Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:
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CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
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BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
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7 i3 T  x% \9 h$ C4 F7 p& wVALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

BROKER -- What my broker has made me.
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STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
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STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

6 f& X7 N  f% f# U' s5 jMARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

% R% n- k% z, _+ d/ p( \) R' wCASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
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YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
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' Z& E. l: L" @0 NINSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

( i1 Z+ u& w! @* T4 c, ePROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.

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6 X  [/ v. {9 ?8 j# Z) QIf you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
0 g' ^" G! U* X7 z1 B5 w7 SBut, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
, o) ?  h; a$ LBased on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
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What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
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6 I7 D3 i7 Z4 V+ {- n) U- W                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.

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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
     
5 c7 U. n+ g* B3 G' A! Y2 ], i0 D                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵