weekend happyness

ares4p

A shepherd was herding his flock in a remote pasture when suddenly a brand-new
BMW advanced out of the dust cloud towards him. The driver, a young man in a
Broni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban sunglasses and YSL tie, leaned out the window
and asked the shepherd, "If I tell you exactly how many sheep you have in your
2 o9 r! M4 f  hflock, will you give me one?"
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The shepherd looked at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looked at his
peacefully-grazing flock and calmly answered, "Sure."

The yuppie parked his car, whipped out his IBM ThinkPad and connected it to a
cell phone, then he surfed to a NASA page on the internet where he called up a
- h* J$ T5 f7 [3 `  kGPS satellite navigation system, scanned the area, and then opened up a database
9 `/ N* W8 W9 b8 k$ e  C: n* dand an Excel spreadsheet with complex formulas. He sent an email on his
Blackberry and, after a few minutes, received a response. Finally, he prints out
a 130 page report on his miniaturized printer then turns to the shepherd and
says,"You have exactly 1586 sheep".

) X8 L) ?7 ~  h  Y& V"That is correct; take one of the sheep" said the shepherd.
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He watches the young man select one of the animals and bundle it into his
car.
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Then the shepherd says: "If I can tell you exactly what your business
is, will you give me back my animal?"
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8 L! U: r% ]3 w. A( k" L"OK, why not" answered the young man.
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"Clearly, you are a consultant" said the shepherd.

4 ~8 `3 D) B0 A9 h: I' w* W( R"That's correct" says the yuppie, "but how did you guess that?"

7 k  ^% a( s* R$ m"No guessing required" answers the shepherd. "You turned up here although
nobody called you. You want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a
question I never asked, and you don't know crap about my business.... Now give
- ?" ?" v7 L5 ime back my dog".

ares4p

a woman walks into a supermarket, and notices a male customer whose zipper is
9 Z& i- D4 v3 a# O2 ]& mundone. The woman kindly says" excuse me sir,but your barracks doors are open".
Not having a clue what the woman was talking about he continued shopping. A few
; e& D0 r  |) m3 E/ f) p" W8 Emoments later another customer approached the man and explained that his zipper
was undone. The man zipped up and continued his shopping. At the checkout he ran
. [# f& L: j2 y1 Q. b: V. N9 O4 B& @into the woman who originally informed him of his zipper.He decides to play into
her unusual comment; "excuse me maam, when you noticed my barracks door was
open, did you happen to see a soldier standing at full attention?" The woman
responded by saying " no, all i saw was a disabled vet sitting on two duffle
bags"

ares4p

Three couples were married and stayed at the same hotel for their honeymoons,
& e1 E* G7 e6 a) u- @. `where they were all taken care of by Dave the Bellboy.

The first man married a nurse.
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Dave showed them to their room and thought to himself, "What a lucky guy.
Nurses are known to be hot to trot".
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  ^* A. ^6 T. }3 F; AThe second man married a telephone operator.
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Dave showed them to their room and thought to himself,?Wow, he's a lucky one.
Telephone operators have sexy voices and once you pop that top
% Q6 a; M. u+ ?: R0 Cbutton...A-bomb.?
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) s0 _- L1 F/ e6 oThe third man married a school teacher.

% M# f* X$ r  t! a9 i' D' O6 c- RDave showed them to their room and thought to himself, "Poor guy, she's pretty
  Z$ Z5 b6 Z9 L9 v  }; W, o+ Gbut teachers are just too frigid".

The next morning, Dave reported to work at 5:30 in the morning. He expected
only the teacher's husband to call for breakfast any minute and the other two
! B4 d( O( H0 Q5 J6 Iwould call much later in the day.

. i& w4 |! o$ _. o; }* {" F3 ^At 6:00 a.m. the phone rang. It was the nurse's husband wanting breakfast. The
nurse's husband opened the door and Dave stepped back in shock. The man's
' T2 a+ ?8 @4 O! }2 H. Epajamas were still pressed and his hair nicely combed.
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Dave asked, "What happened sir? You married a nurse.
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) [/ A; {# K" J$ Z2 Q4 RThe man sourly replies, "Son, don't ever marry a nurse. All I heard last night
; v8 m1 I: K+ B& c0 Vwas her nagging voice saying, 揧ou抮e not sanitary, and you抮e not sanitary."
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At 6:30 a.m., the phone rang again.
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The telephone operator's husband called for breakfast. Dave brought it as fast
  C- k6 E! g9 t6 T; Q6 Fas possible hoping for the best. The man opened the door and Dave stepped back
in shock. The man's hair and pajamas were properly combed and pressed.
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Dave asked," What happened? Telephone operators are supposed to be as sexy as
their voices."
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+ M1 |# T! I* p5 H0 b; Y% @The man sourly replies "Son, don't ever marry a telephone operator. All I
heard last night was her nasal voice saying, "You're three minutes are up, your
1 e# p, S  G+ o; f4 fthree minutes are up."
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Dave went back down to the desk, just knowing the teacher抯 husband would be
6 o* ^- r1 f$ n' lcalling any minute.
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Finally at 4:30 p.m., the teacher's husband called for breakfast.
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Dave can't believe it but quickly took the breakfast to the couple抯 room. The
man opened the door and Dave took a step back in shock. The man was wearing only
his boxers, his hair was a mess, and he had scratch marks on his chest, arms and
legs.

Joe fearing the worst asked 揥hat happened to you? Did you have a
fight?"
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The man smiled and happily replied, "No. Son, when you marry, be sure to marry
7 y; i) G, b+ e" Ma school teacher. All I heard last night was her sexy smooth voice saying "We
; U" I6 f) h7 n" A) T& B! O( Kare going to do this over and over, until we get right."

billzhao

good job! thanks for sharing