Just For A Laugh : LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON

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LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON
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* m; ~2 T) H' ^> > > >A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence
6 G3 F" j# L0 g# f* S; z> > > >and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on
0 Z( t! T+ _# X0 |# @8 R> > > >little TONY.
/ k% O0 |, @8 U& d, n> > > >He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."
> > > >The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your
, E' ~  F. h" T! o* ]; j9 h>thinking."
> > > >Then little TONY says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women
- p$ A" l2 t) s# Y" f5 F> > > >sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the
> > > >sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the
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) F; I+ r8 A- T; H6 u" Z> > > >top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice
0 `# ~2 F& T: B9 f9 E>cream.
$ i+ \* @+ m/ ]8 S6 v> > > >Which one is married?"
! G9 Y0 J% v4 Z( i! r4 R> > > >The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the
0 Z! m  g& T% |) M$ a) n( z, c" n> > > >one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
5 d" @0 S. }. k1 @$ ~9 S0 D> > > >To which Little TONY replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with
. k; y- N* a, Q; a, D* X> > > >the wedding ring on', but I like your thinking."
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON MATH
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> > > >Little TONY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
> > > >"Why?" asks the father.
> > > >"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3', I said '6'," replies TONY.
2 w. v# \  @  S) R/ x- z. q- B> > > >"But that's right!" says his dad.
> > > >"Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?' "
> > > >"What's the 法克ing difference?" asks the father.
9 B. s5 T; k4 C( i> > > >"That's what I said!"
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON ENGLISH
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> > > >Little TONY goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are
( M- J3 X& }& O- b, O* D: H4 Y> > > >going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an
> > > >example of a multi-syllable word?"
> > > >TONY says "Masturbate."
! z" {  u6 }  p$ d+ H' i' @> > > >Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little TONY, that's a mouthful."
> > > >Little TONY says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
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& }5 u) C  |: ?5 H* a% p9 a> > > >Little TONY was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed
> > > >to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a
, k7 s8 e2 n1 r" U/ @9 @, i7 F> > > >piss!!"
> > > >The teacher replied, "Now, TONY, that is NOT the proper word to use
3 E  }6 w6 b7 J) D8 F! g( n$ y7 X> > > >in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate'.
> > > >Please use the word 'urinate' in a sentence correctly, and I will
> > > >allow
' P& x: U! m* k4 H> > > >you to go."
# C9 i# I! O( c  O> > > >Little TONY, thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an eight, but
> > > >if you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!"
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
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- l: F# a, }5 m, e& n# I, ~> > > >One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a
> > > >show of hands from those who could use the! Word "beautiful" in the
> > > >same sentence twice.
' z3 f! J( q  i> > > >First, she called on little Suzy, who responded with, "My father
> > > >bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."
7 E4 J3 R5 [( C% W> > > >"Very good, Suzy," replied the teacher. She then called on little
& Q, E9 u7 U+ _2 O> > > >Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out
> > > >beautifully."
> > > >She said, "Excellent, Michael!" Then the teacher reluctantly
( F1 F6 x7 c. `8 {$ s) u> > > >called on little TONY.
> > > >"Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she
> > > >was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just 法克ing beautiful!"
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% k# R1 I  ?( t  k2 ^  F; W  \9 z> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GETTING OLDER
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> > > >Little TONY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar
: h+ A/ l0 i0 R7 g2 v+ {4 z& C> > > >after another. After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him
> > > >said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It
> > > >will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."
> > > >Little TONY replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."
/ U  u* ^; A4 \! N  G> > > >The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"
& }/ S1 R2 w$ d' f& H+ b, p  c> > > >Little TONY answered, "No, he minded his own 法克ing business