Just For A Laugh : LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON

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LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON
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> > > >A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence
/ C5 k% a' p* S  Y> > > >and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on
> > > >little TONY.
> > > >He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."
2 B1 u0 x" j# x$ Q$ F3 k> > > >The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your
9 N  b; O, v: x$ i/ L>thinking."
> > > >Then little TONY says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women
, o( l0 [% `% k8 ^. C> > > >sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the
> > > >sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the
>
6 {6 f8 d0 ?3 k0 w! L% `2 N> > > >top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice
  a# D- j1 L1 K5 J>cream.
> > > >Which one is married?"
8 v; B" U, c3 k# F" o> > > >The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the
5 s/ x" X6 j( ~1 U3 C> > > >one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
* c5 A- K& b9 H> > > >To which Little TONY replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with
, X. V1 g- e/ H$ `6 {) }> > > >the wedding ring on', but I like your thinking."
> > > >
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6 K, ^' m) X1 k8 G# D> > > >LITTLE TONY ON MATH
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> > > >Little TONY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
> > > >"Why?" asks the father.
" H- r7 d2 b* F2 ?> > > >"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3', I said '6'," replies TONY.
> > > >"But that's right!" says his dad.
> > > >"Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?' "
> > > >"What's the 法克ing difference?" asks the father.
> > > >"That's what I said!"
> > > >
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> > > >
> > > >LITTLE TONY ON ENGLISH
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> > > >Little TONY goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are
- h  K) G- J+ u8 ~" p> > > >going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an
) k5 c3 [. o. L9 F) h" k4 b( ?> > > >example of a multi-syllable word?"
> > > >TONY says "Masturbate."
- q: c; N8 t$ P> > > >Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little TONY, that's a mouthful."
7 T9 n1 s# ]& H3 o> > > >Little TONY says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."
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> > > >
# ^( W# O: h' ]% h  X> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
> > > >
> > > >Little TONY was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed
' @# ^! I. j9 _, S" b> > > >to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a
> > > >piss!!"
> > > >The teacher replied, "Now, TONY, that is NOT the proper word to use
( @3 ~0 h8 y+ _, h> > > >in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate'.
5 g1 Q) d7 C9 E4 L! k' J> > > >Please use the word 'urinate' in a sentence correctly, and I will
> > > >allow
3 T* j2 D0 Q0 Q> > > >you to go."
> > > >Little TONY, thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an eight, but
" I) A2 v7 d; d% B* H> > > >if you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!"
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
> > > >
> > > >One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a
> > > >show of hands from those who could use the! Word "beautiful" in the
( T' R2 V0 t$ i9 S  t0 f> > > >same sentence twice.
4 P* O- h; ^0 O1 @; X> > > >First, she called on little Suzy, who responded with, "My father
> > > >bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."
+ v1 I5 S- u0 L1 S; F' F" Q4 @3 o> > > >"Very good, Suzy," replied the teacher. She then called on little
6 R9 W7 a& H1 v$ M> > > >Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out
7 @* E+ X( ~5 A$ g3 j> > > >beautifully."
; e, o$ [/ s1 L( N> > > >She said, "Excellent, Michael!" Then the teacher reluctantly
  x) L1 @8 e: V4 o( j9 @- }) W5 Y" U> > > >called on little TONY.
9 M& j. r3 p9 |5 J: G> > > >"Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she
& n/ L* x& `$ I* r> > > >was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just 法克ing beautiful!"
> > > >
> > > >
6 D  W/ r5 {3 p& X; A> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GETTING OLDER
> > > >
> > > >Little TONY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar
> > > >after another. After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him
> > > >said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It
> > > >will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."
> > > >Little TONY replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."
> > > >The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"
> > > >Little TONY answered, "No, he minded his own 法克ing business