请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

alberta2007

I just wrote a poem
Besides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
However,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
. p- {! ~) Q2 xThanks a lot!!!
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$ S9 ^9 y, A% `2 A6 p3 c6 n5 `. uFormerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
# M# b* Q% F+ y& f- v              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
+ t. _) V" k7 W' }              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
  F6 q; N, t* n/ E- z1 v              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
* W- W5 p2 z$ r3 e- m9 Q) t) w8 x              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
: V6 d5 E/ u$ ]; @- MHowever, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
) A2 m4 S$ h. G6 e6 h             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
3 f& @) y7 d( D# }0 F             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
             somehow I lost myself inside again
' v8 D5 B6 c+ u5 ~8 n: h! @8 z0 KNow,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
# H5 c2 ]- h4 Y3 X+ e8 B6 [             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
Finally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
Basically, I almost finish this poem
4 c( n9 R, W; o+ a               I am 一个人de精彩
               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
0 j  a- s# @! ~: m  B5 @But........         
Ironically? Isn't it?

yoyoke2004

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”
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- X" G( C7 e7 ~7 r$ H卖糕的，写外国诗就得忘中国字吗？
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Justing

Somehow I'd fall in love with you
Somehow I'd find something wrong with us
  R3 N- @5 l. B- B. _Somehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
! q9 e$ j4 G! |+ R& n5 u! K$ QSomehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
5 e+ |" x; j6 V2 L, P0 Y6 ZSomehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
Somehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness
. F: Z5 x# n( r% w2 s# Q3 S
0 s) b1 r0 p/ ~4 ^* \Somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
Somehow I realized you were still in my heart
9 [* _- Q1 Q  t. J; j  m* F0 n6 iSomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
& V& r' m) S: ESomehow I lost myself inside it again
4 d$ q. ~& J; \% h' |6 b3 ]( s
Somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
Somehow I discern that I am still in love with you
. U! \6 i. @3 V9 I9 g- eSomehow I am the only brilliance of myself
/ J, S1 M1 j: v6 F. i% {, uSomehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance

lington

However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
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However, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday
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( G6 b3 D) l# csomehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
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; r$ B% `* X- F% hsomehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...

alberta2007

我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

Justing

原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
+ c) ^" L$ k" v( i- d1 j( A我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

哦，这样啊，那就改回去吧，我以为是虚拟语气呢。

三思

劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲，这是什么体啊？