Just For A Laugh : LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON

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LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON
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> > > >A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence
; [* I) _7 A4 m! m  M- @& R$ ~> > > >and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on
% R4 @" x1 M; Z2 n  @5 d> > > >little TONY.
> > > >He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."
9 b0 }" z- d; t, M3 ]! s> > > >The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your
; d! d; _4 @2 x>thinking."
, G* E0 O  V3 i! z9 g( I& D> > > >Then little TONY says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women
8 }3 H0 x4 L! m2 Z! m( T: Z. t> > > >sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the
" ?. a* Y% N/ v2 @' K* J> > > >sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the
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> > > >top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice
>cream.
# c! C5 Q5 ~! O- G5 g# O: C> > > >Which one is married?"
> > > >The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the
: h) w) s  ]( Q- l4 X> > > >one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
> > > >To which Little TONY replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with
9 d4 H. w/ T9 m2 O+ g> > > >the wedding ring on', but I like your thinking."
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2 G7 W9 p* Q5 u1 Z. D> > > >LITTLE TONY ON MATH
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> > > >Little TONY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
& b; x  G3 Z0 h" d" G) t2 b8 L> > > >"Why?" asks the father.
2 l: N$ I/ O0 n8 \8 @* \> > > >"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3', I said '6'," replies TONY.
> > > >"But that's right!" says his dad.
> > > >"Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?' "
> > > >"What's the 法克ing difference?" asks the father.
# s: K/ y- ?; D$ r* \4 H& \> > > >"That's what I said!"
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0 M% W: b" ]7 u. r9 p7 {> > > >LITTLE TONY ON ENGLISH
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> > > >Little TONY goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are
! g/ `3 U5 a1 u. y- T; S> > > >going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an
6 w3 k) }* w/ W# ^> > > >example of a multi-syllable word?"
' E) Y4 B) k2 X2 p" H( w> > > >TONY says "Masturbate."
, D+ }( h5 d$ o' E) o& b+ J> > > >Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little TONY, that's a mouthful."
, f2 |& Y  o& N9 `/ z+ z3 z> > > >Little TONY says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."
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+ |5 w1 E( \9 ~: u/ ]> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
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2 `. w" R  X2 R( ?> > > >Little TONY was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed
> > > >to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a
" y3 C% D% I: D$ y; q' `8 t> > > >piss!!"
. T; ^* q  Z5 K> > > >The teacher replied, "Now, TONY, that is NOT the proper word to use
> > > >in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate'.
' ^" M$ k8 S+ j# j( A( R0 {4 L, u> > > >Please use the word 'urinate' in a sentence correctly, and I will
> > > >allow
> > > >you to go."
" K; b5 |8 I5 R$ e! Y> > > >Little TONY, thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an eight, but
> > > >if you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!"
> > > >
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
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" |/ ], H+ N8 F- L. u3 {> > > >One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a
> > > >show of hands from those who could use the! Word "beautiful" in the
+ ~: [  J! M' y0 b6 L, N6 N* A3 m: i> > > >same sentence twice.
, Q2 N& A+ U2 y, o> > > >First, she called on little Suzy, who responded with, "My father
7 ~, ~/ Q2 h- p0 M, I' ?> > > >bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."
9 A: }& x  `( j% D' t5 m> > > >"Very good, Suzy," replied the teacher. She then called on little
> > > >Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out
: p, k" j, k- Q' r$ {  H6 f$ R> > > >beautifully."
5 C) }: H# x5 H/ @. D6 z> > > >She said, "Excellent, Michael!" Then the teacher reluctantly
> > > >called on little TONY.
> > > >"Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she
> > > >was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just 法克ing beautiful!"
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GETTING OLDER
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  W" @2 `2 y, E$ F: j8 t/ x> > > >Little TONY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar
> > > >after another. After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him
5 c) ]( Q5 X% m> > > >said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It
> > > >will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."
> > > >Little TONY replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."
- s2 n* [9 _. e, j> > > >The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"
; `4 j) Z  h' o8 o> > > >Little TONY answered, "No, he minded his own 法克ing business