Some finance humour

wpbaby

New Stock Market Terms:

CEO -- Chief Embezzlement Officer.
2 K+ s2 x( ~" D! v1 BCFO -- Corporate Fraud Officer.
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  w. E8 Z/ }; w# A( Y1 I) FBULL MARKET -- A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
. x" i, P# f4 g$ DBEAR MARKET -- A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

VALUE INVESTING -- The art of buying low and selling lower.

P/E RATIO -- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
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BROKER -- What my broker has made me.
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STANDARD & POOR -- Your life in a nutshell.
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; S1 V+ H; w0 f/ k: K  a1 mSTOCK ANALYST -- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
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STOCK SPLIT -- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
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FINANCIAL PLANNER -- A guy whose phone has been disconnected.

MARKET CORRECTION -- The day after you buy stocks.
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CASH FLOW -- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
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YAHOO -- What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

WINDOWS 2000 -- What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
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INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR -- Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
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# U8 m8 L6 C* ]1 jPROFIT -- an archaic word no longer in use.

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If you had purchased $1,000 of Delta Air Lines stock one year ago, you would have $49 left.
. V) D2 A1 f: W0 M4 J6 T' }- `With Fannie Mae, you would have $2.50 left of the original $1,000.
With AIG, you would have less than $15 left.
* b0 ~2 O& m% S! t9 C% r  [But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drunk all of the beer, then turned in the cans for the aluminum recycling REFUND, you would have $214 cash.
9 o" J2 S0 {: v* N! wBased on the above, the best current investment advice is to drink heavily and recycle.

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What is the difference between a Wall Street Stockbroker and a pigeon?

& Z2 }. b* U' i                A pigeon can still make a deposit on a Mercedes.
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Politicians and diapers have one thing in common...   
     
; Y9 t1 s) w  g* P6 A                    ...they should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.

wpbaby

大周末的，乐呵乐呵