Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:
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" i  n0 u8 n" M+ NCEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
, h) w& M& l, O$ c- z0 p. ~, qCFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
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BULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

- p7 x8 s& G% W- ?VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

! [4 r2 {1 u' a- mP/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

BROKER -- What my broker has made me.
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: H; `6 r* u9 p/ ?/ s+ e8 \STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

' [/ _& I' g8 r8 d5 B% W( A- GSTOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

/ @, H/ D/ {2 X1 @% b/ d" [MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

3 R. q6 p, \) S% L4 YCASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

% s, V0 P6 {: \4 t5 _. y6 d1 g, GYAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

; Y5 t5 t0 _9 Q/ b! H* u9 K( R9 qWINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.

) n0 |5 G' c5 tPROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
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# J9 `  A0 D2 Y9 a7 D: y( LIf you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

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What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?

) J( g( d$ k- G+ a8 I! [' `                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
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6 V5 L9 H0 C" l1 Y. ?                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵