Just For A Laugh : LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON

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LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON
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> > > >A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence
9 ~! x, T8 {% W4 X; T) o) R0 ?> > > >and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on
" R' X0 X/ n: w6 v: p" d> > > >little TONY.
% ]6 `: I! `% i/ |- Q- D> > > >He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."
> > > >The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your
' z% C1 J' X% x  k+ a: a5 E>thinking."
, e3 q1 q* Q. H* _% F3 P+ O. ~> > > >Then little TONY says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women
> > > >sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the
, N8 p' @1 I% _1 Y- j> > > >sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the
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> > > >top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice
4 j+ u! v4 {. j5 s+ O) ^$ ?3 R>cream.
> > > >Which one is married?"
> > > >The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the
1 T* k; Q% R- \8 X6 y( C8 z* u1 v> > > >one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
6 o; d5 M' a8 F> > > >To which Little TONY replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with
# h$ n+ [9 Y6 `> > > >the wedding ring on', but I like your thinking."
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON MATH
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> > > >Little TONY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
> > > >"Why?" asks the father.
> > > >"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3', I said '6'," replies TONY.
9 U( u/ P& d. j7 l> > > >"But that's right!" says his dad.
> > > >"Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?' "
8 x) w/ C5 t% I: Q' ]> > > >"What's the 法克ing difference?" asks the father.
1 N6 K3 v3 R  k/ F# r/ ?/ ?: o8 N; h> > > >"That's what I said!"
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON ENGLISH
> > > >
> > > >Little TONY goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are
> > > >going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an
$ I1 ~$ {8 \+ Y) Z9 o5 R> > > >example of a multi-syllable word?"
> > > >TONY says "Masturbate."
> > > >Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little TONY, that's a mouthful."
> > > >Little TONY says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
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  f, f, X2 W5 \) V5 e> > > >Little TONY was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed
1 v4 t6 _# i1 L9 D; L( ^( Q> > > >to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a
> > > >piss!!"
" g( M, s  ]' v> > > >The teacher replied, "Now, TONY, that is NOT the proper word to use
> > > >in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate'.
; e9 h4 D5 ^% ]$ B5 y> > > >Please use the word 'urinate' in a sentence correctly, and I will
> > > >allow
$ X: t# T- v! c) B> > > >you to go."
> > > >Little TONY, thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an eight, but
> > > >if you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!"
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6 V( E- }1 B- J/ k3 ?> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
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> > > >One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a
+ t# L2 I2 ?5 K+ p0 T3 o> > > >show of hands from those who could use the! Word "beautiful" in the
> > > >same sentence twice.
0 O/ ?) e( E. Q+ S6 n> > > >First, she called on little Suzy, who responded with, "My father
  |1 d1 ^. e7 ~* K+ z> > > >bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."
> > > >"Very good, Suzy," replied the teacher. She then called on little
6 l( H. H! ~1 b4 M> > > >Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out
( o7 a1 g& b& r& A> > > >beautifully."
9 l. |, w- l  s  x& s/ V> > > >She said, "Excellent, Michael!" Then the teacher reluctantly
> > > >called on little TONY.
> > > >"Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she
> > > >was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just 法克ing beautiful!"
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GETTING OLDER
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3 }6 N/ x. V$ x6 E: O> > > >Little TONY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar
1 T% s) N  a; v6 `; t  s7 ?> > > >after another. After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him
> > > >said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It
> > > >will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."
> > > >Little TONY replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."
+ ?$ F0 Y3 [) P) U' ?4 q> > > >The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"
$ ^* D/ m% Q" _> > > >Little TONY answered, "No, he minded his own 法克ing business