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NEW RULES FOR ENTERING ALBERTA+ N7 O9 t1 _( w9 ^/ {% c6 T
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1. Bring your own house.
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G) n% \3 P `6 J5 C, J% Z$ D 2. If going to the Oil Sands, bring your own house, school and! ?3 ?5 G' w! `' f9 P
hospital.* e+ p8 X$ F% r& s! H
; }9 G' D% ?$ }5 c3 R0 W+ D 3. If going to Edmonton , wear your flak jacket. This is the murder
1 P2 d; k0 L% e4 S& Scapital of Canada .4 B' B- ~6 O2 I& q; T, n' [
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4. If driving to Edmonton, it is also the auto theft center of Canada .- ]2 `: Z; ^- y2 i" A3 a& k
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5. If you are bringing drugs, head to West Edmonton Mall, the drug& Z& h$ V% Q' ~( M, A2 ~
capital of Canada .
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" ?. o; B# L( K2 z, }; i 6. If you are looking for work, look no further. Minimum wage is
3 u( q& y; s( Q7 L. u3 G( [# k$ w$8.00/hour.
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7. If you work downtown, parking costs $10.00/hour.
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8 t+ \9 ~" O- ]2 i4 L1 ], R/ Q2 R 8. If you are able to buy a house in Calgary , why not spend the money3 Z, ?* i5 ?. G1 ~* T' |
on a 15 year holiday ?
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9. If you drive a Hummer, look out. We sit amongst the highest gas
- k1 r5 B+ K/ F& @* q% u8 lprices in Canada . (So much for The Alberta Advantage): L! w) W2 v) G5 `
! Q" L& w' ~9 P( N& J/ ~. v# G2 X10. In Edmonton we have 5 hospitals. 10 years ago we had 7. Don't come/ s4 S& [0 Y" l! d: y
here sick.3 g" j0 {8 _! S+ z* Q }
6 s. a8 O% ^( g: l11. In Calgary, the population has exploded. The last road was paved 12. C/ V4 S& s5 v3 @) c1 z0 k, ?
years ago. Calgary is a no-parking zone.# G- U/ o+ k' E2 C' S% q( Y+ L
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4 n5 @' j& @; ^! F r7 T THE NEW RULES FOR DRIVING IN EDMONTON :9 ^$ X2 n! a; A# B- ?& @ E
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1. You must first learn to pronounce the city name, it is: " E-MIN-TIN ".
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2. The morning rush hour is from 5:00am to noon. The evening rush hour
" A6 G. g0 \0 N @' yis from noon to 8:00pm. Friday's rush hour starts on Thursday morning.. B3 Z( W) l6 O/ I. q
% |( R: A- U2 | _. P/ l3 . Forget the traffic rules you learned elsewhere. Edmonton now has its
`/ ]7 Y4 F9 C/ U0 ^1 I- Y7 Xown version of traffic rules. For example, cars/trucks with the loudest
- v# ?. J! ?; k4 d0 h6 f& X. Emuffler go first at a four-way stop; the trucks with the biggest tires( T- {+ U- K: ]7 }; C
go second. However, south-west Edmonton , SUV-driving, cell
8 P1 a2 e3 O9 O1 Fphone-talking moms ALWAYS have the right of way.
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$ o, Q+ O( `1 s0 S4 . If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be rear ended,
9 D `/ C2 v7 n; ]cussed out, and possibly shot.
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: {8 I' \8 T% k5 . Never honk at anyone. Ever! Seriously! It's another offense that
6 t" s' J2 }- d* ecan get you shot.
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. Y$ ?4 u3 u/ y2 N# V7 K6 . Road construction is permanent and continuous in Edmonton . Detour
0 M6 i2 j6 x# b! `" U3 Xbarrels are moved around during the middle of the night to make the next$ K' p5 p+ c# [# h( o2 G
day's driving a bit more exciting, but nothing ever gets finished, and3 D0 R4 x# W; z$ V
more construction starts everyday.
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7 . Watch carefully for road hazards such as drunks, skunks, dogs, cats,
% R$ n, r! n0 d2 X9 pdeer, barrels, cones, cows, horses, mattresses, shredded tires, garbage,
. L8 r9 W: P5 C, W. v8 zsquirrels, rabbits, crows, and coyotes feeding on any of these items.5 U3 q* {/ Q8 J7 h$ A
k/ h. z, b" o. p2 J$ c8 . Calgary Trail, Gateway Boulevard, Highway 2 and the QE2 are all
# w" j! c. {' Hthe same road.
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7 q& t0 R- y1 e- V6 [& E S" Y9 . If someone actually has their turn signal on, wave them to the* t+ I, B& E2 p x5 v4 j6 d
shoulder immediately to let them know it has been "accidentally
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# e; J# ]- `9 t: A+ e10 . If you are in the left lane and only driving 110 in a 80-90 km
" d5 [) B2 \, {+ Vzone, you are considered a road hazard and will be "flipped off"
]! ~9 [8 A. m1 Taccordingly. If you return the flip, you'll be shot.
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11 . For winter driving, it is advisable to wear your parka, toque, fur; y& ^* ]( R; K2 A7 h
lined mittens and mukluks. Make sure you have a shovel, food, candle and$ e7 A3 I. C: J4 Q1 s
blankets in the vehicle, as snow removal from the city streets is+ h( Y* c% S$ T- N! D. Y- X& f
virtually non-existent until the spring thaw. |
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