Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:
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CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
( ~5 }- M+ G* r! KCFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
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) x% B  h1 e9 t& j2 n7 uBULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
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VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.

BROKER -- What my broker has made me.

STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.

STOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

' Q: F. y+ c1 RMARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.

5 t/ H% B# _- I4 H1 \CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

+ i6 ?/ B% b9 r# GYAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
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8 V* ?/ m# a7 _, WWINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
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PROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.
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If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
; O* H" J6 z8 iWith AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
Based on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

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What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?
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                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
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8 F" W# E3 ]6 @; Z/ K# ]3 j# B! Z$ rPoliticians and diapers have one thing in common...   
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2 V  _0 ]: T; w% k* H5 h% @                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵