请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

alberta2007

I just wrote a poem
Besides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
However,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
  G4 P; m# b+ ^' h7 B$ ]Thanks a lot!!!
. F0 P8 |9 [: f% T+ W% d/ H# Z
, D3 V2 S  S5 ]& x+ _1 x- j6 N
9 G/ |: I7 ?+ I! C; M5 L$ @
" n) O: l* D  ?7 i+ e2 |
/ G) s: j4 h% G! m3 S) r( D: E
8 ^  F* a( t8 h. L% Y7 ?$ B
2 A$ W+ R9 U: H) K
Formerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
9 E! y" A0 ^' F! {1 X* u              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
9 L- b5 U$ g) p4 R6 w; ~* V              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
/ G4 A2 g; P, Z, T, {% H' N              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
- K+ K+ J1 R2 {6 {; s* Z( j+ |0 hHowever, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
! Y, A" L0 A) {/ |  J6 h  {             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
             somehow I lost myself inside again
4 F% l8 n9 l! R5 oNow,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
Finally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
Basically, I almost finish this poem
               I am 一个人de精彩
: S% q2 ^1 L* Z; B7 M. I- q7 |/ ?               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
But........         
  T( L) p6 y8 KIronically? Isn't it?

yoyoke2004

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”
  S6 n1 B$ ~0 ^5 w. E! X7 @
卖糕的，写外国诗就得忘中国字吗？
: c# [4 d0 @5 @. b/ q! a+ \2 z

Justing

Somehow I'd fall in love with you
" @! I% A' s" C- g. B6 H% c: QSomehow I'd find something wrong with us
( E3 U' U% c4 T; i6 \* R# DSomehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
Somehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
9 e- P4 L  [0 {! v9 HSomehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
" d* k7 L  T7 Y$ W. NSomehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness

5 ?+ O- b$ F6 [Somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
Somehow I realized you were still in my heart
Somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
Somehow I lost myself inside it again
; o, N- S. i3 w
Somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
Somehow I discern that I am still in love with you
3 \) l5 f/ C; @$ l. U) [Somehow I am the only brilliance of myself
$ K3 z: P9 N+ @' }  n( pSomehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance

lington

However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
: |7 Y9 p6 [/ `8 G! i5 ~================================================
+ @  u7 V# i/ D  z$ D4 [However, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday
% X4 G" L/ u( }- q
somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
5 |$ {. M3 t. n$ V7 W7 [4 m6 ]9 D=====================================================================
somehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...

alberta2007

我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

Justing

原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
7 Y0 J% S8 e" R5 R0 E* ^6 M8 C' z我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

/ L- t4 k3 B5 w3 N哦，这样啊，那就改回去吧，我以为是虚拟语气呢。

三思

劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲，这是什么体啊？