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LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON
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# f9 {- r0 _* a1 p> > > >A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence , E9 e. F9 I- @) b" u7 a
> > > >and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on / @$ j7 S9 @; {6 ~' |3 l
> > > >little TONY. 3 p6 n H4 Z/ k! i: z, D. }$ i! ^
> > > >He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."
( ? B1 j; W$ ~> > > >The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your
6 B/ D3 R' Q" j0 b( {>thinking."
_" p) W2 M0 d( E1 m9 a3 P/ F/ I> > > >Then little TONY says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women 1 q+ v& u" b' j8 ]
> > > >sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the $ k' ^+ T; u* \4 U% L9 i
> > > >sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the / \1 V( _7 |, j7 u) D: g4 q
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3 _4 S' s O% L* {) E. X. N> > > >top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice : T9 w! ?# L, X5 m1 f' Q, x
>cream. . ~9 ]8 ^) N* n9 S9 l/ T; z5 i
> > > >Which one is married?" 8 S! L* y2 t! ^0 \: m' q7 I; G
> > > >The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the : H& K( m4 |; O0 G$ @* n
> > > >one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
7 g" S& Z2 |* |9 O! Y> > > >To which Little TONY replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with
( X5 ^1 O/ _% e# h! M> > > >the wedding ring on', but I like your thinking." 2 y0 f1 h, Y% j/ H
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* X7 w7 ]( r* k) @9 a A> > > >LITTLE TONY ON MATH + ~/ p5 q5 m9 x1 ~6 ]3 g
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% u* s4 G$ b# U> > > >Little TONY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic. , W2 n4 P5 L* {( O, i
> > > >"Why?" asks the father. % b. h; q0 E) g. X2 c' i
> > > >"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3', I said '6'," replies TONY. ' ~0 `+ J; B1 {2 F9 }; r4 r* I
> > > >"But that's right!" says his dad.
5 X" L0 [, N6 N h4 K: G% q> > > >"Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?' " a- E# f2 M& e" q& W% q
> > > >"What's the 法克ing difference?" asks the father. 8 j9 U; v: w- s" H& z2 N, v" a0 V
> > > >"That's what I said!"
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- I6 i c5 t/ v. O7 ? S4 R" F> > > >LITTLE TONY ON ENGLISH
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/ ?' G7 O P* L4 n2 ?> > > >Little TONY goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are ! `- [/ g8 |! k( e7 B3 C
> > > >going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an
/ \7 `* R0 }, S! r8 g> > > >example of a multi-syllable word?" / D ?6 N! @; _3 Z4 b4 a5 H
> > > >TONY says "Masturbate." + E. N: Z1 G C5 ?% S1 X# X; V" E
> > > >Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little TONY, that's a mouthful." ) ^* F: r! I6 T+ X) D
> > > >Little TONY says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob." 8 W8 [& a6 R9 t/ j
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
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4 r! B2 F8 d! q: h5 G+ N> > > >Little TONY was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed
, D g7 o; t3 l" L* U: b> > > >to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a 9 c3 s* M; j4 h3 ~5 p, U: Q
> > > >piss!!" $ A; _' ^; w" |6 [' L
> > > >The teacher replied, "Now, TONY, that is NOT the proper word to use 3 e& s4 N) D2 J$ b4 ~
> > > >in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate'. * t! r B8 ` U+ E- F4 M
> > > >Please use the word 'urinate' in a sentence correctly, and I will : s4 u c* ?/ t: J: N3 v2 @4 t8 ?7 T7 l
> > > >allow 6 c0 n: l* T/ }- S, v
> > > >you to go." 1 u# F0 J" r4 E8 q/ I8 l' C% P
> > > >Little TONY, thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an eight, but
# k6 S" Q/ P* [8 x7 m! y9 R! C> > > >if you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!" & e0 T8 \' u4 `+ Z6 l6 c" i7 Y
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% {7 O9 S, o2 P( Q" G> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
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> > > >One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a
7 {3 X7 g8 V' I/ A; n* W3 m> > > >show of hands from those who could use the! Word "beautiful" in the $ d* w7 F6 R9 l- n8 W
> > > >same sentence twice. $ k; J3 P+ ~7 h6 v# ~& o* L
> > > >First, she called on little Suzy, who responded with, "My father
+ V" e, a8 _ W. b) o% i! {> > > >bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."
' c6 R: X, j6 Z0 |> > > >"Very good, Suzy," replied the teacher. She then called on little
- I. u# c+ _: W V, E) Y> > > >Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out
' N% b5 W! d8 d2 X1 N! ^" D( c> > > >beautifully." ) w5 U, j' v3 C
> > > >She said, "Excellent, Michael!" Then the teacher reluctantly
& j; C* G7 Y4 j$ w/ v2 U> > > >called on little TONY.
* n3 }% s' ~7 k- i1 [> > > >"Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she : I/ I$ f. L; }& z9 z
> > > >was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just 法克ing beautiful!" d" y+ o' D" v5 b2 a; [
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> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GETTING OLDER ; L6 F- V- R) O7 [8 Q( A% F
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> > > >Little TONY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar 8 ]7 v1 o8 w! Y) }$ l: G
> > > >after another. After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him
8 O. q& i8 p& T5 U- p1 {> > > >said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It # m- d" i. E$ P, N3 {& e* F# v4 m
> > > >will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."
; Z* o0 Z5 w$ b- R# s> > > >Little TONY replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old." 4 e7 V. A- v/ Z. D* m' x
> > > >The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?" ! u) M" f" A# o$ ?) s. |# V) A3 K# q
> > > >Little TONY answered, "No, he minded his own 法克ing business |
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发表于 2008-5-9 19:16
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