l4 V/ Z4 w6 p. C+ Z6 p> > > >LITTLE TONY ON MATH
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/ h; J; D4 H6 e; Z. d) ~> > > >Little TONY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
$ G7 i4 Y6 ?0 e1 w% J> > > >"Why?" asks the father.
> > > >"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3', I said '6'," replies TONY.
> > > >"But that's right!" says his dad.
> > > >"Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?' "
! y7 @% B4 P! B  A5 e" ^3 ?> > > >"What's the 法克ing difference?" asks the father.
9 a7 A7 H7 n2 h% ~: ?: v; S> > > >"That's what I said!"
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON ENGLISH
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# W: K4 Z9 R$ `5 l/ L$ f6 Q> > > >Little TONY goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are
2 W$ c" C, I& W+ t: K* w> > > >going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an
" ?# U: I$ C9 D& v! D3 `+ O> > > >example of a multi-syllable word?"
2 y6 y. h7 p' t* v1 _; {' T> > > >TONY says "Masturbate."
4 b0 x* Y( D! G& X* z# }$ N7 b> > > >Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little TONY, that's a mouthful."
' n9 H, r4 e" a' d. l, m> > > >Little TONY says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
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# J. ?, A4 G+ w- h) J, e> > > >Little TONY was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed
> > > >to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a
, f+ P1 x: g, G+ J! x9 f! i4 V4 p, k> > > >piss!!"
# \% c  z$ a0 ]9 _9 |% g> > > >The teacher replied, "Now, TONY, that is NOT the proper word to use
> > > >in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate'.
> > > >Please use the word 'urinate' in a sentence correctly, and I will
> > > >allow
> > > >you to go."
$ J* o' |9 Q( x4 M- R$ C0 \> > > >Little TONY, thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an eight, but
# ?: |1 n0 d( R& a" K, Z> > > >if you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!"
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
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> > > >One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a
> > > >show of hands from those who could use the! Word "beautiful" in the
4 H- m. M: x. s> > > >same sentence twice.
> > > >First, she called on little Suzy, who responded with, "My father
> > > >bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."
> > > >"Very good, Suzy," replied the teacher. She then called on little
* C4 S, X" G' ?  [4 y% s- Y> > > >Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out
> > > >beautifully."
> > > >She said, "Excellent, Michael!" Then the teacher reluctantly
> > > >called on little TONY.
> > > >"Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she
' `# k* G+ V4 v* U( o8 i$ B> > > >was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just 法克ing beautiful!"
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GETTING OLDER
> > > >
> > > >Little TONY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar
> > > >after another. After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him
; M! y& N, W1 C& i> > > >said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It
6 e2 Q9 o( F3 P4 W* x> > > >will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."
/ z; I! A' M: _, g> > > >Little TONY replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."
> > > >The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"
$ `# K5 W( g5 M, w6 u/ F+ n7 ^> > > >Little TONY answered, "No, he minded his own 法克ing business