Just For A Laugh : LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON

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LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON
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> > > >A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence
> > > >and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on
' B- \, y' i1 {) |8 @> > > >little TONY.
> > > >He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."
) D6 a0 X$ _9 [> > > >The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your
0 c5 ?& @0 y9 |; }>thinking."
7 K0 Z# S, w+ d) z8 {: V3 x> > > >Then little TONY says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women
6 K3 ]2 i4 T% M> > > >sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the
> > > >sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the
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> > > >top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice
: N% q: Y4 b) n6 q: q' J* i; S8 d& ]>cream.
6 Z0 F( A& ?2 V% U; N> > > >Which one is married?"
2 W" s5 Y$ k" ]0 o; G$ c> > > >The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the
. }+ l5 J" q: P$ j> > > >one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
> > > >To which Little TONY replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with
- |8 ~: p: u2 |# ~2 H# R> > > >the wedding ring on', but I like your thinking."
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON MATH
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& ]; ]' d: C8 Q. D> > > >Little TONY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
& E, r1 v# c' n1 Q0 v> > > >"Why?" asks the father.
' o3 A: r6 b4 a> > > >"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3', I said '6'," replies TONY.
& }' E$ e0 g, V! U, L7 X( E> > > >"But that's right!" says his dad.
> > > >"Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?' "
> > > >"What's the 法克ing difference?" asks the father.
4 a. g- x$ o% L> > > >"That's what I said!"
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6 ]; Q/ i" t: J: Q2 W> > > >LITTLE TONY ON ENGLISH
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> > > >Little TONY goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are
> > > >going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an
$ c5 k% U8 w9 z* i> > > >example of a multi-syllable word?"
+ B% [  N+ }+ b+ p8 a7 }$ N  O> > > >TONY says "Masturbate."
> > > >Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little TONY, that's a mouthful."
> > > >Little TONY says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."
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! z, b0 s2 h( m* ~5 p( e0 s8 o> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
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& Y) ~: o0 u; L  d* N+ l> > > >Little TONY was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed
> > > >to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a
7 }# s) f: Q* ~9 O8 F/ N4 y: F> > > >piss!!"
> > > >The teacher replied, "Now, TONY, that is NOT the proper word to use
> > > >in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate'.
> > > >Please use the word 'urinate' in a sentence correctly, and I will
& K) ?) o. x& e6 m6 L8 n. {& O; D7 X, ^> > > >allow
> > > >you to go."
2 B2 G9 |  c( n$ T6 z7 l> > > >Little TONY, thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an eight, but
> > > >if you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!"
> > > >
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0 E/ ~- V' e6 Y% f* K4 m: h> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
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1 B+ h9 \" x# L> > > >One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a
6 a3 n/ D! F" n0 v> > > >show of hands from those who could use the! Word "beautiful" in the
3 f5 m" \6 g- s  C> > > >same sentence twice.
% x" C" y+ h5 m( u7 w> > > >First, she called on little Suzy, who responded with, "My father
, p3 O" ~: j% b8 X* y+ ^> > > >bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."
& v5 t6 w/ R' B  h- n6 @> > > >"Very good, Suzy," replied the teacher. She then called on little
, b/ j. x/ W- ^> > > >Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out
> > > >beautifully."
> > > >She said, "Excellent, Michael!" Then the teacher reluctantly
: Y) H4 x4 s# r  k  X> > > >called on little TONY.
2 [( V9 J; C6 j1 G+ V; q. h3 E> > > >"Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she
7 [4 T& d% `! _, w+ @# R> > > >was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just 法克ing beautiful!"
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GETTING OLDER
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6 ]" G) |! N% }% N2 p. c3 g> > > >Little TONY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar
> > > >after another. After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him
> > > >said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It
> > > >will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."
> > > >Little TONY replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."
9 r) w- x- `0 z" e; G> > > >The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"
6 _% _! f) y% V0 M' N  E* y> > > >Little TONY answered, "No, he minded his own 法克ing business