请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

alberta2007

I just wrote a poem
Besides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
However,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
Thanks a lot!!!



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$ N2 t3 J9 X8 H$ f: o7 i& r8 AFormerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
6 w- m6 y. ]# m3 j+ r$ y              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
% Q( @3 t: U. @! ?2 F+ q' ^& y              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
6 c8 w/ n8 y. _- z+ `However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
: k2 s# [* u4 I7 \9 Q; i  r' F             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
3 p0 g% l( b: G6 n1 t$ d' m) P             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
             somehow I lost myself inside again
Now,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
" Z2 A: N8 `" x1 @7 K# x. lFinally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
Basically, I almost finish this poem
               I am 一个人de精彩
7 r1 ~, f( f3 X6 B7 T               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
But........         
5 s) Y" t7 P# `% b" e3 KIronically? Isn't it?

yoyoke2004

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”

卖糕的，写外国诗就得忘中国字吗？
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Justing

Somehow I'd fall in love with you
" M" t/ N5 p6 u  U, S- l) _) [. A3 |Somehow I'd find something wrong with us
Somehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
' n9 w6 _: ]' l" V1 J" Y" Q7 CSomehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
Somehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
Somehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness

" l7 l$ R: Z$ t+ q/ Z. _7 ^Somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
& j  U  m8 o0 CSomehow I realized you were still in my heart
Somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
Somehow I lost myself inside it again

1 x) z) \5 U8 x2 Y+ DSomehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
; G- ?( c, K) q( ^Somehow I discern that I am still in love with you
Somehow I am the only brilliance of myself
3 k& C" R: p% a: K/ O2 a; g; Y$ uSomehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance

lington

However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
================================================
# w) Z; C$ |3 ?4 C2 m$ o0 p/ UHowever, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday

& s0 K/ V0 z* I, W" j( Ysomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
=====================================================================
  x  V4 m3 d  A/ O! _( m3 Lsomehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...

alberta2007

我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

Justing

原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
1 D$ h& W- ^3 \$ q) {+ z我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

哦，这样啊，那就改回去吧，我以为是虚拟语气呢。

三思

劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲，这是什么体啊？