Crazy English! Zt

victorw

ZT


Crazy English!

We'll begin with a box, and the plural is boxes; But the plural of ox became oxen not oxes.

One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese, Yet the plural of moose should never be meese.

5 Q$ ?, l2 m8 S) x) e4 `You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of mice; Yet the plural of house is houses, not hice.
) `' t+ u5 z0 U+ E
( e+ M/ ?$ R# \$ }9 PIf the plural of man is always called men, Why shouldn't the plural of pan be called pen?
+ ?1 v$ {3 P  A$ ^" F
/ h; D0 y! ~5 O( k6 FIf I spoke of my foot and show you my feet, And I give you a boot, would a pair be a beet?
( z. |  u! B# J
If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth, Why shouldn't the plural of booths be called beet?
( E# G7 d8 [8 o& f8 V) Y6 p! `
5 `" q+ a: s6 G2 h4 W' s' ^/ E4 PThen one may be that, and three would be those, Yet hat in the plural would never be hose, and the plural of cat is cats, not cose.
9 Z2 |9 x" t/ L, }. L
We speak of a brother and also of brethren, But though we say mother, we never say methren.
7 C1 V. M# h. X% P, z$ W) \
2 _% L0 i/ j/ i. l# L0 N! IThen the masculine pronouns are he, his and him, But imagine the feminine, she, shis and shim.
* D$ M1 O+ s. X
' n0 G) g+ ^; x3 B0 oLet's face it, English is a crazy language!
* e& J' A' B) q  k1 e
: Z# y; o8 M) U: U5 ?4 n5 Y) T  [There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in a hamburger; Neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England.
4 D( }0 E1 p. T0 c1 \
And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, Grocers done groce and hammers don't hamm?
: M  t8 @4 L' e- G
2 g4 `+ L, m7 m" n& mDoesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends, but not one amend?
* f( e) K! W% [2 J5 q
: q: {6 _7 E/ d$ A* {# LIf you have a bunch of odds & ends, And get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?
& _# r* a; J+ M9 d8 c6 X; V. _
6 }1 ~5 t' A) s& L* `* P, VIf teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught?
8 N7 }* o% {, H' l2 e+ f
If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?

In what other language do people recite at a play and play at a recital?

Ship by truck and send cargo by ship?
6 m6 r8 X3 o7 L
Have noses that run and feet that smell?

: \' i% n5 ^: w- e$ v5 ]5 THow can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?
) A: B$ ?7 Z: N
/ K* F" S& a/ s+ a: i/ P- QYou have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your
House burns down; in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which an alarm goes off by going on!

Sometimes, I think all the folks who grew up speaking English Should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane