请大家帮忙修改我的一个诗

alberta2007

I just wrote a poem
Besides, I'd like to put it in my blog.
However,first of all, is anyone able to modify/improve my poem
Thanks a lot!!!

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+ w+ W0 C! y7 h
  u  p# ^% y+ U8 \
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. N: u8 i' ?$ a3 r0 g& TFormerly,Somehow I'd fallen in love with you
              Somehow I'd found something wrong with us
  Y2 \/ G2 ^! `) P% v) S7 V              Somehow I'd left you to travel around the world
& A9 |; p) i/ J              Somehow I'd attempted to forget everything between you and me
" I1 i2 u3 J  d! X              Somehow I'd considered you'd been lost in my mind
& w& D, {, a* ]$ O9 }              Somehow I'd felt that my real life was full of happiness
However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
/ I* F6 V4 L' z7 L             somehow I realized you were still in my heart
6 n% a  O* N3 V             somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
             somehow I lost myself inside again
0 k& h" m/ y* V- i, kNow,      somehow I write down the aticle in my blog
! n: n3 I, v# O6 u$ }             somehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
Finally,   I discern that I am still in love with you......................................
# I, L" g' t' T# k: b% E/ BBasically, I almost finish this poem
) P7 x: u* Y; o5 i. E' U               I am 一个人de精彩
; U# X% d* F3 C: j               I am thinking to use 精彩 to cover everything.
: u% |' E% ]9 N( z) wBut........         
# M5 B: C1 D9 ?' x& D- Q# d! qIronically? Isn't it?

yoyoke2004

应该是“请大家帮忙修改我的一首诗”

4 ^, |- `1 H: y  m* ~5 z& x3 n卖糕的，写外国诗就得忘中国字吗？
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Justing

Somehow I'd fall in love with you
Somehow I'd find something wrong with us
7 \; v& h8 G7 \: z2 A& v, fSomehow I'd leave you to travel around the world
Somehow I'd attempt to forget everything between you and me   
0 N' {& {4 T8 K8 P5 b/ R$ NSomehow I'd consider you'd been lost in my mind
$ c8 p' P3 b& e4 o! W' O& `Somehow I'd feel that my real life was full of happiness
6 F: g8 y* v/ o  L6 E
7 p& e$ s: P8 @; _0 bSomehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
5 U6 y2 U/ @- k; j, a$ D0 VSomehow I realized you were still in my heart
/ `# I! b3 F4 \Somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
Somehow I lost myself inside it again
- s, ?( K  x  d- f7 ~
2 s8 }: F' Q' x* k  N! YSomehow I find that my heart is calling for love and devotion
Somehow I discern that I am still in love with you
Somehow I am the only brilliance of myself
Somehow I am thinking to cover everything with my faint brilliance

lington

However, somehow I casually got a dream of you yesterday
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However, somehow I  dreamed about you yesterday
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somehow I recalled my memory of you with powerful uncontrollable consciousness
. T$ |7 a  ?' V$ u9 C=====================================================================
somehow I recalled the times we had...subconsciously...

alberta2007

我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

Justing

原帖由 alberta2007 于 2008-1-21 18:57 发表
我用的时态主要要体现出来呀,你修改成i'd fall或者其他的,时态没办法体现呀,我的意思是i had+verb pass perfect

' E& [* K4 b5 _: M% M4 U' d! T+ M) |哦，这样啊，那就改回去吧，我以为是虚拟语气呢。

三思

劳驾楼主给我扫扫盲，这是什么体啊？