Just For A Laugh : LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON

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LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON
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> > > >A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence
( H& V; Z6 K$ L$ L( Q; u3 z> > > >and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on
> > > >little TONY.
> > > >He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."
; C& ?9 S4 i3 @6 Y" f0 e> > > >The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your
>thinking."
> > > >Then little TONY says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women
> > > >sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the
6 X  U& d+ D. m$ W: W5 L" i( Z> > > >sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the
>
* n: q) `' Y$ K8 ^; v& X9 p> > > >top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice
>cream.
5 \, T1 _5 @7 F7 L. l3 \> > > >Which one is married?"
> > > >The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the
! Q2 b% e% p5 Z5 K3 T- q1 T9 q> > > >one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
) k3 i2 N0 P1 b& \& m> > > >To which Little TONY replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with
> > > >the wedding ring on', but I like your thinking."
> > > >
> > > >
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON MATH
> > > >
/ y+ \  [1 U  f) f$ x% ]  r> > > >Little TONY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
> > > >"Why?" asks the father.
> > > >"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3', I said '6'," replies TONY.
> > > >"But that's right!" says his dad.
> > > >"Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?' "
& v( \, Q* G" l6 Q( k+ i> > > >"What's the 法克ing difference?" asks the father.
> > > >"That's what I said!"
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> > > >
> > > >LITTLE TONY ON ENGLISH
> > > >
> > > >Little TONY goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are
- {5 r# H* h. z  M) R3 v( Z5 h> > > >going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an
> > > >example of a multi-syllable word?"
0 t4 n5 @$ {* @! _% ?> > > >TONY says "Masturbate."
> > > >Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little TONY, that's a mouthful."
  s/ F, \& c: S5 x7 ^/ U9 D8 z> > > >Little TONY says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."
> > > >
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> > > >
> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
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/ ~) @) T' p5 ?& Q2 g0 G> > > >Little TONY was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed
7 g; x" s7 Q, H9 t> > > >to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a
> > > >piss!!"
> > > >The teacher replied, "Now, TONY, that is NOT the proper word to use
3 f" E" B8 L9 u& `$ y; L2 D& u4 x> > > >in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate'.
> > > >Please use the word 'urinate' in a sentence correctly, and I will
1 D1 p& `( D& v) d> > > >allow
% {9 ?5 X7 Q5 G' q> > > >you to go."
8 l) f' ]  b2 p2 X- Z> > > >Little TONY, thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an eight, but
> > > >if you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!"
> > > >
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> > > >
> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
> > > >
; G. K; D/ h$ x0 q> > > >One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a
> > > >show of hands from those who could use the! Word "beautiful" in the
& T4 |) m/ D4 u, Y0 o2 A> > > >same sentence twice.
> > > >First, she called on little Suzy, who responded with, "My father
2 j( o! t' L+ d7 b" s) z9 s> > > >bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."
> > > >"Very good, Suzy," replied the teacher. She then called on little
- _4 C. G; w5 v, W; K  I- W. N8 e> > > >Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out
  i3 V* G1 X! B> > > >beautifully."
> > > >She said, "Excellent, Michael!" Then the teacher reluctantly
> > > >called on little TONY.
( n1 {0 c4 i. d+ Q: G+ R: G+ I> > > >"Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she
  S2 q$ f. J: P2 J9 M. U> > > >was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just 法克ing beautiful!"
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> > > >
> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GETTING OLDER
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) d: k- i: y5 H8 N> > > >Little TONY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar
! s( [5 n" y3 i- U  y> > > >after another. After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him
> > > >said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It
4 U! P2 l: N/ S4 Y$ d> > > >will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."
> > > >Little TONY replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."
> > > >The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"
> > > >Little TONY answered, "No, he minded his own 法克ing business