Just For A Laugh : LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON

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LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON
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. X8 Z' H6 b' B. w* F* Q> > > >A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence
> > > >and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on
> > > >little TONY.
> > > >He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."
' l  ~  K8 }; y; L> > > >The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your
% A: y  }- E3 j8 F& y( m5 w  x>thinking."
$ Z. a* o' c6 w$ s6 G9 h> > > >Then little TONY says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women
, |! L! o$ y7 ]1 J  r> > > >sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the
& B' Y2 @' h* E! W4 L- O> > > >sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the
>
> > > >top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice
>cream.
> > > >Which one is married?"
> > > >The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the
> > > >one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
3 i  C6 n% u- d0 Q7 h. Q$ T7 v> > > >To which Little TONY replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with
0 @8 B  ?5 Q# S; ]! l: O5 T& @> > > >the wedding ring on', but I like your thinking."
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> > > >
> > > >LITTLE TONY ON MATH
> > > >
> > > >Little TONY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
, u6 c  h- n1 O$ p> > > >"Why?" asks the father.
> > > >"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3', I said '6'," replies TONY.
" G7 W0 p' M$ b  v2 W$ g- R> > > >"But that's right!" says his dad.
9 x; V0 R/ M$ W- ~4 i3 N% }; W" G> > > >"Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?' "
> > > >"What's the 法克ing difference?" asks the father.
' N( y) o' }3 c' F> > > >"That's what I said!"
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- t. v! V9 y" p- R3 m> > > >LITTLE TONY ON ENGLISH
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/ Q- R' q3 Z. l  M. h4 p> > > >Little TONY goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are
- F- {) m9 H; m# _1 T2 O/ v> > > >going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an
> > > >example of a multi-syllable word?"
! [& Y) e1 p% S7 z> > > >TONY says "Masturbate."
9 N/ c/ ~5 R, F3 D$ m( G- q2 Q& k> > > >Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little TONY, that's a mouthful."
> > > >Little TONY says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
> > > >
> > > >Little TONY was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed
> > > >to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a
> > > >piss!!"
> > > >The teacher replied, "Now, TONY, that is NOT the proper word to use
> > > >in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate'.
* E. b; H& h5 w% ^/ k( z> > > >Please use the word 'urinate' in a sentence correctly, and I will
> > > >allow
> > > >you to go."
# i, f4 G; n$ M! v' \) n> > > >Little TONY, thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an eight, but
7 ^) z: L- ~% \> > > >if you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!"
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
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> > > >One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a
. r4 r4 K4 O% x1 R6 e> > > >show of hands from those who could use the! Word "beautiful" in the
5 D: p* {6 ^5 l: l) O- T( F; [; `> > > >same sentence twice.
& e) z3 }( W- n! B1 D> > > >First, she called on little Suzy, who responded with, "My father
> > > >bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."
" N. C5 k' L+ p% K. }! A9 m" C> > > >"Very good, Suzy," replied the teacher. She then called on little
> > > >Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out
> > > >beautifully."
+ l: m6 p7 e3 _, \5 c* x( C5 F> > > >She said, "Excellent, Michael!" Then the teacher reluctantly
> > > >called on little TONY.
> > > >"Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she
> > > >was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just 法克ing beautiful!"
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+ o" F6 t) |& t9 A> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GETTING OLDER
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& ]* ^$ U+ u% q( G, J4 T> > > >Little TONY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar
0 r" F/ n. ^# o: M2 @> > > >after another. After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him
> > > >said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It
9 Q6 d3 Y7 g: f" h) b> > > >will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."
5 T5 T- [! N. `> > > >Little TONY replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."
> > > >The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"
  L  H: x5 w9 {* F' Y2 e> > > >Little TONY answered, "No, he minded his own 法克ing business