请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

alberta2007

I just wrote a poem
Besides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
! B: _4 e7 l) Q2 w3 q  v5 A" dHowever,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
) y, G% @& P# ?% l5 TThanks a lot!!!




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) ]2 j; a2 m" k# [* }Formerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
% A3 c9 u- F" N( L, {4 q2 l              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
# h& {: B  t1 c5 yHowever, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
; P# v; d9 D3 @/ g3 P3 t             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
% N, u7 D8 r5 b             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
             somehow I lost myself inside again
/ v/ C$ y, o& G2 LNow,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
4 q2 g+ d# p$ `: i' p- P- U4 T             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
- q$ R% M3 g) }9 {5 IFinally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
Basically, I almost finish this poem
               I am 一个人de精彩
               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
4 N2 u" c! R, E; ?' J2 eBut........         
Ironically? Isn't it?

yoyoke2004

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”
$ }$ }/ t* Y# R' B6 C8 j
7 T% S$ `6 N+ z% y$ `' T卖糕的，写外国诗就得忘中国字吗？
9 @' a) A. ~) k- C$ K5 q6 e% R1 c

Justing

Somehow I'd fall in love with you
Somehow I'd find something wrong with us
; g# Y6 H& O! \  w" A9 |- b( Q, I3 TSomehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
Somehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
+ ]* Q+ h1 J' e% Y% K2 q8 f4 BSomehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
  H3 q) m0 k2 T  }$ G. O- f9 p' ~Somehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness
; Z. H7 n+ R/ u9 L) |8 T, s
3 d6 _. k3 w  b# Y0 u. W5 aSomehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
9 k4 k6 `1 G$ A& B# nSomehow I realized you were still in my heart
Somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
! E7 J. V# z( ^Somehow I lost myself inside it again
9 |' ?, q7 M7 G
* u$ U( a- P  M! q* B% q! g) K" r! SSomehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
8 m" W7 X7 @/ @+ g8 ESomehow I discern that I am still in love with you
. n7 r( d: K( l: H6 T" iSomehow I am the only brilliance of myself
Somehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance

lington

However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
# d" [" O. q8 M================================================
However, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday

somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
6 d* A" {, F  L1 ?* K* M, T8 E, R2 x& A+ ]=====================================================================
1 x' T/ W* X; l# \. S" h/ ?' _somehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...

alberta2007

我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

Justing

原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
3 D7 w* r% s: W2 n( z- M# G; n5 Q  S我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

) E& {# k' P( f1 x3 I哦，这样啊，那就改回去吧，我以为是虚拟语气呢。

三思

劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲，这是什么体啊？