Modern Definitions

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The Washington Post publishes a yearly contest in which readers are asked to invent alternate meanings for various words.
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' K1 i# D, A; d6 H$ q0 p+ JThe following were some of this year’s winning entries:
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0 T5 b% U) L( A- X7 p2 `1. Coffee (n.), a person who is coughed upon.

4 s; V0 \7 V4 o" K- Q2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have .

7 L1 Y; \' b! k3. Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

- D+ f- S. |7 A& n# m/ y  Q4. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.

' y! [% _5 D! ]) D5. Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent
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+ C2 G2 [* G3 C: Z- x+ w7 F( g4 I6. Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absentmindedly answer the door in your nightie.
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) ^, ~0 G& w" {/ J7. Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.

, h* f. l3 r! L" H; r8. Gargoyle (n.), an olive-flavoured mouthwash.

9. Flatulence (n.) the emergency vehicle that picks you up after you are run over by a steamroller.

9 T5 b$ \" t2 L* i10. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.
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11. Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.
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( P& t! A$ O- x: ]12. Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified demeanour assumed by a proctologist immediately before he examines you.
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8 }/ {; R" n6 Z0 H& N13. Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddish expressions.

% h/ n8 g2 h% G* w) c5 Z7 [/ k14. Circumvent (n.), the opening in the front of boxer shorts.

. Z7 F! n6 b1 C& p15. Frisbeetarianism (n.), The belief that, when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck there.
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16. Pokemon (n.), A Jamaican proctologist.