Just For A Laugh : LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON

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LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON
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> > > >A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence
> > > >and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on
( L( R) R1 e7 {5 u8 X* \1 k6 i( L4 j> > > >little TONY.
> > > >He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."
> > > >The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your
: T( I, a' O/ i7 Z5 Q6 k>thinking."
> > > >Then little TONY says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women
> > > >sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the
+ f  [2 G; s, j7 X+ W/ x> > > >sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the
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> > > >top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice
>cream.
> > > >Which one is married?"
0 |* Z$ `1 T& _2 H4 o- B& H, N> > > >The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the
> > > >one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
> > > >To which Little TONY replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with
> > > >the wedding ring on', but I like your thinking."
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> > > >
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON MATH
> > > >
. A7 z% M, L; H% }% C2 a1 U> > > >Little TONY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
1 D9 p/ V: B$ Z# l- \# x> > > >"Why?" asks the father.
2 Z4 f; T  W  K8 G" h1 ~> > > >"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3', I said '6'," replies TONY.
> > > >"But that's right!" says his dad.
- T  r& u% @  b4 G. d) y1 Z0 w; l> > > >"Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?' "
1 U; |( F- h: L: _& {# D, u> > > >"What's the 法克ing difference?" asks the father.
1 T( ?" d2 z8 w6 W3 X8 u1 s> > > >"That's what I said!"
> > > >
> > > >
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON ENGLISH
> > > >
8 Q5 Z) m3 I& \> > > >Little TONY goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are
> > > >going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an
7 |/ A. t1 ]$ z1 y# G> > > >example of a multi-syllable word?"
> > > >TONY says "Masturbate."
> > > >Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little TONY, that's a mouthful."
! q5 G4 B( j6 W' m/ R0 d> > > >Little TONY says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."
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( k' }2 m7 w$ F$ w> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
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, Z6 I: x1 p% z# K> > > >Little TONY was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed
> > > >to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a
7 J% h) C7 z0 x& _/ Q3 C/ t> > > >piss!!"
> > > >The teacher replied, "Now, TONY, that is NOT the proper word to use
> > > >in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate'.
> > > >Please use the word 'urinate' in a sentence correctly, and I will
+ w+ \2 S; o- b> > > >allow
) C/ L, L2 A. l7 R# p1 h> > > >you to go."
6 C/ X$ S' [/ A% o/ g. C7 {9 {3 i> > > >Little TONY, thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an eight, but
> > > >if you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!"
> > > >
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9 \! ?; G+ H. A2 ?) ^: f> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
> > > >
/ R! C: g) ~* L  Z! b> > > >One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a
> > > >show of hands from those who could use the! Word "beautiful" in the
> > > >same sentence twice.
> > > >First, she called on little Suzy, who responded with, "My father
; ?8 g  v% @6 G0 x> > > >bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."
" E, r# `$ j# D& u4 Z4 L( \/ E6 M> > > >"Very good, Suzy," replied the teacher. She then called on little
" R+ J5 w/ w* _4 V4 P2 I" \> > > >Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out
> > > >beautifully."
0 p4 y4 E4 O1 a$ g6 n> > > >She said, "Excellent, Michael!" Then the teacher reluctantly
> > > >called on little TONY.
> > > >"Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she
6 O( [* ^' M& Z2 y> > > >was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just 法克ing beautiful!"
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> > > >
> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GETTING OLDER
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  u, r5 c8 |% ?> > > >Little TONY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar
3 V1 ]; `2 ?( R% `( [> > > >after another. After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him
> > > >said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It
> > > >will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."
> > > >Little TONY replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."
> > > >The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"
> > > >Little TONY answered, "No, he minded his own 法克ing business