Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:
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5 W; ]9 U9 `0 K) ~; K! S: q1 ^CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
" R3 a6 L0 w) e& _5 b/ p" RCFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

& T- A5 a5 |- I" r8 SBULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
( U4 j' u; b: L/ ~$ HBEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
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VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
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P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
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- c5 f, I4 O6 l+ D5 X% fBROKER -- What my broker has made me.
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0 M( \6 i7 B2 H+ ]+ k5 l2 [8 sSTANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

! L2 C9 f% S3 R, iSTOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

/ G% u8 i0 h! x' G/ \( FFINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
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; t. B# N( t- f" HCASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
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! ]$ q7 \& R( ?& sYAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
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0 ]+ H6 t4 d; a1 k. {9 i+ SWINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
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; H: i: ^0 O' Z7 P3 mINSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

- n4 L, O9 g+ [& l/ S! kPROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
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  d& Z6 t/ D1 NIf you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
4 j) M1 p8 I: u6 v  a  r1 `9 SWith Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
- h! B- c, ^- K* VWith AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
; G; J: \4 C2 }' O( @& _2 _2 D9 PBut, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

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# ]1 B8 |, f- ^2 _7 S4 bWhat is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?

                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.

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9 P. I' V+ z+ l0 Q0 u8 B9 R( aPoliticians and diapers have one thing in common...   
     
                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵