Please relax: to those housewives like me

zychen1973 · 发表于 2004-12-10 17:07

Just read “xianzhe JJ” comments about how to deal with your current life as a female in Canada, I can’t help saying my feelings that what we are going for our future as dependants immigrant.

Most female immigrant resigned their decent job to follow their beloved man to Canada. No matter what difficulties they would encounter, they resolutely abandoned all the benefits of  the previous life and totally dedicated their whole life into this strange environment where is full of challenges: language barrier, unrelated working experience for Canadian employment, culture shock, unfamiliar life styles and even the food unwonted. All those difficulties overwhelmed us and make us perplexed.

I am the one who lost my head when we came to Canada. Honestly, I am a cowhearted person who feared the difficulties and challenging after I got married. Also, after marriage, I became lazy to think any future about myself for I totally lost in this new and strange country. Although I don’t like people call me “Mrs. XX ” labeled by my husband last name, in reality, I almost lost my own identity. I put all my hope on my husband’s future. For a long time, I was deeply in the unconscious illusion, that is, my husband succeeded in achieving his own value in Canada, so did I.

When we arose an argument on who offered more for our family, I could easily defeat my incommunicative partner by illustrating tons of housework I do every day: cooking, laundry, cleaning (actually, we have no that much housework to do since only two of us live in this family). But since he always forgot what job he did, he couldn’t give me an example about his contribution as long as he was involved in a heating argument.  His only talking point is “I make a living and pay tuition for your graduated courses”. In return, I would defend him by warning him that I quitted my favorite job to help him to fulfill his wishes.

Although I got final triumph at every argument, I felt lose inside. Of course, we couldn’t assess a person by seeing if he made a fortune. However, we do evaluate a person by seeing if he realized his value. So, what are our wishes for the future? Which one is your favorite: high education and good career or harmony family?

For me, I would like to possess both although I didn’t get one yet. I am not greedy or airy-fairy. I met a female professor who got her PHD degree at her 40’s. She told me everything would never be late as long as you start to do it. Take it easy and make your personal feasible plan, and then steps by steps, you would make it someday. I believe it and I tried my best to go after my dream: To be a housewife and to be an educator.

Therefore, I always encourage myself: be prepared anytime and I will argue with my husband using more convictive deeds to make truly argument succeed.
:P

connie · 发表于 2004-12-10 18:57

Just after reading “xianzhe JJ” comments about how to deal with your current life as a female in Canada, I can’t help saying my feelings that what we are going for our future as dependants immigrant.

Most female immigrants resigned from their decent job in China to follow their beloved man to Canada. No matter what difficulties they would encounter, they resolutely abandoned all the benefits of  the previous life and totally dedicated their whole life to this strange environment which is full of challenges: language barrier, unrelated work experience for Canadian employment, culture shock, unfamiliar life styles and even the food unfamiliar. All those difficulties overwhelmed us and make us perplexed.

I am the one who lost my head when we came to Canada. Honestly, I am a cowardly person who feared the difficulties and challenging after I got married. Also, after marriage, I became lazy to think about  any future about(删掉) myself for I totally got lost in this new and strange country. Although I don’t like people call me “Mrs. XX ” labeled by my husband's last name, in reality, I almost lost my own identity. I put all my hope on my husband’s future. For a long time, I lived with the unconscious illusion, that if my husband succeeded in achieving his own goals in Canada, so would I.

When we had an argument as to who contributed more for our family, I could easily win the debate with my incommunicative partner by illustrating the tons of housework I do every day: cooking, laundry, cleaning (actually, we have not that much housework to do since only two of us live in this family). But since he always forgot what job he did, he couldn’t give me an example about his contribution as long as he was involved in a heated debate.  His only main argument is “I make a living and pay tuition for your graduate courses”. In return, I would defend him by warning him that I quit my favorite job in order to help him to(去to) fulfill his wishes.

Although I finally triumphed at every argument, I felt lost inside. Of course, we couldn’t assess a person by seeing if he made a fortune. However, we do evaluate a person by judging if he realized his goals. So, what are our wishes for the future? Which one is your favorite: higher education and a good career or harmony in the family?

For me, I would like to achieve both although I didn’t get  even one  yet. I am not greedy or airy-fairy. I met a female professor who got her PHD degree in her 40’s. She told me everything would never be too late as long as you start to do it. Take it easy and make your personal feasible plan, and then step by step, you would make it someday. I believe it and I tried my best to go after my dream: To be a housewife and to be an educator.

Therefore, I always encourage myself: be prepared anytime and I will argue with my husband using more convictive deeds to make truly argument succeed.

zychen1973 · 发表于 2004-12-10 19:33

connie妹妹真象个辛勤的小蜜蜂呀:D，谢谢了

connie · 发表于 2004-12-10 20:46

Originally posted by zychen1973 at 2004-12-10 08:33 PM:0 Q6 n' k7 O) F7 n4 I9 |7 W
connie妹妹真象个辛勤的小蜜蜂呀:D，谢谢了

偶这两天闲空挺多的，但有时忙起来就顾不上了:D:P

zychen1973 · 发表于 2004-12-11 08:24

For a long time, I lived with the unconscious illusion, that if my husband succeeded in achieving his own goals in Canada, so would I.

Connie, 我这句话的意思是想说: 很长的一段时间里,我都错误的认为:我先生找了个高薪的工作跟我自己找到了一样. (我还很骄傲的以为他那工作也是我的呢);). 所以在这里我不想用虚拟语气,因为我已经有过了这样的错觉. 你觉得应该怎么表达好?

connie · 发表于 2004-12-11 20:50

其实这句话已经完全表达出你的意思了。

并不是一出现would就代表虚拟语气，would 有好几种意思，其中一种就是表示过去的一种并不经常的习惯（做法），跟used to 的区别就是used to 比较经常。

这里用would 应该更好一点，语气并没有改变！:P

[ Last edited by connie on 2004-12-11 at 09:53 PM ]

OliveOil · 发表于 2004-12-12 19:37

After reading “xianzhe JJ” comments about how to deal with her current life as a female in Canada, I can’t help expressing my own feelings about what we are going through for our future as dependant(s) immigrants.

Most female immigrants resigned from their decent jobs in China to follow their beloved men to Canada. No matter what difficulties they would encounter, they resolutely abandoned all the benefits of the previous life and (totally) dedicated( their whole life)(get rid of one : “totally” or “their whole life”) to this strange environment which is full of challenges: language barrier, unrelated working experience (for Canadian employmentX), culture shock, different life styles and even unfamiliar food( unfamiliarX). (All those difficulties overwhelmed us and make us perplexedX) We are overwhelmed with all kinds of difficulties and getting confused.
I am the one who lost my head (?)when we came to Canada. Honestly, I am (a cowardly personX) a coward who feared the difficulties and (challengingX) challenges after I got married. (Also, after marriageX), I became too lazy to think about (anyX) my future ( myselfX) for I totally got lost in this new (and strangeX) country. (AlthougX), on the one hand, I don’t like people to call me “Mrs. XX ” labeled by my husband's last name, on the other hand in reality, I almost lost my own identity. I put all my hope on my husband’s future. For a long time, I (lived with the unconsciousX)(illusion is unconscious result, they are repetitive)have been stcuk in the illusion that if my husband succeeded in achieving his own goals in Canada, so would I.

Whenever we (had X) have an argument as to who contribute more to our family, I can easily win the debate with my (incommunicativeX) unarticulated partner by illustrating the tons of housework I do every day: cooking, laundry, cleaning (actually, we (have not X) do not have that much housework to do since there are only the two of us( liveX)( family is an abstract definition so you can’t LIVE IN IT) in this family). But since he always forgot what( jobX) housework (he did(X) has done, he couldn’t give me an example about his contribution (as long asX) once (he was involved in a heated debateX) our debate heats up/once we get into the arguement. His only( main X) argument is “I make a living and pay tuition for your graduate courses”. In return, I would defend( himX) myself by (warningX) reminding him that I quit my favorite job in order to help him fulfill his (wishesX) goals.

Although I finally( triumphed at X) won every argument, I felt lost inside. Of course, we (couldn’t X) can not assess a person by( seeingX) looking/ determining if he has made a fortune. However, we do evaluate a person by judging if he has realized his goals. So, what are our (wishes X) objectives for the future? Which one (is your favoriteX) do you prefer: (higherX) good education and a good career or (harmony in the familyX) family harmony?
For me, I would like to achieve both although I (didn’t get even X) haven’t even obtained one yet. I am not greedy or airy-fairy.( I met a female professor who got her PHD degree in her 40’s. SheX) A female professor I once met, who got PHD in her 40"s, told me (everything would never beX) that nothing is too late to reach for as long as (you start to do it X) are willing to get started. (Take it easy and make your personal feasible plan, and then step by step, you would make it somedayX) Make a feasible plan/ make your plan feasible, take it easy, and step by step, you will make it! I believe (it and I tried X) that so I have been trying my best to go after my dream: To be a housewife and to be an educator.

Therefore, I always encourage myself: be prepared anytime (and I will argue with my husband using more convictive deeds to make truly argument succeed.X)so that I can actually win the argument with my husband by making more convincing points!

[ Last edited by OliveOil on 2004-12-12 at 09:04 PM ]

OliveOil · 发表于 2004-12-12 20:00

zychen1973,

I've read most of your recent posts and I really love them. We have a lot in common. I did some corrections not because I think less of your writings but on the contrary, I beleive they are among the best.Something I noticed in your writing is that you are not used to using "be doing" or "have done" when needed or use could instead of can when neccessary( I am sure you know the differences between the usage); Also, sometimes I can see you are translating your thoughts from Chinese into English. English as our second language, we may never use to the point of mistakes free, but I believe we are trying to get as close as possible.
I hope my opinion will help.

[ Last edited by OliveOil on 2004-12-12 at 09:09 PM ]

zychen1973 · 发表于 2004-12-12 20:32

真是见到高手了，这次。我先仔细看看你的修改，然后向你请教。可别闲烦，学英语上能遇到你这样的高手，我可不会放过的。:lol:

OliveOil · 发表于 2004-12-13 19:37

I'm so flattered. Now I feel kinda embarrassed. I would prefer to say: let's discuss about it and make progress together! Deal?
- t; q2 Z, ]4 b" ~2 Z3 tSince you seem serious, please read the version below again just in case. I couldn't make the last one clear and correct enough as it was hard to use and see the format on our website.

After reading “xianzhe JJ” comments about how to deal with her current life as a female in Canada, I can’t help expressing my own feelings about what we are going through for our future as dependant immigrants.

Most female immigrants resigned from the decent jobs in China to follow their beloved men to Canada. No matter what difficulties they would encounter, they resolutely abandoned all the benefits of the previous life and dedicated to this strange environment which is full of challenges: language barrier, unrelated working experience, culture shock, different life styles and even unfamiliar food. We are overwhelmed with all kinds of hardships and getting confused.

I felt I lost myself when we first came to Canada. Honestly, I turned into a coward who feared difficulties and challenges after I got married. I became too lazy to think about my future, for I totally got lost in this new country. On the one hand, I don’t like people to call me “Mrs. XX ” labeled by my husband's last name; on the other hand in reality, I almost lost my own identity. I put all my hope on my husband’s future. For a long time, I have been stuck in the illusion that if my husband succeeded in achieving his own goals in Canada, so would I.

Whenever my husband and I have an argument as to who contribute more to our family, I can easily win the debate with my unarticulated partner by illustrating the tons of housework I do every day: cooking, laundry, cleaning (Actually, we do not have that much housework to do since there are only the two of us in this family). But since he always forgets what housework he has done, he can’t give me an example about his contribution once our debate heats up/once we get into such argument. His only argument is “I make a living and pay tuition for your graduate courses”. In return, I would defend myself by reminding him that I quit my favorite job in order to help him fulfill his goals.

Although I finally won every argument, I felt lost inside. Of course, we can not assess a person by looking/ determining if he has made a fortune. However, we do evaluate a person by judging whether he has realized his goals. So, what are our objectives for the future? Which one do you prefer: good education and a good career or family harmony?
For me, I would like to achieve both although I haven’t even obtained one yet. I am not greedy or airy-fairy. A female professor I once met, who got PHD in her 40’s, told me that nothing is too late to reach for as long as you are willing to get started. Make a feasible plan/ make your plan feasible, take it easy, and step by step, you will make it! I believe that so I have been trying my best to pursue my dream: To be a housewife and to be an educator as my career that the same time.

Therefore, I always encourage myself: be prepared anytime so that I can actually win the argument with my husband by making more convincing points!

OliveOil · 发表于 2004-12-13 19:51

Hi "Chen",
Honestly, I copied your" Don't Learn English the Traditional Way" to my document planning to work on them a little more. I could see the same problems that most immigrants face when it comes to study English but I never bother to wirte anything about them. When I read yours, I wish everyone who has the problems would follow your opinion. However I am too busy with my job and couldn't find time finishing revising your writings.
I will still try to complete it if you don't object it.
It is freaky that a person doesn't write herself but would like to modify others' work. My only excuse is that I am too busy to do it ^_^ Oh there is another one: I was required to write too much in school and it is time not to do so any more.
Anyways, glad to get to know you.
OliveOil

zychen1973 · 发表于 2004-12-13 20:54

Originally posted by OliveOil at 2004-12-13 10:51 PM:
4 D6 R0 F/ ]' t1 cHi "Chen",
: W, K+ J" b* f IHonestly, I copied your" Don't Learn English the Traditional Way" to my document planning to work on them a little more. I could see the same problems that most immi ...

Now it is my time to be embarrassed. After you finished your writing, email to me, ok? I still got lots of questions about English learning. Hope we can get a chance to sit and chat together. It looks like you are very very busy, I wish I won't bother you if we keep in touch. But I really like your corrections on my writing. I believe you still hide lots of good points on English which would benefit me.

'By the way, "zychen1973"is my husband username. so, you see, I lost my identity even on forum. but since he created this username, he never used it for I took on this name. :P

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