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Dress Code: 8 }% O1 P- z4 h/ G
1. You are advised to come to work dressed according to your salary. " X5 R7 x. Z8 ^2 ^( k0 D
2. If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we will assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise.
( y8 J& p1 \7 Q3. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise. # V: N0 J {" p- v1 k( s3 l
4. If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.
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8 c+ \- l- e2 n/ \' E, NSick Days:
9 P3 @7 o5 }& YWe will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work. / |2 _* C( F: }; }+ t" Y
7 n6 Z- K# h5 ~- @Personal Days: " E- j7 K" H1 ~
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturdays & Sundays. 1 N9 O, }" g! @; e. X
- K& C* G) L/ g( q; g+ IBereavement Leave:
* P9 a5 E6 M: W3 Z0 x2 Q1. This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers.
- b1 C' @% M3 y, A# x* G2. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend the funeral arrangements.
: g& r( l3 B+ N2 e6 o1 P3. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late af ternoon.
' J- N8 |$ a/ ^* H2 x4. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.
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f: ]9 F) {* pBathroom Breaks: $ m+ j4 {! q0 s% Q# ~3 n
1. Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls.
4 S/ r' x1 L1 E/ r2. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken. / k1 D5 G4 a3 [5 _: ]: X
3. After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the "Chronic Offenders" category. + X8 K3 p6 g) g# N8 J
4. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the company's mental health policy.
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Lunch Break: + a$ v, s" j; A7 G# A
1. Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy. & D) i2 y E6 |' p
2. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.
6 g) `3 r5 U/ Q3. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast. % c" ]2 ^/ G) L# b5 g
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Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplation s, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere. & n' c# d9 R& {% v& K9 _
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The Management 8 r" ] {4 t8 t7 g) `
5 L9 A" g$ O8 }Pass this on to all who are employed. |
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发表于 2008-8-15 08:41
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