Just For A Laugh : LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON

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LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON
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3 Z, w- J3 Q" M2 j) C7 F: h> > > >A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence
> > > >and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on
> > > >little TONY.
> > > >He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."
> > > >The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your
( s- ^0 }) ~0 n$ L>thinking."
> > > >Then little TONY says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women
+ q8 p# B* P1 V6 E+ K' j> > > >sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the
> > > >sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the
>
> > > >top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice
3 _( W& w: d8 I) V) H, N& O>cream.
( _! S% O8 Z& i2 |" T> > > >Which one is married?"
> > > >The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the
> > > >one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
% \3 z$ S1 q+ `+ X$ [% S> > > >To which Little TONY replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with
> > > >the wedding ring on', but I like your thinking."
> > > >
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON MATH
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> > > >Little TONY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
> > > >"Why?" asks the father.
5 K' E4 E) `1 y2 ~. g+ o. Q5 Y$ w0 g> > > >"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3', I said '6'," replies TONY.
> > > >"But that's right!" says his dad.
> > > >"Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?' "
$ e/ X7 C: K: m8 o> > > >"What's the 法克ing difference?" asks the father.
9 L) j7 h7 d/ h& {, X, s+ d> > > >"That's what I said!"
> > > >
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON ENGLISH
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> > > >Little TONY goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are
> > > >going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an
6 s+ E! S- f1 e0 t" X0 ~4 L- ^0 w> > > >example of a multi-syllable word?"
> > > >TONY says "Masturbate."
( A) d2 U; t( c3 S2 r5 b8 [& m- V. ^> > > >Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little TONY, that's a mouthful."
# n, k* ]1 q, l: [' y> > > >Little TONY says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."
> > > >
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> > > >
- ?  o) R5 [6 |# I" ?2 p> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
> > > >
$ v+ p! w' z; S* I> > > >Little TONY was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed
) ]+ ]0 O4 G5 p6 y5 J> > > >to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a
> > > >piss!!"
" B) J' ]8 `, v4 y; B> > > >The teacher replied, "Now, TONY, that is NOT the proper word to use
+ Z% l( t8 |- j9 x" ?. U% `> > > >in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate'.
> > > >Please use the word 'urinate' in a sentence correctly, and I will
8 I" U4 ?; C( x> > > >allow
" b. b- v$ C# @) K+ J> > > >you to go."
# J& D% a. G: U' R0 o9 w, d> > > >Little TONY, thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an eight, but
$ F- k4 W$ M, @' R7 B> > > >if you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!"
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4 J9 ^+ d4 q& H- g) }* d; C> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
> > > >
> > > >One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a
> > > >show of hands from those who could use the! Word "beautiful" in the
& j1 W1 U: t! y' o+ n% j8 k: L> > > >same sentence twice.
> > > >First, she called on little Suzy, who responded with, "My father
> > > >bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."
> > > >"Very good, Suzy," replied the teacher. She then called on little
> > > >Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out
> > > >beautifully."
> > > >She said, "Excellent, Michael!" Then the teacher reluctantly
> > > >called on little TONY.
6 e) q+ _6 K3 ^9 O8 \4 j% B> > > >"Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she
8 H4 B6 h2 t( \- m+ B> > > >was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just 法克ing beautiful!"
> > > >
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2 h( I5 Y: Y- h# e8 a2 q> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GETTING OLDER
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9 H6 t' z" C+ G; Z# S6 f1 a( j> > > >Little TONY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar
> > > >after another. After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him
> > > >said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It
& a8 R$ [3 Q( H: S> > > >will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."
> > > >Little TONY replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."
> > > >The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"
5 b  o0 v2 i3 [0 X1 d> > > >Little TONY answered, "No, he minded his own 法克ing business