Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:

% b: i1 J" m' b7 ECEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
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BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
) m* g; X$ B% F5 W6 rBEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

* V; r1 Z  y. V+ P/ s. tP/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

7 w* ?" g6 j4 z2 qBROKER -- What my broker has made me.

- Y9 f, Q; j8 G: Q9 D4 |STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
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( i+ W5 q* i7 D5 FSTOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
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STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

& n/ s, `7 {! tMARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
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1 x* l7 Q2 w* u0 K8 V4 BCASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

$ T* Q: @* [2 Q. @6 e+ |YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
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WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

& C0 H( m! O1 \INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
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PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
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! H/ o8 p9 |  ]! fIf you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
9 E5 t5 i5 C3 @- g# Y& @" qWith AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
/ ^& k2 }3 [# t- R7 J0 i% zBut, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
' ^& `. z6 a4 N9 Z' K5 B! G" u6 @Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.
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What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?

( l4 t% H5 L5 b2 k6 G! Q                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.

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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
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# b* j0 B' U7 X8 a* d1 H3 Z% p                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵