请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

alberta2007

I just wrote a poem
# A. @+ W! z  R9 E5 r. mBesides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
1 N5 j  |3 x0 l' Y8 P# I) bHowever,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
Thanks a lot!!!



2 E$ o6 [5 n9 m/ y5 G
4 H7 V: `: y; H, P


Formerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
4 a9 g) i6 |! I( F              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
( D. [5 S3 y" p              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
% I1 z' J' a' d5 {9 l( v/ o              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
6 P1 ~- m# D* @. qHowever, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
             somehow I lost myself inside again
Now,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
7 w6 Y8 M! I5 q+ C0 ]* M" w             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
Finally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
  g6 K  p' J  C& _* x7 L! nBasically, I almost finish this poem
  t0 o& Q; F4 N9 Q/ H1 a               I am 一个人de精彩
# w" K9 m, i/ j# M5 M' [               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
But........         
" \" w0 s% Z6 J7 i3 eIronically? Isn't it?

yoyoke2004

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”

4 B) o1 V9 ]: g; M% T卖糕的，写外国诗就得忘中国字吗？

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Justing

Somehow I'd fall in love with you
$ @: X1 p+ {# U. s" Z' MSomehow I'd find something wrong with us
5 k6 h$ h2 N) S( _Somehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
Somehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
( T# K  _: }/ D. N/ F0 HSomehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
Somehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness
- {7 R& m' t; x
Somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
1 [( C# Z. l1 ?' }, zSomehow I realized you were still in my heart
& Y) _/ ?3 @* dSomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
Somehow I lost myself inside it again
, N$ Q5 m* k) P1 g- D
  }+ Y2 e0 ~. h* G8 b( U8 Q( }Somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
2 ?7 o6 {# g% gSomehow I discern that I am still in love with you
7 B% y7 y& |5 K, iSomehow I am the only brilliance of myself
Somehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance

lington

However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
================================================
However, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday

$ Z% q2 L! ~0 g' q4 osomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
8 @- Y% \3 O8 K& l3 S# t! w=====================================================================
somehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...

alberta2007

我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

Justing

原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

哦，这样啊，那就改回去吧，我以为是虚拟语气呢。

三思

劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲，这是什么体啊？