请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

alberta2007

I just wrote a poem
Besides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
However,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
Thanks a lot!!!


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6 L1 {: L' O5 SFormerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
- Y: }2 v& K  R7 k7 [. e8 ]              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
* C, z! M- k, A) j; k$ [              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
6 x0 Q' Q7 Y; k, @; x$ M7 x              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
6 w$ y! L$ c2 r# L! y* L* `) g. \& KHowever, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
. T. ?6 _, F5 G2 Z+ F; Y             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
) q. H( P  y' ~' @! M4 a% b             somehow I lost myself inside again
Now,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
- `: M2 I7 |2 u' ?' U, t' w8 @2 LFinally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
/ u+ D3 B( ^; x& L% sBasically, I almost finish this poem
3 s& _& ?8 {% Z& t               I am 一个人de精彩
               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
! K1 \; u2 ^& y' B5 f. \; V2 e1 XBut........         
Ironically? Isn't it?

yoyoke2004

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”
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! n5 M6 T: P; H: Y& Q卖糕的，写外国诗就得忘中国字吗？

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Justing

Somehow I'd fall in love with you
Somehow I'd find something wrong with us
6 [! M9 B1 x" ^$ w. Z. FSomehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
( ~6 @" s" s, f# `Somehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
4 _8 q, z8 x& `* v1 lSomehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
9 G! h" ~1 ~' W- e$ c1 \- B& PSomehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness
: E2 {3 }! _; V! I/ B9 P
" d+ v4 f3 B& T, Z6 K$ [Somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
# d0 k4 ?! p) g7 K3 X/ X, YSomehow I realized you were still in my heart
Somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
Somehow I lost myself inside it again
  f/ L1 P3 f" |" L- `/ b# L
2 N& [; e2 Y" ~# [Somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
Somehow I discern that I am still in love with you
Somehow I am the only brilliance of myself
Somehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance

lington

However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
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: g7 F, o2 f. a' I+ h) B% U! aHowever, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday

+ D. T% k. i8 R  i+ Y) w4 y* \somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
=====================================================================
somehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...

alberta2007

我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

Justing

原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
" D/ K  O, S% @; R. q我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

哦，这样啊，那就改回去吧，我以为是虚拟语气呢。

三思

劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲，这是什么体啊？