请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

alberta2007

I just wrote a poem
  K5 u; B/ I9 X; nBesides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
# Q- _. t: S2 LHowever,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
7 _% ^% N0 D5 r: o! tThanks a lot!!!
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% [" I+ T, F( n9 yFormerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
1 ~% j+ c5 l: X" T% h  l              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
! H) {. J4 A; G              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
, r& ?9 w2 t6 O  B              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
# H7 H' H  ]7 i3 FHowever, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
( e# d( o0 K* b7 w8 i0 j             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
1 z: Y! w& t, ^) a             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
. w" u' t8 w) N/ B: \2 d# w             somehow I lost myself inside again
Now,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
5 h* E3 j9 m7 B* T6 h             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
Finally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
Basically, I almost finish this poem
9 O. P* Q# F' \; r. J               I am 一个人de精彩
               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
But........         
Ironically? Isn't it?

yoyoke2004

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”
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卖糕的，写外国诗就得忘中国字吗？

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Justing

Somehow I'd fall in love with you
* f, }# @4 ]: P5 RSomehow I'd find something wrong with us
Somehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
2 t8 ^2 Q! H3 D/ O) \' ~Somehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
9 r1 B7 j9 E; w; X; SSomehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
Somehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness
: V. L! Q3 @3 e3 [- r, v1 d/ H
/ ~) ~8 D8 a: N8 N3 k( BSomehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
8 s* z* u# c, Z" cSomehow I realized you were still in my heart
Somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
Somehow I lost myself inside it again

Somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
Somehow I discern that I am still in love with you
Somehow I am the only brilliance of myself
- K4 ~( z% k. H& j/ O; @2 [: \Somehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance

lington

However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
================================================
* O/ s6 s, X0 B0 {( }& X3 V! pHowever, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday
. }' z. `* }3 u6 x0 S; b
" v" a! w/ W" C6 {) s) I0 X) I) Bsomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
/ [0 c* I# q% y( L=====================================================================
somehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...

alberta2007

我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

Justing

原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
' L7 u/ f1 y1 S/ r我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

" \# P9 V! `8 q5 {$ X& R哦，这样啊，那就改回去吧，我以为是虚拟语气呢。

三思

劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲，这是什么体啊？