Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:
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CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
CFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
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BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.
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P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
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6 q% x9 A+ T9 d/ r+ m* YBROKER -- What my broker has made me.

STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
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STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
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STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
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( i3 l7 r7 Y) KFINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
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% _- W% l6 D, ]  W* j+ s! T& R/ D, KMARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

) u5 C0 h* ^9 _$ B6 o) Y# ^3 e$ oPROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
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" {, \5 c" \0 O( }' ^6 H5 a. DIf you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
3 ~" Y+ Y, H: B% X1 ~- T' _With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
* ^1 \' p! p0 s6 cBut, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
! ?3 m* E( d( [. C7 T" z' nBased on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

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: t3 z4 ^& e& \' w7 |6 w3 j3 hWhat is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?

1 e5 j2 @" o7 r7 h                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
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' T9 G; B( y6 f+ f4 _Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
     
8 ]% n4 N8 ~+ M                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵