我今天刚写的英文诗, 高手给提提意见

我在故我思

Falling in love
! r; D& a; f) M& W
5 s) v# W6 ?, |/ E2 y8 |I fell in love with you
, I  r7 Q% M2 `- L. q8 BAt the first week we met

0 D, \) M  p1 F0 k/ B6 iYou have charm, you have looks
- J( }# Y( @; g/ m8 {' a1 iwith full of pimples in face
/ L5 A8 m3 O! H) @; F; k+ rAs spotting sky at a summer night
5 Q! Z0 Y+ F( g7 c/ C9 ~2 OThey are shining stars

Your lip is so big
7 l. \( l" e- T6 RAnd that’s good for a kiss
Your body is chubby
" k; j) u' _6 P0 KAnd that is good for sex
% Q* [+ H1 C: ~# W+ {# g! p
" v6 p4 ]2 f+ O: ~; W4 F6 }I was deeply in love
Everything from you is positive
* x* x% ]5 g8 g) LYou blame me everything and everyday
And I think all girls sound like
: R7 ^; A8 }) V( N$ d8 z
" T2 P3 `- S1 H0 u( a$ B3 a0 o; oYou could not stand my eating
Saying no good for making funny sound
( X2 _0 i6 c2 _/ y2 o& VI think you are perfectly right
3 V. b, }: I: z+ Q7 L& lEating with sound is a pig

I fell in love with you
Become a fool to think
  w2 @0 R( d3 K: }8 MAll trouble things you did
And that is the price for love

0 l* g; ]: T  n6 o' A' Wyou are deeply in love
0 u, w7 W' b- P7 u1 q+ e7 BEverything from me is negative
"My man should be like this,
and I am helping you to improve'

4 f2 x7 n5 {% @" {! u% XYou are loving me
or that one in your mind?
$ S8 m# u6 c/ A! j2 S! RMy mind is like a mud
; x- L3 O7 Q8 F3 wcan be shaped whatever you want
5 i5 w" _' B' n* H- D, t1 x
unfortunalety not my heart
It is slashed by you
and I am seriously hurt

: W: n* R! G6 L+ eI will never love another
If my heart can be fixed

冰山上的来客

my english is so poor, can't understand your meaning.

米兔丫

这个，能不能叫情人眼里出西施，连小痘痘都升级作STAR了＝。＝

犀牛图拉

我在故我思

原帖由 冰山上的来客 于 2008-12-21 19:53 发表
: s' A" g, d) ^) gmy english is so poor, can't understand your meaning.

咱可是请高手指点, 你都不明白, 我看就算了吧

肆贰叁

配上卡萨布兰卡的旋律就可以唱了，呵呵

我在故我思

楼上, 卡萨布兰卡的歌好听吗?

raymont

强！强！强！SEX!SEX!SEX!
$ g7 I* d: ^8 n! a9 c9 i/ l不过像我这种对中文诗都没有什么研究的人，对贵作就更不敢胡言乱语啦！顶一下。

therainbow

sweeite,
% l9 [# a( _1 |$ Yi am sorry to say that ur poem sucks.
& H1 u" M2 |# j( {' JAnd this is something I change. Whatever left r too sucky to be changed

with the charm,
with the simles.
I fell in love with you
6 {; r  _# `  mIn the first sign.
" b# V% d" K: p, s  AAs spotting sky at a summer
- E8 v" B2 ]. H8 n5 M( O1 V' z& E
! q4 z) X. z( o' ]Your lip is so soft
there is not honey can sweeter than ur kiss
; _4 I1 h& N, V& ?1 `: a! [Your body is so sexy
And I cannt image the moment I  touch u.

I am deeply in love
$ J4 j/ S& Z. c+ FEverything from you is so charming
although You r so picky for me
- Q2 c* r; M0 k' ~& N6 e7 JAnd I take them as ur buttefly feelings.

therainbow

THis is the poem in SNTC S2 and it is not a good one 2.
But u can copy the way how she ranges the poem


  {8 e1 c. I, cHis hello is the end of her endings
3 X: z) N/ v, D+ p* ?% b0 P- G+ dHer laugh is their first step down  the aisle
/ P( {0 g+ P+ _4 B) k0 mHis hand would be hers to hold forever
His forever is simply as her smile
3 e; {8 S( w; a/ {# J1 V+ EHe said she was what was missing
, p7 X+ k+ c3 a, p! `5 x3 e/ JShe said instantly she knew
She was a question to be answered
And his answer is
1 S) H# a( k/ L& S# FI do

我在故我思

Rain bow, you are so right. You improved it , and now it is much better. Seems you also like poems. that is good and wish to keep in touch with each other. Merry Xmas
2 V! J: {! C. Z+ y$ k
4 j: m* s. j4 yBelow is my new one, any comment?

我在故我思

It’s amazing how I felt

It's amazing how I felt
) K% b/ t0 L. b5 rwhen I was with you
/ P: N9 }0 @% A. Q; N3 ?My heart beat so fast
6 _  P  @* }: D9 X  kI looked at you and thought
0 u$ R7 D0 U: S+ {3 t' n0 n3 JHoly Jesus, you were so cute
/ X% @3 g2 U7 b( |
You left me without a word
I have nothing except my emptiness
My mood is like a cloud
5 h+ A6 j: |: G3 X- M# I3 LHow could it be dispersed?
% i3 }6 s0 j6 Z6 V% X: k5 b$ }
Feelings bite my heart
You are the right one I wait
In the depth of my soul
! a% e( K6 w% K. F5 L% ~I will love you till I'm dead

therainbow

闻一多怎么说来着,诗歌有音乐美,建筑美,绘画美
# A5 V% Z8 ?- W$ _+ b! W$ j你的就是白花文,而且很多英文的用法根本不地道
就和用中文写一次
( g4 E* p3 c) G4 t: A/ `6 Q0 Z阿,我爱你
5 q' ]+ {4 k( q: N/ C你让我心跳好快
你让我脸发热
% u" I# N: b  u我爱上你的大嘴唇
XXXXX
不知道你能不能受得了这样的中文呢?
1 }; S  M4 v6 L' A2 C
- i+ |8 U+ E4 G: w& b( l% @如果你写得如此白话文的话,不如向你喜欢的女子写封LOVE LETTER
3 Q  @2 q' V& `, {8 ]至于,你最缺乏的意境,强烈要求你参考我给你贴的诗歌, 看看别人怎么用最白话的文字,写出有绘画美,建筑美和音乐美的东西

蓝言雪

楼主的湿，绝对要赞一个，那叫做雷死人不要钱！强就一个字！！！！

我在故我思

原帖由 therainbow 于 2008-12-24 15:24 发表
0 Y; e5 F! e# |7 B* J9 Z闻一多怎么说来着,诗歌有音乐美,建筑美,绘画美
6 E' }+ c: X" o你的就是白花文,而且很多英文的用法根本不地道
* M8 g  s( r3 H- k( F: {就和用中文写一次
3 k9 @1 [( _: U# i- F阿,我爱你
你让我心跳好快
你让我脸发热
我爱上你的大嘴唇
XXXXX
不知道你能不能受得了这样的 ...

8 r" T9 @( U! F# \& L, E靠, 你要是不爱女人的厚嘴唇和性感的身体的话, 难道你会爱女人的脚趾头和胳胳窝不成?

therainbow

恩,我无语了

ram

这也叫诗,勇气大大的.

费莫

Match the following Song! Casablanca.
5 i% ?3 A3 \) e5 C2 `! `

爱中成长

竟陵残雪

码字能连句，转行也成诗。。。