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NEW RULES FOR ENTERING ALBERTA
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" g' s# z8 F2 C2 y P# D! t 1. Bring your own house.$ o6 m% E! F+ S {1 n# e* j0 O
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2. If going to the Oil Sands, bring your own house, school and
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- [ G+ w) s2 m& b8 n% l) T) S3 ] 3. If going to Edmonton , wear your flak jacket. This is the murder/ W3 B* n: u; I
capital of Canada .
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4. If driving to Edmonton, it is also the auto theft center of Canada . o: g- Q/ B: O9 M
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5. If you are bringing drugs, head to West Edmonton Mall, the drug
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6. If you are looking for work, look no further. Minimum wage is {# w6 h9 \8 k8 x
$8.00/hour.0 u- S. F. s: J) q, C
$ _$ M" f& |' z y( u- v 7. If you work downtown, parking costs $10.00/hour.% |7 H- _4 |2 J. n
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8. If you are able to buy a house in Calgary , why not spend the money
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) U: A% }( P: C* b7 {" E7 b 9. If you drive a Hummer, look out. We sit amongst the highest gas
# h1 s" g6 W' Q# ]1 I1 J- Mprices in Canada . (So much for The Alberta Advantage); V7 R. l- H9 ~: g! [9 k( w
2 d! f: ~& Q; X* [7 S# t; j# k10. In Edmonton we have 5 hospitals. 10 years ago we had 7. Don't come
' _' g, g' ^/ Yhere sick.
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7 d7 D' b7 I! [$ ~# b11. In Calgary, the population has exploded. The last road was paved 12
{+ [9 @ H* K6 i; {1 }7 \% lyears ago. Calgary is a no-parking zone.
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# s) y7 R" u2 s2 n THE NEW RULES FOR DRIVING IN EDMONTON :+ t4 V4 p8 n% R% R( v F D/ |, I
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1. You must first learn to pronounce the city name, it is: " E-MIN-TIN ".' x P$ J5 s; {! D2 R7 j
0 e/ Q' Q& u' l! v+ [) p2 l5 O& A2. The morning rush hour is from 5:00am to noon. The evening rush hour
9 a; H+ E B% t, u' C! tis from noon to 8:00pm. Friday's rush hour starts on Thursday morning.3 T. ]* |/ X+ l$ M
3 ]( o8 F" ?# j2 Y* o3 . Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Edmonton now has its, i& E5 Z' O) m( k
own version of traffic rules. For example, cars/trucks with the loudest
% \4 [* V8 Q) F/ s! e9 ~muffler go first at a four-way stop; the trucks with the biggest tires
, y5 U3 N- J- ~6 c, Y# ugo second. However, south-west Edmonton , SUV-driving, cell8 E! s3 @* R- Q, V# P
phone-talking moms ALWAYS have the right of way.
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9 l2 R) b4 O$ P+ G/ j, A4 . If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended,
8 r# x3 H; X" y2 ]! acussed out, and possibly shot.
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2 r. D( B! E1 U4 K/ o4 n5 . Never honk at anyone. Ever! Seriously! It's another offense that
; j" B" a* S: p9 ]can get you shot.
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6 . Road construction is permanent and continuous in Edmonton . Detour7 {6 D8 Z/ C5 V- R/ M% N
barrels are moved around during the middle of the night to make the next
2 `2 @1 e) N! h d4 Uday's driving a bit more exciting, but nothing ever gets finished, and
' f! M" b3 |, C+ Z' ]6 a! Wmore construction starts everyday.
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7 . Watch carefully for road hazards such as drunks, skunks, dogs, cats,
9 L. Y! |: N% ^6 N* M: @4 y% Jdeer, barrels, cones, cows, horses, mattresses, shredded tires, garbage,% R; L: l( X; m
squirrels, rabbits, crows, and coyotes feeding on any of these items.: M* _0 G0 _0 _5 ?$ q6 n; X% Q8 i
+ F7 }: `. c$ _ z8 V3 Q8 . Calgary Trail, Gateway Boulevard, Highway 2 and the QE2 are all# y; `# E) a" b+ }$ W9 N% G$ I
the same road.! L' X* |, U1 G" o9 t2 X+ x
) X: ?8 ~1 o1 I" e; Y4 }9 . If someone actually has their turn signal on, wave them to the
6 F) e2 B; f, N! H; m/ {5 _( vshoulder immediately to let them know it has been "accidentally
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' o" M, D0 B3 o! O10 . If you are in the left lane and only driving 110 in a 80-90 km4 T9 K+ _' r+ a
zone, you are considered a road hazard and will be "flipped off"
u1 E& _- p4 X; ]& Haccordingly. If you return the flip, you'll be shot.
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11 . For winter driving, it is advisable to wear your parka, toque, fur n1 _2 U9 b0 H: t
lined mittens and mukluks. Make sure you have a shovel, food, candle and
' b+ r2 u( Y' E; @7 @' r, m7 p4 q7 oblankets in the vehicle, as snow removal from the city streets is
' [ Y, ?8 J9 l2 j0 K* H* Mvirtually non-existent until the spring thaw. |
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发表于 2007-10-11 19:09
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发表于 2007-10-11 19:51
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