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Have you ever wondered why foreigners have trouble with the English Language?6 n0 Z- [1 O. g: R# J
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Let's face it
( j% d5 n6 o6 i' T( ]' {0 z1 n1 SEnglish is a stupid language.
' }+ b/ r$ M6 d' y# H5 [4 L+ ~There is no egg in the eggplant
6 b5 G# U0 @; w/ S6 h, r% sNo ham in the hamburger: K( M5 g. S# J5 B; z
And neither pine nor apple in the pineapple.& \3 G! m: n3 k- I |& u) C
English muffins were not invented in England
4 h0 ]+ b1 o3 {2 V1 \French fries were not invented in France.
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* u4 W6 B' l/ r# S7 A, @We sometimes take English for granted5 w) A0 E C/ m) {4 M) k
But if we examine its paradoxes we find that
2 x9 @3 g) m) o+ k- C- J; u7 J7 BQuicksand takes you down slowly% O( [0 T8 J" Z( H; y- M, |4 d7 b
Boxing rings are square; \8 r0 o2 k {4 v. E
And a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
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If writers write, how come fingers don't fing.
) s+ D, J) K2 b* b }If the plural of tooth is teeth
* u" D9 m/ y, t# v* Q6 |Shouldn't the plural of phone booth be phone beeth
1 @% t7 o! I/ H5 o7 h( ~! @5 ]If the teacher taught,4 O& k/ Q \1 ?: v! v6 m* ^
Why didn't the preacher praught.
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If a vegetarian eats vegetables
: Q# W% V8 f/ p4 [3 t; A, sWhat the heck does a humanitarian eat!?8 Z2 N. q6 B5 i* k, j3 T; F
Why do people recite at a play d; Q5 }, D+ H8 ^8 L/ `$ O. T' w f+ B
Yet play at a recital?0 I$ ]3 t" A& g! L5 ~( h' y
Park on driveways and( E1 L7 N4 I, n" z! ?4 e f6 }
Drive on parkways
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You have to marvel at the unique lunacy
' a5 d, B$ k% k- tOf a language where a house can burn up as# r2 ~3 r3 z0 E
It burns down
: T& k/ w" o3 ` T) `* C" xAnd in which you fill in a form
' T n9 o4 v7 `7 f9 QBy filling it out
: ^# E5 Q; V0 w& j9 @. NAnd a bell is only heard once it goes!
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2 Z+ N0 g9 V" i: d) a$ K' S* vEnglish was invented by people, not computers3 e* Y0 a9 d1 n, h' B( @
And it reflects the creativity of the human race, E- i, f/ |1 `# |7 M* [
(Which of course isn't a race at all)0 m$ `0 o& M$ V0 ]9 N3 P
9 z' i$ V. s9 t3 [That is why4 D( u) U1 `/ e9 Z" r
When the stars are out they are visible, k9 D" y. s' U0 K* I# t3 T' T \
But when the lights are out they are invisible
$ {. f4 S! q/ f; GAnd why it is that when I wind up my watch+ Z! |2 _0 J0 C) O
It starts
( A6 {# n" X$ P6 g/ DBut when I wind up this observation,8 E) ?4 J& V+ i$ y) g& I; B! c7 h
It ends. |
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