Just For A Laugh : LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON

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LITTLE TONY'S REASONING LESSON
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> > > >A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence
# \1 ~8 W$ M" s8 O! Y> > > >and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?" She calls on
> > > >little TONY.
> > > >He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."
> > > >The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your
. e4 n: {7 S/ h1 E+ B% Z>thinking."
6 R; @) [, j: @> > > >Then little TONY says, "I have a question for YOU. There are 3 women
( H8 P, L$ v% S, [> > > >sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the
1 o: H1 D. l0 z4 x7 e> > > >sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the
>
6 [3 @9 s0 ?; t: M> > > >top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice
>cream.
> > > >Which one is married?"
> > > >The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the
+ H* A3 x4 i& S7 Z+ ^0 H> > > >one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."
$ m8 n( P7 I, X% ~2 l% x& G> > > >To which Little TONY replied, "The correct answer is 'the one with
> > > >the wedding ring on', but I like your thinking."
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> > > >
> > > >LITTLE TONY ON MATH
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+ Y0 Z! I1 y+ w1 B& S> > > >Little TONY returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.
> > > >"Why?" asks the father.
> > > >"The teacher asked 'How much is 2x3', I said '6'," replies TONY.
> > > >"But that's right!" says his dad.
' U9 M7 e/ _! o3 T4 L> > > >"Yeah, but then she asked me 'How much is 3x2?' "
/ `0 J- B3 h1 q  H8 J> > > >"What's the 法克ing difference?" asks the father.
> > > >"That's what I said!"
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> > > >
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1 S0 H$ h) x  Y# m+ h) ?, C> > > >LITTLE TONY ON ENGLISH
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> > > >Little TONY goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are
6 A. [8 D" m; j- K- ?3 A> > > >going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an
> > > >example of a multi-syllable word?"
- d4 {) E  W; k+ I+ F2 C, L4 }* g> > > >TONY says "Masturbate."
> > > >Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little TONY, that's a mouthful."
> > > >Little TONY says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blowjob."
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >
> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
> > > >
> > > >Little TONY was sitting in class one day. All of a sudden, he needed
3 s) G( L2 S: L  q' k  G5 S9 t- `" R> > > >to go to the bathroom. He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a
> > > >piss!!"
> > > >The teacher replied, "Now, TONY, that is NOT the proper word to use
> > > >in this situation. The correct word you want to use is 'urinate'.
& B, b% D4 u9 M1 B- S> > > >Please use the word 'urinate' in a sentence correctly, and I will
> > > >allow
> > > >you to go."
> > > >Little TONY, thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an eight, but
! n+ k8 J; ~- H> > > >if you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!"
> > > >
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> > > >
> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GRAMMAR
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> > > >One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a
> > > >show of hands from those who could use the! Word "beautiful" in the
> > > >same sentence twice.
3 p; m4 O4 A, u9 R> > > >First, she called on little Suzy, who responded with, "My father
& [) E4 }( Z4 t! @- v# M: l> > > >bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."
> > > >"Very good, Suzy," replied the teacher. She then called on little
> > > >Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out
& k% v5 I6 {9 c. C( W> > > >beautifully."
> > > >She said, "Excellent, Michael!" Then the teacher reluctantly
  O4 ]0 n* w7 D; v. ~  q> > > >called on little TONY.
> > > >"Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she
> > > >was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just 法克ing beautiful!"
> > > >
> > > >
( c9 Q# R. j* ?8 V- L' S$ f3 ]2 ]" B> > > >LITTLE TONY ON GETTING OLDER
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5 _$ j5 {* U6 t) h4 w" H> > > >Little TONY was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar
& W( o2 N' ?" N& V6 R- D( E  Y; _> > > >after another. After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him
5 l. p& T, A. z4 N0 p> > > >said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It
: N6 {) ]. ~' `> > > >will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."
> > > >Little TONY replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."
> > > >The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"
> > > >Little TONY answered, "No, he minded his own 法克ing business