Have you ever wondered why foreigners have trouble with the English Language?6 C& o8 E' I4 ~$ ]( m# ~
% X {: U7 R; Q9 x% s1 n( j+ a: bLet's face it& L9 J/ W9 H, S( C
English is a stupid language.6 h6 q! H% f* S% u* b
There is no egg in the eggplant8 h3 ?3 n4 ?# v1 E
No ham in the hamburger2 h) q$ M; A: ^9 L
And neither pine nor apple in the pineapple. 2 x8 m& w8 o6 v; [3 U9 I O& c( |& rEnglish muffins were not invented in England 8 R7 C# X8 m* B) x) V) DFrench fries were not invented in France. s/ `$ _3 Y0 B& X% J; v
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We sometimes take English for granted2 G( |! r. `! H! H7 {- V3 h: O
But if we examine its paradoxes we find that9 J1 f/ |/ v; u4 t2 h$ L. y. y& }" I2 `
Quicksand takes you down slowly+ D/ }9 j. n) z9 u( _5 C6 S
Boxing rings are square/ ~5 {6 C" W: T$ |- z0 n- w
And a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig. ! r% q# {2 J- @# V! V
6 V* X- [7 @5 t# y9 RIf writers write, how come fingers don't fing. 5 C* N$ x& ]7 YIf the plural of tooth is teeth $ }* G. @5 p; Z+ I* h( t4 eShouldn't the plural of phone booth be phone beeth4 T4 ~7 @3 T- n E
If the teacher taught," L7 [9 J7 m8 {) n6 m& R
Why didn't the preacher praught. ; g3 I! t9 V6 [" g) L + k3 @3 u8 r1 z7 hIf a vegetarian eats vegetables * k; X9 v# E# \What the heck does a humanitarian eat!? # A' Q3 j; h" m# C+ UWhy do people recite at a play. I Q7 @( ?& z! z
Yet play at a recital? + L t0 C$ U {2 F3 v4 UPark on driveways and- g0 [5 f8 I6 h2 s( o/ y' g
Drive on parkways 0 K+ g# i" w' G" q ; c7 P; U- Y: Y3 M2 @, A. ^+ tYou have to marvel at the unique lunacy% ?( _6 V$ K- J% l& U7 P4 e
Of a language where a house can burn up as, c" I- p6 @# y8 [: q0 n+ ^
It burns down3 B. l7 s; ?) D$ s/ d3 V
And in which you fill in a form 6 x# v8 \/ X4 V+ \; a1 D; gBy filling it out5 }) G6 e2 ^7 W% N/ Y( ]8 \ {/ j
And a bell is only heard once it goes! 3 v9 X% {7 f3 d5 i, ^7 a 2 ?- J; K% d" P4 ^$ V. v+ L! d7 x5 ?! ^English was invented by people, not computers; b0 ~! [: Q& @* t! F$ U
And it reflects the creativity of the human race 6 T; E* ^4 J& z' B2 r: I, W# H(Which of course isn't a race at all) 8 O$ ]$ e0 `' Q! a) c; K7 B$ E, S# k# ~* X. v
That is why " }% E0 i& Z# `$ h' hWhen the stars are out they are visible " [. J; K% i; R+ RBut when the lights are out they are invisible . O Z; D% Q( X9 { f) GAnd why it is that when I wind up my watch( K) S; h, } ^% h+ h0 N
It starts4 |1 z/ N" m0 L/ x! r6 y# ?6 Y
But when I wind up this observation, ! T5 n: X+ i8 D/ DIt ends.