请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

alberta2007

I just wrote a poem
Besides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
0 u( W6 B: ~8 KHowever,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
Thanks a lot!!!

) \8 \& [: [6 u( M0 B; a9 S, j" i. M


1 U- A% Y0 |4 A! [( B* w- ^


Formerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
( s1 ^0 {- [& c1 L9 X              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
5 F8 `/ z' w8 j+ Y/ R              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
, x: m2 `- ~3 l. F$ y9 @, C8 ]However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
( F7 V7 v7 v" d1 n             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
             somehow I lost myself inside again
Now,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
: u! B7 ]9 M7 e* c             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
Finally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
Basically, I almost finish this poem
$ y  j5 a9 k5 y7 ^% B3 }8 Z               I am 一个人de精彩
               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
But........         
Ironically? Isn't it?

yoyoke2004

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”

/ O8 U6 o; p5 j' {. ~卖糕的，写外国诗就得忘中国字吗？
' r/ c( _4 @& P; I& A

Justing

Somehow I'd fall in love with you
Somehow I'd find something wrong with us
Somehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
" Q# j8 z0 C; r+ f3 e( X# nSomehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
5 C; D2 K& k# MSomehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
Somehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness
$ G& c$ r  M* n# J
/ p: {4 {4 {8 s5 ySomehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
% ~% L/ x1 s' [# S0 S8 x8 }Somehow I realized you were still in my heart
! R& M6 V3 \1 F8 s1 ]: P! _1 S' HSomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
  ^8 w# j0 O- h/ v: u5 m# mSomehow I lost myself inside it again
3 P4 U! r2 Z( |2 T1 q& m% i
Somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
Somehow I discern that I am still in love with you
' s0 P$ Z! Q& S. |Somehow I am the only brilliance of myself
; Y6 Z! c: F+ T4 V( \" ~Somehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance

lington

However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
5 |9 t0 l8 q3 J/ \3 y5 J6 T================================================
However, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday

- Z7 W) o4 a9 A# \somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
+ p6 L: C  X9 ^1 n; C=====================================================================
# x4 p$ H% F: z* @+ u, D4 Qsomehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...

alberta2007

我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

Justing

原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

哦，这样啊，那就改回去吧，我以为是虚拟语气呢。

三思

劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲，这是什么体啊？