Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:

CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.

: \) ^7 N& d' H* m: F3 OBULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
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: t' R/ K8 N6 }P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

BROKER -- What my broker has made me.

% Y& P# r, D. S6 e& |# QSTANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
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% E4 H) G5 Y' y) D3 ?* d9 KSTOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
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5 l$ R- z5 Y7 ^: \  y$ TFINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

# ]3 C1 S' h1 t! o! z) g. @MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

0 y: g1 G! c/ t8 I. pCASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

1 ^3 T# J! l$ S8 _" |* I5 rYAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
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+ M# C, z+ R2 U" ?2 xWINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.

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If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
: _! k/ \: u8 W9 z( y) IBut, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
1 }: z( m) Z; p- `Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

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What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
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                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.

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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
     
8 ~% W* @; x% I; K7 v7 _/ v                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵