Just For A Laugh : LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON

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LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON
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8 b: y9 }, }4 c$ u8 N; q6 D  _> > > >A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence
> > > >and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on
> > > >little TONY.
# c  ?- B+ R. M% }% {5 D. `> > > >He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."
+ {" {2 t+ Y; [: @9 b/ _. N# n3 ]6 W" `4 ^> > > >The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your
7 D3 ]- w( k; E$ k>thinking."
: I; x; g# o8 F$ @! ~  d6 a  [> > > >Then little TONY says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women
* @$ C5 K2 p9 [, W% X! T> > > >sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the
, Z- V8 A+ b; V) q> > > >sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the
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1 @8 Z, V4 }- t* `+ L! C& ~> > > >top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice
( g6 X* P+ l9 i>cream.
> > > >Which one is married?"
6 A" h$ I  h% r> > > >The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the
2 `( i, L0 V( H- ~" W7 s. l> > > >one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
> > > >To which Little TONY replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with
> > > >the wedding ring on', but I like your thinking."
> > > >
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> > > >
> > > >LITTLE TONY ON MATH
> > > >
> > > >Little TONY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
- B0 z% a6 p) m( R/ _> > > >"Why?" asks the father.
( b3 L: q4 Z7 u7 p- a> > > >"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3', I said '6'," replies TONY.
5 x" g- M0 m2 m) F% B) z' J> > > >"But that's right!" says his dad.
> > > >"Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?' "
0 e+ }; ^8 V0 H/ V> > > >"What's the 法克ing difference?" asks the father.
2 C4 [1 `: Y7 s: `+ t% j9 ?2 d> > > >"That's what I said!"
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON ENGLISH
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' c6 V; S- C0 U  V/ Y/ u> > > >Little TONY goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are
> > > >going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an
7 \$ ]5 u$ }5 c. |( O> > > >example of a multi-syllable word?"
> > > >TONY says "Masturbate."
> > > >Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little TONY, that's a mouthful."
> > > >Little TONY says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."
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> > > >
! T* Z& u' A, x! h+ N1 a( C> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
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* Z5 s0 M5 P1 t9 B> > > >Little TONY was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed
8 _7 y+ L6 A0 A1 K8 u( [5 X% R> > > >to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a
> > > >piss!!"
> > > >The teacher replied, "Now, TONY, that is NOT the proper word to use
> > > >in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate'.
> > > >Please use the word 'urinate' in a sentence correctly, and I will
> > > >allow
4 o. J7 D9 M, O  y: G> > > >you to go."
! J2 c& Q, I6 I' w> > > >Little TONY, thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an eight, but
: P5 y  q! w; h> > > >if you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!"
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> > > >
> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
> > > >
> > > >One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a
> > > >show of hands from those who could use the! Word "beautiful" in the
> > > >same sentence twice.
7 @8 ^, Y! X& l3 u0 B9 Q> > > >First, she called on little Suzy, who responded with, "My father
> > > >bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."
8 }; t! K( ^" k. q. E5 ]3 u& u. u> > > >"Very good, Suzy," replied the teacher. She then called on little
> > > >Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out
> > > >beautifully."
> > > >She said, "Excellent, Michael!" Then the teacher reluctantly
. L; V2 W" [6 U/ h3 L  i> > > >called on little TONY.
. N8 o8 m  g2 v) ]/ ]9 O3 v% g4 G, G> > > >"Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she
. `0 p$ F& \# X  i, F" E> > > >was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just 法克ing beautiful!"
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' C; ^; t9 [6 A$ Y( p2 W> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GETTING OLDER
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> > > >Little TONY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar
> > > >after another. After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him
> > > >said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It
> > > >will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."
> > > >Little TONY replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."
> > > >The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"
4 s2 Y3 ^- P' H- B/ P) y+ h> > > >Little TONY answered, "No, he minded his own 法克ing business