Just For A Laugh : LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON

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LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON
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> > > >A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence
> > > >and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on
4 i  l) k4 W  ?" C> > > >little TONY.
> > > >He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."
> > > >The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your
4 m6 w2 l0 r* [, j/ |. Z) X0 R>thinking."
9 Q# t; d! K4 w& x% k> > > >Then little TONY says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women
1 K% x1 R6 \, t9 k; l5 d> > > >sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the
> > > >sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the
>
; w( K5 R$ d9 d- ~4 r& P) @" v4 B> > > >top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice
7 L5 X& K: L& w/ i$ g>cream.
> > > >Which one is married?"
> > > >The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the
& M, p. d+ E) P$ q4 P. z- Z9 j> > > >one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
> > > >To which Little TONY replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with
> > > >the wedding ring on', but I like your thinking."
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2 A+ N) E. M8 l9 \> > > >LITTLE TONY ON MATH
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' Q1 c/ k, _6 k) @+ }( Y' S' [> > > >Little TONY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
  g9 p& [' L; A: a! Z. ^; [* @( @( U> > > >"Why?" asks the father.
" ?' E7 ?: `; M; m> > > >"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3', I said '6'," replies TONY.
" u4 b5 F# H: G; i& f% g: T> > > >"But that's right!" says his dad.
> > > >"Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?' "
> > > >"What's the 法克ing difference?" asks the father.
> > > >"That's what I said!"
> > > >
> > > >
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% v* z  X5 P. x- y. I0 e> > > >LITTLE TONY ON ENGLISH
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> > > >Little TONY goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are
> > > >going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an
  \& L" I) [+ B5 a) p; f* Z5 t4 K> > > >example of a multi-syllable word?"
) g( h/ U0 ^% j3 M7 G& ]3 i" W  }> > > >TONY says "Masturbate."
> > > >Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little TONY, that's a mouthful."
> > > >Little TONY says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."
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> > > >
> > > >
5 b# V2 _. K0 N2 v> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
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- C0 r9 X$ Q. F! U% {> > > >Little TONY was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed
> > > >to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a
> > > >piss!!"
8 l& D* {8 U, t) o; [" X$ N" e- }1 L> > > >The teacher replied, "Now, TONY, that is NOT the proper word to use
- k1 q5 w  C% W: Z, z; [2 C> > > >in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate'.
> > > >Please use the word 'urinate' in a sentence correctly, and I will
> > > >allow
> > > >you to go."
> > > >Little TONY, thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an eight, but
( ?7 D. M" \* g0 {) P: @( @> > > >if you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!"
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> > > >
> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
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  J% @4 {# t% Z, S> > > >One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a
> > > >show of hands from those who could use the! Word "beautiful" in the
> > > >same sentence twice.
> > > >First, she called on little Suzy, who responded with, "My father
# l' m3 K5 x$ _8 g> > > >bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."
> > > >"Very good, Suzy," replied the teacher. She then called on little
> > > >Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out
2 z8 L9 _6 S/ N: i> > > >beautifully."
1 i% K2 x  l# m2 e( A> > > >She said, "Excellent, Michael!" Then the teacher reluctantly
2 s' Z! s8 x+ b! S> > > >called on little TONY.
> > > >"Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she
# S( a- w8 v" J" I! e> > > >was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just 法克ing beautiful!"
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; t1 u; M) ?; g7 p( @( H> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GETTING OLDER
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) [/ K$ U: e- [> > > >Little TONY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar
> > > >after another. After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him
> > > >said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It
3 r& g1 y2 u5 @4 J1 J' X9 b> > > >will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."
> > > >Little TONY replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."
/ C# D9 M% L8 y2 R- Y> > > >The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"
3 e1 E1 q! l# W8 l> > > >Little TONY answered, "No, he minded his own 法克ing business