我今天刚写的英文诗, 高手给提提意见

我在故我思

Falling in love

$ z/ f% n* O1 i- U& LI fell in love with you
- H% e$ V. R& ]( B3 l) fAt the first week we met
9 s: j6 J) s# L9 b5 r* z% p
You have charm, you have looks
with full of pimples in face
6 W! G3 g  S, \% I* OAs spotting sky at a summer night
They are shining stars

$ v# g& N8 H7 H/ d2 N+ A2 }# `2 HYour lip is so big
And that’s good for a kiss
. A8 n1 V; t) o, [7 w# [Your body is chubby
* I/ h7 U9 v0 t: @8 M! xAnd that is good for sex
5 R: U5 o1 A8 x- {1 W& R# B
: [+ L7 f( F: V' Q% PI was deeply in love
( E1 ~( G' g; zEverything from you is positive
You blame me everything and everyday
And I think all girls sound like
' l% i+ w2 b* X, G) n+ W
You could not stand my eating
Saying no good for making funny sound
I think you are perfectly right
* D) J. g' A. s& |4 f8 q- AEating with sound is a pig
* v7 B( q1 |6 l% D6 C1 D
I fell in love with you
Become a fool to think
All trouble things you did
And that is the price for love
7 {8 T0 R. O/ S* O; f+ i
; ^4 g; y( A! S1 n5 D6 _you are deeply in love
Everything from me is negative
"My man should be like this,
and I am helping you to improve'

You are loving me
6 r8 i8 {' B1 U+ ]1 }1 s6 wor that one in your mind?
( |. p7 [, P8 N5 `6 oMy mind is like a mud
) W5 B8 w* Z1 ]- scan be shaped whatever you want
7 v% O' }1 G5 N* j
unfortunalety not my heart
It is slashed by you
and I am seriously hurt
1 T- O' h8 t) J& m
6 T+ W! w. `! u7 ?I will never love another
If my heart can be fixed

冰山上的来客

my english is so poor, can't understand your meaning.

米兔丫

这个，能不能叫情人眼里出西施，连小痘痘都升级作STAR了＝。＝

犀牛图拉

我在故我思

原帖由 冰山上的来客 于 2008-12-21 19:53 发表
; s1 i! }0 B5 A$ Umy english is so poor, can't understand your meaning.

0 r9 g* c: Q/ s$ e  x
咱可是请高手指点, 你都不明白, 我看就算了吧

肆贰叁

配上卡萨布兰卡的旋律就可以唱了，呵呵

我在故我思

楼上, 卡萨布兰卡的歌好听吗?

raymont

强！强！强！SEX!SEX!SEX!
不过像我这种对中文诗都没有什么研究的人，对贵作就更不敢胡言乱语啦！顶一下。

therainbow

sweeite,
- w0 F9 k/ ]% ^# p( e/ a& W: {i am sorry to say that ur poem sucks.
And this is something I change. Whatever left r too sucky to be changed
- u0 V% `3 O- V; |2 m1 B8 A# K
& W; A8 a1 L% v" ]with the charm,
with the simles.
I fell in love with you
In the first sign.
  ?  P( m' T6 ~# T: z7 S9 CAs spotting sky at a summer
. }; p9 u5 H- l# n
. X- G9 u# w+ p7 HYour lip is so soft
there is not honey can sweeter than ur kiss
0 c0 N# x5 c# T' A$ N" j- ~/ B" kYour body is so sexy
0 G& J3 ?2 t3 ]5 p3 t: V" s* ?3 Y, F* ~And I cannt image the moment I  touch u.
/ ]# e% h& U. W! K$ t3 {$ t/ S
7 H* ^1 a+ D+ e9 RI am deeply in love
Everything from you is so charming
although You r so picky for me
And I take them as ur buttefly feelings.

therainbow

THis is the poem in SNTC S2 and it is not a good one 2.
) o5 d9 ?% s0 k2 J7 {But u can copy the way how she ranges the poem

6 U9 m3 q% [) e* W
His hello is the end of her endings
Her laugh is their first step down  the aisle
' ]* v- V0 E8 d+ ^His hand would be hers to hold forever
* g7 X: B3 n/ Z% _5 t1 w4 G, |! D' mHis forever is simply as her smile
He said she was what was missing
) u" q8 w& A1 V" Y# q5 FShe said instantly she knew
She was a question to be answered
( _, b* R7 H3 P# }( b0 S8 b$ eAnd his answer is
I do

我在故我思

Rain bow, you are so right. You improved it , and now it is much better. Seems you also like poems. that is good and wish to keep in touch with each other. Merry Xmas

+ r; Z4 B  e; i6 u8 I+ hBelow is my new one, any comment?

我在故我思

It’s amazing how I felt
! j$ x9 X. p3 j; O: I" i
It's amazing how I felt
  X! @. C! F9 b7 Nwhen I was with you
9 R1 x2 `! O. bMy heart beat so fast
0 o8 t& Q* M( K; }8 Y) S  l7 Y0 V1 }I looked at you and thought
+ k; K  {( B3 h6 o6 IHoly Jesus, you were so cute

You left me without a word
I have nothing except my emptiness
My mood is like a cloud
How could it be dispersed?

% H5 n6 R% n+ ]' F2 u8 QFeelings bite my heart
You are the right one I wait
In the depth of my soul
I will love you till I'm dead

therainbow

闻一多怎么说来着,诗歌有音乐美,建筑美,绘画美
- c) d! @( ]; K& k3 p5 e* e8 ]你的就是白花文,而且很多英文的用法根本不地道
就和用中文写一次
$ a  c! I) G8 ]+ C7 h, ^& ?. x阿,我爱你
你让我心跳好快
你让我脸发热
# v: K. k+ y! B' x  j" C我爱上你的大嘴唇
XXXXX
, i# Z6 d5 g3 M& P) g% F: ^/ M不知道你能不能受得了这样的中文呢?
4 D4 Y  a, O& P! {1 x
如果你写得如此白话文的话,不如向你喜欢的女子写封LOVE LETTER
* X1 z7 v1 W( G/ Q" V至于,你最缺乏的意境,强烈要求你参考我给你贴的诗歌, 看看别人怎么用最白话的文字,写出有绘画美,建筑美和音乐美的东西

蓝言雪

楼主的湿，绝对要赞一个，那叫做雷死人不要钱！强就一个字！！！！

我在故我思

原帖由 therainbow 于 2008-12-24 15:24 发表
4 m3 g- x* U( z: f( `6 W闻一多怎么说来着,诗歌有音乐美,建筑美,绘画美
0 b! N. H- U7 z% D1 l你的就是白花文,而且很多英文的用法根本不地道
4 ]5 E: v9 a5 f5 `就和用中文写一次
阿,我爱你
你让我心跳好快
. n' z5 ]3 Q( `& |8 \& j7 i你让我脸发热
0 M1 M% b- B7 T4 o" K! b/ j& g我爱上你的大嘴唇
3 `( [& Z$ s' j8 hXXXXX
不知道你能不能受得了这样的 ...

靠, 你要是不爱女人的厚嘴唇和性感的身体的话, 难道你会爱女人的脚趾头和胳胳窝不成?

therainbow

恩,我无语了

ram

这也叫诗,勇气大大的.

费莫

Match the following Song! Casablanca.
4 M  D, y& I8 }' Y2 R

爱中成长

竟陵残雪

码字能连句，转行也成诗。。。