Just For A Laugh : LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON

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LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON
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> > > >A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence
/ u' B6 d4 }. }# V: i' S> > > >and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on
> > > >little TONY.
> > > >He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."
( B/ d& l( n5 }> > > >The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your
>thinking."
% q! ?  y( a! I% ]> > > >Then little TONY says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women
) t' }' x% P" J1 y> > > >sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the
% l& C; l# Y% W9 _> > > >sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the
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. V! j3 |2 u8 E. X% l> > > >top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice
( ^1 z( ~' Y, B>cream.
> > > >Which one is married?"
- e' ?) F& y) \6 L. A& v> > > >The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the
7 l, q0 r$ j0 ~( K' ^$ m* P> > > >one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
. V6 a% V; K7 ]! ~> > > >To which Little TONY replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with
> > > >the wedding ring on', but I like your thinking."
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> > > >
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON MATH
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. a3 e. r% c1 x/ q$ i# X> > > >Little TONY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
> > > >"Why?" asks the father.
5 p9 M$ n. h& K/ D1 d7 H> > > >"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3', I said '6'," replies TONY.
1 J7 M  P# x$ k6 j6 d% Q  ]> > > >"But that's right!" says his dad.
> > > >"Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?' "
> > > >"What's the 法克ing difference?" asks the father.
> > > >"That's what I said!"
> > > >
> > > >
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& y$ J  g% R% [( Y4 U! q  s8 g> > > >LITTLE TONY ON ENGLISH
> > > >
> > > >Little TONY goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are
> > > >going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an
> > > >example of a multi-syllable word?"
> > > >TONY says "Masturbate."
> > > >Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little TONY, that's a mouthful."
> > > >Little TONY says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
> > > >
. k3 f1 v  K4 r) k5 G> > > >Little TONY was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed
> > > >to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a
> > > >piss!!"
. u6 B+ Z. @. h* q) h. `2 ^. }> > > >The teacher replied, "Now, TONY, that is NOT the proper word to use
1 ]! `/ K5 e1 p  Z0 X> > > >in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate'.
+ X1 c& z3 `3 d: @7 \/ N( g/ R9 o: Y  t3 L" C> > > >Please use the word 'urinate' in a sentence correctly, and I will
/ D* i. A7 h2 g: y1 g: o+ Q> > > >allow
> > > >you to go."
> > > >Little TONY, thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an eight, but
9 g; b4 F0 e2 H  \1 p> > > >if you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!"
> > > >
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> > > >
> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
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8 H8 P+ S  V, C% D# u. p> > > >One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a
> > > >show of hands from those who could use the! Word "beautiful" in the
# y4 F1 X0 r" N/ M/ Y> > > >same sentence twice.
> > > >First, she called on little Suzy, who responded with, "My father
3 R' I/ ]% e3 h1 s. \> > > >bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."
% h% D4 k- p* [! w% j  I4 y0 ]> > > >"Very good, Suzy," replied the teacher. She then called on little
> > > >Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out
> > > >beautifully."
" Q9 n  @) {/ A4 ?9 v+ ]> > > >She said, "Excellent, Michael!" Then the teacher reluctantly
> > > >called on little TONY.
> > > >"Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she
5 n; o# B. U6 V$ h  M4 G5 q, @> > > >was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just 法克ing beautiful!"
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GETTING OLDER
> > > >
> > > >Little TONY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar
# ]! T* ?' P+ u# I( b) c4 o> > > >after another. After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him
> > > >said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It
4 ]% X: e. T+ ]9 s0 b' X: r> > > >will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."
> > > >Little TONY replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."
> > > >The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"
& e; ~5 w8 c9 b. I7 [1 P: L0 ^( ?> > > >Little TONY answered, "No, he minded his own 法克ing business